I'll Wait For as Long as it Takes
"But you didn't have much of a choice. Think about it, if you'd done things any different you think your guild would have gotten as far as they have?"
Playing with the progressive timeline here a bit, since we don't know when Asuna and Kirito split up, buuut I was watching the anime episode and it hit me. What if Kirito was talking about more than Asuna being part of the KoB? What if he was also referring to their separation so that Asuna could lead the new guild and live up to her potential? This isn't connected to my Little Moments Series because of the cover image, which is one of the illustrations in SAO Progressive.
It does kinda spin-off of my modified timeline (SAO takes 3 years) though :P It's close to two years in the first part and a year and a half in the flashbacks
Kirito abruptly snapped his mouth shut. What ifs weren't something to dwell on, not after close to after six months after their decision. A decision they had made together to better benefit the other players in the game and everyone's chances for survival. It had been a day of shouting, arguing, yelling, and for Asuna at the time, tears. Ever since it had taken Kirito days to even get her to warm back up to him and drop the alof facade she always had on these days. Even so, Kirito couldn't help but feel the extra weight behind his words and knew by the faint flash in her eyes that Asuna felt it too. Those words held the end of their friendship, cracking of Asuna's kind heart, the building up of Asuna's new pretend personality and position, the loss of a dear friend for Kirito and a split up that both of them sometimes wished never happened.
For a moment Asuna said nothing, mulling over what she would say in response to the heavy words. However, she quickly noticed the other people around them and acted as a second command should. "Alright then Blackswordsman, you can take forward today," she patted his shoulder in a half-mocking half amused way and started to walk away. "I'm going to take a day off."
Kirito forced a jaw dropped expression and hurried after her, "I thought we were supposed to trade off being forward!" But as she walked away from him with her back to him Kirito couldn't help but silently remember the last day they had seen each other outside of front lines boss battle meetings. Not to mention the last time as of right now where he had seen Asuna's natural more kind and emotional side.
"Asuna," Heathcliff spoke politely to the red-clothed fencer, "you're an invaluable player. Easily one of the top three strongest players as of right now, and I personally believe you will be there when the game finally ends. Standing as Aincrad's hero."
Asuna's face, hidden under her now signature red hood, flushed a pale pink but she showed no traces of being flattered in her voice. "I'm sorry Heathcliff," she apologized to the new guild leader, "I'm grateful for the offer once again, but I'm a solo player as of right now."
Heathcliff's eyes darted to the black cloaked boy who was wandering around nearby no doubt listening in on the conversation. "I understand," he said eventually after a few long moments, "but know that the door of Knights of the Blood Oath is always open to you Asuna. If you do join a guild eventually I hope you'll consider the Knights of the Blood Oath."
Asuna dipped her head, the hood rustling slightly as she did so and pretended to have not noticed his long glance at her companion. "I will, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." Heathcliff came to her close to every day hoping for Asuna to leave Kirito's party and join his guild. However, he had no idea how close she was to Kirito and how much the black-clothed boy meant to her.
"Good luck in the labyrinth today Asuna," Heatcliff told her and bowed to her before he turned on his heel and started to walk away.
"Maybe you should join the Knights of the Blood Oath," a quiet but firm male voice said suddenly in her ear and Asuna jumped.
Kirito's breath tickled Asuna's ear, and she was a little confused on how he went from halfway down the street to her in the matter of a few seconds. "What do you mean? I'm your partner Kirito remember? I didn't think you got hit that hard by that boar." She pointed out with an attempt at hiding her spike of fear, did he not want her around anymore?
"It's not that I don't want you around me," Kirito stated, showing exactly how close they were despite not being anything more than close friends, "but that it would be good for you. You have limitless potential Asuna like I've told you before, and sometimes it's hard for me to believe you're fulfilling that when you're just around me."
Asuna looked over at him as they walked toward the inn. Confusion gleaming in her eyes beneath the hood, but Kirito was turned away from her, avoiding her eyes. "Does it matter if I am fulfilling it or not as long as I'm continuing to get stronger?"
Kirito breathed a deep breath and knew his next words were going to make her upset yet he said them anyway. "Yes. Your strength will play a part in the ending of this game Asuna, you're too valuable to be squandered with a player like me instead of leading a guild."
Asuna tactfully said nothing and instead, she veered off to go somewhere else in town, likely to keep from punching him in full view of everyone.
Kirito watched her go, something told him that today was going to be a rough day if he decided to stick with his decision. He was going to convince Asuna to join the KoB. They needed a second leader like Asuna. Someone with the heart to protect them all and the strength to fight till she collapsed unable to fight no more.
Kirito steeled himself up and managed to shoot back a response without faltering, "you should be a guild leader! Not a solo player like me, with an outcast like me! You can protect yourself now Asuna, you don't need me!" They were in Kirito's inn room, Asuna was standing near the door and Kirito was standing near his bed. They had been arguing for the past five minutes, Kirito was trying to convince her to go to the KoB and leave his party.
"Maybe not for protection!" Asuna snapped at him a little harshly, "but you're my friend! In my very small list of friends here in SAO!"
"Then go out there and make some!" Kirit snapped, feeling guilty like it was all his fault that Asuna hadn't developed many friends as of late.
"I don't want to when I have you right here!" Asuna childishly stomped one of her feet, "if I had wanted more friends I would've gone and made them!"
"You can lead in that guild! You are a leader Asuna! Not a beater like me!"
"I don't care if you're a beater, Kirito! I certainly don't want to be in a guild if it means I have to stop being your partner!" Asuna yelled at him, tears faintly gathering in the corners of her amber eyes.
Kirito knew he was hurting her feelings, but she had to join Heathcliff's guild. For her own protection and for the protection of the entire game. "I don't need a partner, I can handle myself!"
Asuna briefly looked stung before she shook it off and yelled back, "then let me be your friend! Who has your back as you say! Let me have your back!" She half pleaded, "if you don't need a partner then just let me watch your back and you can watch mine!"
"Because I'm holding you back!" Kirito's opinions finally burst out, "I'm holding you back and I'm watching your potential be wasted because I'm selfish!"
"I don't want to join a guild!" Asuna shouted even though her voice was weakening and wavering slightly, "I want to be with you!"
Kirito blinked, he could take that one of two ways, she wanted to stay his partner, or she wanted… No. "I'm wasting your potential Asuna! You can beat this game!"
"I don't want to completely beat it yet!" Asuna suddenly revealed and lightly shook her head, her long hair fluttering around in the process, "this life, here in Aincrad is important to me now! It's worth everything that's happened!"
"Why?" Kirito shot back, "you're the one who told me that another day here is a day wasted in the real world!
"Because I met you!" Tears welled in the corners of Asuna's eyes, "I don't want to leave Aincrad and leave you behind!"
"What about everyone else?! Without you leading them we're never going to beat this game! People want to go home Asuna! To their families! And their friends!" Kirito snapped even though he was inwardly rather stunned when had she decided her life in Aincrad was worth everything? How did he miss that?
"Why should I go join and guild and fight to beat something I don't want to beat?" Asuna retorted in return, "I don't want to do it at all without you!"
"Why do you care so much about me?! It's not like I'm going to go run off and get myself killed while you lead a guild-"
Asuna cut him off, "because I love you!" The hurt and upset girl shouted with a watery glare, "I love you too much to leave…"
Kirito's mouth snapped shut and he stared in shock at her, unable to believe his ears. Was she serious? Where did that come from? He could admit that he cared about her too, but when had everything changed? Was he that blind to have all of that happen under his nose and not notice?
Asuna slapped her hands over her mouth, looking scared and rather terrified. Something Kirito hadn't seen on her before. "I… I didn't m-mean to say th-that…" she stammered through her hands, looking wide-eyed back at Kirito.
For a moment the fencer and the swordsman just stared at each other, struggling to find something to say.
Kirito couldn't find anything to say, what was he supposed to say? Sure Asuna had teased him before about how many of the female players he seemed to attract, but he had never thought that she was included in the statement. "Asuna…" He hadn't known, not for a long time it seemed. Klein would tell him that he was a very lucky man to have Asuna have her attention set on him, and Agil would laugh and tell him 'it's about time,' but he couldn't speak. If he told her her feelings were reciprocated then she wouldn't leave, she would never go to the guild and leave his party. But if he told her he didn't care then he would never see her again.
His gaze refocused on Asuna who's cheeks were pink with embarrassment, but she looked borderline terrified, terrified that he was going to make her leave and dissolve their party again. They had been together in a party for close to two years, working together and building up the front lines to one day be able to go home. And yet… Asuna hadn't done it because she wanted to go home, she had done it because he had been doing it. He had to make a decision. For all of the players in the game. "Let me finish before you run off okay?" He asked in a rather strained voice, "please let me finish first."
Asuna seemed to want to completely bolt out the door, but she didn't move away from him. She crossed her arms protectively over her chest and stood there, now looking down at the floor.
Kirito took a step toward her and licked his lips, nervously trying to be able to say what he wanted to say. "I can't tell you what I feel about you," he said and hurried to explain at the way Asuna hunched her shoulders like a hurt and scared child. It hurt to see her this way, scared of being rejected and told to leave, and hurt from his words. "I can't because I have to do what's right for everyone else in the game."
Kirito reached out to touch Asuna's shoulder but stopped without touching her when Asuna's flinched and shied away from his hand like a skittish animal. He swallowed the growing lump in his throat, his voice a little hoarse. "I have to stop being selfish for one moment and push you away for everyone else. Asuna if I voiced my feelings you'd never leave, and as much as I selfishly want you all to myself, the other players need you." He tried to touch her again only to pull back at noticing her shoulders starting to tremble. "You're as important as Heathcliff says you are and I can't stand by and watch your potential be squandered…" He stopped talking when he saw water dripping onto the floor. Asuna was crying. "No, don't cry," he fumbled with trying to make her feel better. He knew that in a way he had broken her heart, wounded her in rejecting her, so she probably felt terrible like he had stepped casually on her heart, but he hoped she understood why. His own heart was aching, it hurt seeing Asuna hunching her shoulders and hiding her face behind her long hair, but he had to stop being selfish, just for a little bit. Then he can hate his decision for forever after Asuna joined the KoB and became the leader she was meant to be. "Asuna… Don't cry," Kirito pleaded. He didn't have a lot of experience with girls crying either, so he was uncomfortable and it made him feel terrible. He had made her cry, it was his fault she was crying.
"I'm s-sorry," Asuna managed to say through her tears and pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes to try and make the crying stop. "I know y-you h-hate it w-when s-someone cries, b-but I can't h-help it…"
Kirito looked helplessly at her, "w-what do you want me to do? To m-make you feel better?" He stumbled over the words, realizing that even though Asuna probably felt like falling apart she was trying her best to do what she knew he preferred.
A moment later he stiffened and stared. Asuna had run at him and buried her face in his shirt and jacket, holding handfuls of his jacket and trembling from the toe.
"Can you give me a hug?" Asuna asked in a very wobbly voice that was muffled by his jacket and thick with her tears, "please?"
Kirito nodded numbly and half awkwardly circled his arms around Asuna's waist, only to pull her tightly to him when she gave a muffled sob. He felt like he had been stabbed in the heart, he had hurt her to the point of where she couldn't control her emotions with the Nervegear. Asuna was so hurt by his words and clear rejection that unlike normally, where she could pretend she wasn't feeling anything different, her Nervegear wouldn't let her. Kirito felt a stab of pain, he had shaken her to the core. It was his fault. With one hand buried gently in her caramel colored hair and the other resting on her back, Kirito trembled a little himself, working to control his own emotions and push away the guilt that was now weighing down his stomach. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry Asuna…"
"Kirito?"
Kirito opened his eyes and turned his head toward the door. It wasn't like he had been sleeping anyway, there was too much on his mind right now. Asuna had agreed to join the KoB tomorrow after she had regained her composure, and so after tomorrow, Kirito would be a true solo player. Without Asuna at his back and side. Before someone had called his name, Kirito had been thinking about how weird it was going to be to look to his right all the time and have nobody there. Asuna seemed to be always standing silently at his right side, that or she was dragging him backward by the sheath of his sword or even forwards by the front of his shirt.
Kirito blinked and sat up, looking at the person who had called his name.
Asuna was standing there rather timidly at the doorway, fidgeting and looking rather uncomfortable. She was wearing gear Kirito hadn't seen since Kizmel's tent back on the third floor on Aincrad. (It's in the manga) A long sleeve white shirt with large teardrop shaped openings in the upper sleeves and a small amount of the shoulders that had dark red edging, and simple shorts. Her hair was braided besides her signature identical tresses that always stayed in front of her shoulders, and her amber eyes and body language were tired, both from exhaustion and from today's events.
Kirito looked at her, rather surprised to find her there. It was more likely to be Argo than Asuna after everything that had happened today. "Yeah?" He spoke, trying to hide his surprise and confusion, "What's up?"
Asuna took another step into the room, nervously holding her right arm above the elbow and fidgeted, now looking down at the ground. "Um…" Asuna struggled to find what she wanted to say, and Kirito waited patiently. It was only fair that he listened to waited after all the pain he had put her through today.
Guilt still weighed in Kirito's gut like a boulder, she was miserable and he could tell just by looking at her. The determined fire in her eyes seemed to not be there at all, and she wasn't holding herself as confidently as she usually did. Half of her movements seemed to be hesitant like she was doubting herself in everything at the moment.
Kirito watched as instead of speaking, Asuna skittishly approached him, moving with her sprint ability ready to activate if she needed to flee and or run away. It looked like she didn't trust herself to be able to say the words properly. So instead she perched on the edge of the bed, looking at him with a rather pensive expression. It clicked in Kirito's head even as Asuna's spoke in a shy and particularly timid tone.
"Do you m-mind if I s-stay h-here?"
Kirito shrugged and flopped back onto his back, "go ahead," at this point after the six months in the Elven Quest and having to share a room more than once he didn't mind. Asuna, on the other hand, was half the time concerned about him taking up her space and half the time didn't care like she couldn't decide if she was okay with it or not. He then spoke without really thinking about it, "are you okay?"
Asuna said nothing for a while, balancing her own nervousness and likely everything else.
So Kirito went quiet as well and just watched her, watching as she slipped her bare feet beneath the blankets and laid on her back, looking up. He didn't want to interrupt the silence when it wasn't awkward oddly enough. He could tell she was unhappy, but he could also tell that she wasn't as miserable as earlier. If anything Asuna seemed a lot more not so much at peace, but she seemed to have sorted everything out and was semi-okay with it all.
Asuna was quiet as she looked up at the ceiling as well, they were both mulling over the situation and what they were going to do. She was leaving Kirito's party and leaving Kirito to join a guild. She would miss him, with the guild she wouldn't really have time to visit and even if she did she needed space. Even though she wanted to be close to him right now, she would need space to be able to heal and not hold it against him. It hurt like nothing else to have him reject her and then tell her that she had to leave him. She wanted to stay there with him, in Aincrad. Almost a year and a half had passed so far and she had settled into living in Aincrad as long as she had Kirito at her side she could do it. She could learn martial arts, take down bosses, protect other players, and even just live how she wanted. As long as she had him to draw strength from and stand next to she could do it. But now…? She was going to be on her own for who knows how long, by herself without Kirito, and despite the pain currently in her heart that made her want to cry and hide in the Town of New Beginnings, being without him was frightening.
Asuna opened her mouth to impulsively ask him to tell her what he felt to her to soothe her broken heart but quickly closed it again. Refraining from asking and possibly having her heart break a little more than it already was.
However, as always Kirito seemed to be able to read her mind. "I can't tell you," he reminded her quietly, "you have to go to the KoB Asuna."
"I know," she murmured quietly and turned her head toward him while grasping his pinkie finger of the hand she could reach. His words made the pain in her heart flare, but she tried to ignore it. "Can you…" She paused and reorganized her sentence. "Can you promise me that you…" she was struggling to word the word how she wanted it worded.
"Take your time," Kirito said quietly and kept looking up at the ceiling like he had all the time in the world.
Asuna nodded a little and half nervously licked her lips, trying to think properly and be able to say it properly. "Can you promise me that you have feelings too? That I'm not imagining things?" Her blush was hard to see in the dark, but it was visible. "And that y-you won't leave me behind and f-forget a-about me?" She asked, stuttering slightly from her nerves and rather shy nature. Saying this was hard to her, she was essentially giving Kirito the opportunity to make or break her. This boy meant the world to her right now, she had no parents demanding her to do anything, no school scores weighing her down, and while her parents' opinions rested hard on her shoulders, whatever Kirito said could make her stronger to break her completely.
Kirito was quiet for a few moments before he turned his head toward her and spoke in a quiet voice. "What if I do promise? What will you do?"
Asuna took a deep breath and released it slowly to settle her nerves. "I'll work twice as hard to lead everyone into beating this game." She said quietly, "Because I know you want to go home, so I'll push myself even harder, for you."
"Are you sure you don't want to go back Asuna?"
Asuna had no doubt her disappointment in him not doing anything regarding the promise showed on her face. She looked back at the ceiling, lightly shrugged her shoulders, and released his pinkie. She had said enough earlier, that was enough of a defense.
A few moments later she felt Kirito a little clumsily wrap her pinkie finger in his, "I'll tell you one day," he told her quietly, "and I promise."
Asuna's eyes closed, feeling the pain in her heart lessening for just a little while, making it easier for her to go to sleep. She could wait, she'd wait till the day Aincrad was beaten if that's what it took.
Kirito's next words, however, made Asuna's determination to beat the game for him double and to wait for as long as she possibly could.
"I care about you too… Asuna."
The words carried a meaning only they would understand, and it helped heal a little part of Asuna's broken heart.
I'm really happy with this one-shot, maybe I'll write a sequel or something… We'll see! Hope you all enjoyed the story, and I encourage you all to read my other ones as well. I have another SAO story called "Little Moments" that is a collection of bits and pieces I write in the SAO universe.
