If Only For A Moment

"Remus? Hi, Remus."

Lily Evans long red hair and big green eyes came into Remus Lupin's view. He was peering at her over his book on werewolves that Sirius had bought him for Christmas. He smiled lightly at Lily. He sat outside in the bitter wind of the courtyard, alone, reading by the empty fountain. Lily approached him, the wind bashing at her hair and her scarf flying in the wind. Her cheeks were rosy red and she smiled with teeth as white as the snow that had fallen the night before.

No snow was falling now, but it was horribly cold outside. "Why are you out here during break?" Lily asked, sitting down next to Remus. "It's freezing out here."

Raising an eyebrow at this girl he barely knew, Remus closed his book and set it down on his lap. "Couldn't I ask you the same thing?" he asked.

Lily giggled and looked down at her gloved hands. "Yeah, you could, but I asked first," she said after a moment, looking up at him.

Her eyes…why has he never noticed how pretty Lily's eyes were? Admittedly the only time Remus was really around her was when she and James were snogging or other wise in their Advanced Potions class where Lily was a favorite and sat in the front while Remus preferred the back by himself. Flustered, he answered, "Just reading, you know. I mean, it's so loud in the Common Room, and, well, this place is just really quiet and…serene," he said, surveying the snow scape that was in front of them. The light mounds of sparkling snow and trees covered in ice, catching the light.

There was a short silence in which the two looked at the beauty that seemed to be only for them. "Yeah, well, it is nice out here isn't it?" Lily said quietly. They watched as a few owls left the owlry in succession.

"That doesn't exactly tell me why you're out here, now does it?" Remus asked, grinning at her. Lily blushed and smiled back.

"James can be a bit abrasive, you know?" Lily asked, not really wanting an answer, although Remus agreed in a way. "I mean, he's great, really smart and…creative." Not exactly the words Remus would have used. Cunning and devious more like it. "But sometimes it's nice to take a break from the ordinary, you know?"

Silently Remus agreed. It wasn't his place to intervene and say much. All he could do was nod lightly and admire the silkiness of her hair.

"Sometimes I…well, I…you wouldn't tell James, right Remus?" Lily asked, looking at him. "You wouldn't tell him if I told you, er, something about him? Something I've never really told anyone else, right? You'd keep that a secret?"

Remus thought he quite would. He managed to say, "Yeah, of course…I would, Lily."

Lily nodded. "Of course. Well, it's just that, I really do care about James. He's a great person , I know he'll be a great wizard one day. I really think that. But sometimes I wonder if we're right for each other. He's so…sneaky and always playing tricks on people. I mean, I don't like that sort of stuff, you know? And James, he's, well, academically I'm smarter. But for real stuff? If some Dark wizard were to come James would be able to handle that. Me, not so much. It's our seventh year, there are some people thinking of marrying soon! I don't know if I could ever be with James that way."

Lily stopped, her face quite red, she put a hand to chest and looked confused. Remus had no idea what to say. Finally he managed to say what he thought, though with some difficulty. "Well, er…I mean, not to…that is…not to, you know, discourage you or anything, but…well, if that's how you feel, if it really is, than maybe…er. Well, I'm saying this, putting it out there, you understand?" Lily was looking at him with the utmost of curiosity on her face. Remus nervously clutched at the book in his lap and scolded himself. Stupid, Remus, this isn't about your feelings. It's about hers. "Never mind," he said, hurriedly, "I…just for---"

It was a strange feeling. Because Remus realized they hardly knew each other. He nearly dropped his book in the snow at their feet as Lily grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him forward, bring their lips together in an awkward sort of meeting. Remus wondered if he was as good a snogger as James, maybe better as he found himself kissing her back, the book dropped on the ground, forgotten.

Then there was the realization. He was snogging his best friend's girlfriend. Lily seemed to realize the gravity of the situation too, for all of a sudden she backed away and closed those brilliant eyes. Remus stared at her as her mouth formed the words. "Oh, shit." She opened her eyes, saw Remus' grey ones looking at her quizzically and avoided them. She stooped to pick up his book. It lay open to the title page. Werewolves: The Many Aspects.

Remus beat her to the book, picking it up quickly and snapping it shut. Lily blushed heavily and raised a hand to her cheek as is he had just slapped her. In many ways he had. "Werewolves, huh?" she said quietly in the wonderland.

"Yeah," Remus replied, searching for the last page he had been reading at. He hated her for doing this to him. He couldn't look at her anymore. Because he hated himself even more for doing this to her. He found the page and pretended to read. "James is probably waiting," he said, bitter.

Another silence ensued. Unlike the one before it was very uncomfortable. Remus felt his own face turn red as he stared at a paragraph on the page. The words turned blurry and illegible. Finally he heard her stand up and turn. Her footsteps crunching through the snow. He looked up to see her leaving the courtyard. One hand trailing on the stone wall. If only for a moment, Remus had hoped…