I clench my jaws,
Ball my fist,
And take a deep, deep breath.
I refuse to think about it,
I'm arguing to my instinct to block it.
But I don't succeed.
The images of my friend's elder brother,
Flashes through my mind.
His caring hand,
When holding her.
His gentle eyes,
When looking at her.
His soft voice,
When speaking to her.
Those, I wish for,
But I can only wish,
Because I will never have an elder brother.
I can only wish…
I clench my jaws,
Ball my fist,
And take a deep, deep breath.
I refuse them,
I block them,
But again, they come.
The saddest moments flash through my mind,
The touching words,
The deaths,
The tears.
Never would they stop haunting me,
I cry along with them,
How could the word 'Dark' affect me so?
But I can only wish,
My life will change interesting,
Though it may get depressing…
I can only wish.
I clench my jaws,
I ball my fist,
And take a deep, deep breath.
I hold the tears,
I wonder if there would ever be a happy family.
I stand out of the fights,
I mask my feelings,
I refuse their comfort,
I consult my friends instead.
I tell them my anger,
Irritation and sorrow,
They comfort,
Make me feel better.
Back at home,
Again, I mask my feelings,
Refuse their comfort,
I don't feel at home.
I can only wish,
I had a happy family,
But those are all once upon a time,
And I don't live in a fairy tale,
I live here,
A place that is heartless,
Black and white.
I can only wish,
That there would be love and love,
But the only thing increasing is,
Hate.
I'm confused,
I'm frustrated,
When can the world be colorful once again?
When can people open their eyes realize they aren't smiling?
I clench my jaws,
Ball my fist,
And take a deep, deep breath,
I say,
It hurts.