A/N at bottom.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of JKR's stuff.. especially not her 1 billion dollar networth.. haha lucky her!
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Embers.
Not meant… used to…
These are the last words I see as yellow-orange flames consume the parchment.
It wrinkles, slowly wilts, and turns gray; it succumbs to the heat, finally collapsing to the pressure and turning into dust.
Dust and gray petals. That's all that is left.
Gray, wilted petals… like our love.
Well, I can't say that; you never did love me, did you?
You might have, but I don't know.
I never will though.
You see, we were too different. We still are. It's hard to set aside differences… to forget a past fuel by hatred and… fire.
No; it was nothing like this fire; the one in this fireplace; the one I sit here watching, drowning the voices beside me. The sensitive voices, the ginger blurs of shapes.
This fire is contained. This fire has an outlet. Its fumes escape out of the stone chimney. This fire is warm, and comforting; its roars and cackles are music. The flames of this fire are evident; they dance, they ripple… and the color… the color warns.
It warns danger and consequences if one were to come near it.
This fire: it's nothing like our fire. Our fire is uncontrollable. The heat seethes from our bodies when we are near.
I know you can feel it to; I see the pink flush on your face.
Our fire has no outlet; no escape; it has nowhere to fume but within our own hearts. So we live with it. It begs to burst, be we keep it in; so we live with it.
At least, I know I do.
I try to.
Our fire is cold; it is bitter, demeaning, and mind shattering. I do not feel comfortable; instead I feel nervous, protective, self conscious.
Our roars are heartbreaking, the cackles mocking.
And yes, I do see flames. We both do, I think. You see brown; a plain, normal brown; because that's what you seek- normalcy and acceptance. You see a sparkle and interpret it as hope. And you don't seem to know how to respond.
Your flames are blue and dance in your eyes. They convey a passion that I've never seen before. When we argue, your eyes are so fierce that I feel like exploding if I don't look away. It's this burning desire that keeps me rooted to the spot; unable to move and unable to think. Why do you have this effect on me?
Blue… and deceitful. Rather than lull me into calm and tranquility, they lure me into a trap. A hurtful trap. Unlike the ginger flames before me… yours do not warn.
I much prefer the first; it is safer.
How can I protect myself then?
Can I-
No. I can't fall for you again.
I won't. Remember?
I promised.
But oh… it burns. It aches to see you every day… several times a day… to sit next to you and to not speak. To not touch, to not approach.
Do you not feel the same?
Do you ever have these desires?
I often wonder what goes through your head, and I never figure it out. I understand that you hide it well; behind those flames.
I don't know which saddens me more: your reluctance or your disapproval.
But I'll think of it no more. A parchment burns in the fire, waiting for my attention. It is eerily captivating and I watch it wither away...
Just like our relationship; wilted, gray, ash.
I hope we can talk one day.
None of this avoiding, staring, or silence.
Just know that I am over you. I did this for you; you wanted it, right?
I know because you told me.
So when I see you and your girlfriend (whomever she may be) holding hands, I won't care. And when I see you snogging? I won't mind. And when I see you together at graduation, content, I'll smile.
And if someday, I unfold the Daily Prophet and the headlines read, "Youngest Malfoy to be Wed!"… I'll be happy. I really will be.
Because you wanted me to be, remember?
I can't stop lo-
But I'll try.
This letter was meant for you; but you don't need it. I just told you everything.
This fire is alive.
Ours became vanishing flicker.
Not meant… used to…
Broken fragments of my thoughts.
The flames swallow these last four words.
Don't worry, I'll be fine.
I'll be happy.
I promise.
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Rnum vale - Farewell forever
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Author Notes: well… What do you think?
I wrote this last night while watching the fire grow and die down… lol it's quite inspiring :)
Review please?
I'd like to know what you thought of one of the few angsty fics I wrote :)