Hello! trying my hand at Sterek :/ it probably won't be too fabulous, but enjoy!

Stiles hadn't been feeling well for so long and his boyfriend Derek was worried. They had been going on strong for four years, and met in college. They ended up barely taking the first date to decide to be together. It was easy, with Derek. Derek loved his humor and his easy going attitude and the ability to comfort him and be comforted. Stiles told Derek he loved him two years ago. Derek has never said it in person, but he'll send notes and texts with the words.

We're getting off track

Stiles went to the doctor this morning, not bothering to tell Derek yet. He didn't want to wake him. He changed the radio station a couple times, then when he didn't find anything good, he just turned it off, feeling anxious. There was nothing to worry about, right?

He pulled up to the hospital to see Dr. Deaton, who gave Scott a nursing internship at the hospital, so he knew Deaton well and he was comfortable with him. He shuffled to his checkup and sat anxiously on the paper covered bed.

The white walls had a couple crayon-drawn pictures from Deaton's small patients, which seemed to ease Stiles slightly. The room was unnaturally clean and he was just waiting for his test results. Deaton had acted weird the whole visit, so not even the kids drawings eased him completely.

Deaton walked back in the room, face solemn, seemingly blank as well. Stiles stood up, getting off the bed. "I don't like that expression, what's wrong." he cringed. He tried to keep his tone light, but he felt sicker just looking at Deaton.

"Stiles, have you been feeling nauseous, or maybe in pain...not eating as much?" He asked slowly, closing the folder and setting it down softly. Stiles nodded slowly and eyed him

"Change in weight gain or loss?"

"Yes? Why"

"Fever? Pain?"

"Yes. Why." He demanded, hands starting to shake. "What's wrong with me?" he hoped for the best but expected the worst.

"You have stomach cancer." He said softly. Stiles went quiet for the first time in a long time.

"Stomach cancer?" He paused "Stomach cancer? I was expecting the flu. or inflammatory abdominal pain. Stomach cancer? Cancer?" He repeated, sitting down again.

"Yes." He said softly. "And...you're quite far along in the development of the growth of the cancer so there's….only a fifty percent chance the treatment will work." He said, staring at the floor, shaking his head. "We have to start the treatment tomorrow. I don't want to wait any longer. I'm gonna get some prescriptions ready. You can...call some people." he muttered ad left the room, sort of looking sad.

Stiles had already started crying a little. He called his dad, and made arrangements to move back in with him. He called Scott who was all the way in Oxford, and he'd be flying in immediately. After many calls, the only left was Derek. He can't….he can't tell Derek. He can't do it.

His twisted mind felt like a fifty percent chance of the treatment working, was only a ten percent chance of his survival. He couldn't do that to Derek. He sweet, beloved Derek. On his way home, he had to stop to start sobbing again. It wasn't fair. He finally got home to Derek, who smiled brightly at his entering. "Stiles! You're home. I saw your note, how was Deaton?" He leaned over to kiss Stiles, but Stiles moved away.

"We need to talk." He muttered. He started crying again already. He felt pathetic at all the crying. "We have to break up." He whispered. "I...I don't...I don't love you." He stuttered, sobbing and starting to pick up random things he owned and putting them in a bag. Derek dropped the spoon he was holding. "No, what are you doing? You can't...no. This hasn't been nothing. We're not nothing. What's going on?" He said, holding onto Stiles like he was drowning. Stiles looked at him. It broke his heart to see Derek's broken expression.

Stiles cried harder, wishing he would just stop so he would see more authentic in his lie. He turned to the man he loved and proceeded to break his heart, too. "I don't want to be here anymore. That's it." His voice shook and once he had stuffed most of his clothes in a bag, including two of Derek's when he wasn't looking so he could still have a piece of him.

"Y-You loved me." Derek's small, broken voice tore his heart apart even more. Stiles put a bunch of random things he couldn't live without in another bag and closed it, heading for the door.

"Not anymore" He choked out and left. He kept Derek's apartment key and some of his shirts and a picture or two of him, but nothing else. He couldn't keep Derek. Maybe if he lived, he could get him back.

He got in his car and drove back to his childhood home. His home. To his dad. He cried all day and through the night. Living without Derek would be...wrong. And it wouldn't be living, but he couldn't break Derek's heart by dying. He had to break it with words so Derek could move on better if his treatment didn't work out.

The next day, his dad drove him to the hospital and he began treatment. He ignored his phone each day, just getting more texts and calls from Derek. Derek found out he was living with his dad and started to send letters. at least two a day. Stiles left them in the corner of his room. One day, he got a letter with something in it. His curiosity got the better of himself and he opened the letter. Mistake.

My beloved Stiles.

Why? I know you probably don't read these letters, but this is just the same thing i ask myself alone everyday without you, so it would just be another whisper into an empty room when you don't read them.

I want to know why you left me.

What did i do wrong?

I still love you.

I think i'm going to start coming to your house. I need to see you again. All i have is the things you left behind, and your pictures.

I want you to have this. Since this week was going to be our five year anniversary, i was going to...it doesn't matter. I bought it for you, and i want you to have it. Do what you want with it, but i just can't bear to look at it anymore.

-Derek

A fucking ring. Derek was going to propose. Stiles promptly threw up. He was a month into the treatment, and he looked weak and frail and he can't let Derek see him like this. He took the ring and slipped it on his thin, pale finger. It hurt how much he loved it. How much he loved Derek.