Hey, Sai.

A.N. Okay, this is my way of paying tribute to Sai. I was completely devastated by Sai's "death" (yes, I know I'm sad) and actually cried for three days straight. My parents didn't say anything (I guess it's because they're used to my obsessive attachment to anime and manga), thank goodness. Anyway, this is in Hikaru's POV, and remember that the italics at the beginning is a flashback to the time when Sai left (which is a bit different from the actual story because at the time I hadn't gone further than the episode "Sayonara Hikaru") and that the normal writing is his thoughts from way, way later - maybe a couple of years.

Dedicated to Fujiwara-no-Sai, a loving mentor and a prodigy of Go.

That day you disappeared, I thought that I was dying inside. I thought I would never be able to touch a Go stone ever again.

I forbade my mother from going into my room, and that last game we'd barely even started lay untouched on my floor, almost like a shrine. I would watch the board as I went to sleep, tears running down my cheeks without restraint.

Everyone worried about me, but I didn't care. I felt numb all over, physically and mentally.

Once, a week after, my mother came into my room and tried to talk to me, but as she approached, she accidentally knocked her foot against a corner of the goban. A few pieces on the board slid around and fell onto the floor with a soft clatter. Furious, I kicked my mother out of my room and carefully rearranged it just as it had been before.

The feeling of the cool, smooth stones in my hand, ever so familiar, caused a lump in the back of my throat in addition to the already heavy weight in my heart, and I could have sworn that I saw a fleeting image of your face. I kneeled beside the goban for a long time afterwards, and waited for you.

But you never came.

Hey, Sai.

I can still remember how you would fold your arms around me and smile when you were happy.

I complained, but, actually, I was happy.

I wish I'd told you.

Hey, Sai.

Do you remember how often we'd argue? Almost every day of those two years, I think.

I never really meant any of those mean things I'd said. You really were one of the most important people in the world to me.

You know that, right?

Hey, Sai.

Akira told me that, sometimes, when he's stuck on a move, he tries to imagine what I would play.

Funny, isn't it? I still try to imagine what move you would play when I'm stuck, too.

I'll never be able to forget you.

Hey, Sai.

You were always with me, weren't you? Thanks to you, I never felt lonely for even one second for two entire years of my life.

It's hard to be without you. I don't want to be lonely, anymore.

Can you hear me?

Hey, Sai.

I still know all our old games by heart. I replay them every night when I get back to my empty room.

I play them on the old goban you slept in as well as our goban.

I wish you could play me, now.

Hey, Sai.

I think of you all the time. I keep thinking that I wish that I'd had a chance to say goodbye. You know that last game we never finished? I must have played it more than a hundred times, by now, and continued it with more than a hundred different possibilities.

I wish you were still here and playing that game.

Hey, Sai.

Someone approached me again, today, asking me if I was you. Akira's father said that I had some "Sai" in my game.

You're in my Go, and my Go is with me, always.

You're with me always, aren't you?

Hey, Sai.

It was fun.