The boys swagger in an hour after he decides to wait for them. Gina has messengered over what he requested, front row tickets to the Knicks game.
"Hey guys," he attempts a greeting, but the temperature in bullpen drops with their eye contact. He hasn't felt shut out like this since . . . well, since the one time they bet on who would solve the case first. Even then it had an edge of brotherly tease, but this? This is hurtful. He doesn't need this, not after the day he's had. He learned his lesson, knows his place, he did the crime, he'll do the time, only this is a shut-out. No way to establish his place in a shut-out. This crew is adept at creating them. He wonders, briefly, if it's a prerequisite for being a homicide detective, this dispassionate emotional tourniquet.
"Here's your tickets as promised," he offers," and the keys to my car," he dangles them and sets them on the desk in front of the files now utterly absorbing the focus of the two men.
Ryan is the first to break. He should be. The Writer had a greater fall in his eyes than the worldly Esposito. Ryan is loyal, he lacks hubris, has always played puppy to Castle. Until today. Today Castle disappointed him. Disloyalty repulsed Ryan. Montgomery's death had been especially hard. Not just his disloyalty to their team, but his infidelity to the job. Now it was Castle. Traitor. He thought they were alike in their faithfulness. Instead, he found himself respecting Beckett for hers. He hadn't wanted to take care of the traffic camera search for him but she'd softly begged him, "please."
"Castle, I changed my mind, I'm not interested in your car." He made a point to shoot him a look. No clever response, no come-back from the Writer, he almost wanted one. Wanted his chance at an argument. A little verbal spar might just put Castle in his place. Esposito stopped him.
"Yeah, I don't want those tickets either." The Hispanic had his combat face on.
"Uh, okay."
Castle visibly swallowed and turned to walk away. This wasn't going to fly, he needed to bridge this partnership, mend this fence. This is the way it always happens in a break-up. Friends choose sides. Someone is the loser. He'd let her have them, he had to, what else did she have? Hell, he'd been through this before with his exes, only he'd been the winner then. He got Alexis too, that was the best prize. Problem was, he was as dependent on this precinct family as he was on the one that lived at his address. His assurances to his mother about his purposes and ability to keep his emotions in check were beginning to crumble. He turned to glance back at them, a hurt look flitting across his face.
Esposito caught it.
"Yo, Castle, there is something you can do for us."
Both Castle and Ryan turned a questioning eye to the ex-marine.
The pin dropping was audible.
"Becks has been in trial prep all day. A little edgy, you know?"
He didn't know how to answer. Was this a test?
"Might be a caffeine thing, or no lunch. She's been cranky all day." He motioned his chin to the room where Beckett was leaning over a stack of files, intently looking for something. All three men turned to observe her.
"Take her off our hands and we'll call it even."
Ryan silently nodded in agreement.
There was a moment of hesitation or maybe disbelief as the Writer chose.
"I can do that." They watched as he moved to approach Kate.
"You realize what we just gave up for the two of them?" Ryan tossed.
The volley went unreturned.
"I was an idiot."
"You just now figuring that out?"
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah well, just don't let it happen again." She gave him a half-smile.
"Can I interest you in dinner?"
"No, Castle, I still have some things to do."
He wasn't sure if this was a retaliatory rejection or not.
"I'll wait then."
She considered him a moment. He raised his eyebrows and gave her a contrived smile, throwing himself on her mercy.
"Might go faster if you help me." She conceded.
For the next hour they worked with little conversation between them.
"I think that's enough for today Castle."
"Can I take you to Remy's?"
"Yeah, I can do that."
The boys watched him help her with her coat for the first time in weeks.
The moments after they ordered were awkward, silence laden with uncertainty.
"So," he attempted to fill the space, "you think Valez will really get out of town?"
"Castle, I think that this is a case that you and I should never discuss again."
"Okay, I can do that. Only . . ." He was feeling bold, he was fresh out of dignity today.
"Only, what Castle?"
"What else are we never going to discuss again?"
It was her turn to swallow hard.
"What do you mean?"
"We had a conversation a long time ago."
She immediately knew. Wished they were somewhere else besides a booth in a restaurant.
She closed her eyes a moment, when she opened them his were intent.
"I've been seeing someone," she felt his misinterpretation, "not . . . not like that. I mean someone professional. A counselor."
"Oh."
"He's. . .He's been helping me with . . . with my shooting, my mom."
She gaged his reaction.
"Is it helping?"
"I think so. You saw how driven I was last Spring, how one-track-minded I was. The wounds from my mom were . . . festering. I can't do that again, Rick. I couldn't survive another go-round. I needed to come back on my own, not just bury it, but heal from it. That's what Dr. Burke has been helping me with."
Guilt twisted at his heart, flashed across his face.
"Kate, I . . . I know I have no right to ask about last summer, but the day you were . . . the day of Roy's funeral, you remember what I said to you?"
Her eyes widened, she inhaled painfully slowly.
"Yeah," she whispered, biting her lip.
"Why?" He didn't need more of a question than that word.
"I wasn't ready to hear it, Castle."
He looked away. God this had been a hard day. He couldn't remember having a mirror forced in front of his face this many times in a single day. Damn the universe.
"But I'm ready now."
"What?" Oh.
Kate. He smiled, the first genuine smile he'd had in weeks, she'd finally drilled through from the other side of that wall.
"Kate," he reached across to take her hand, "Kate, I love you."
"I love you too Castle." No hesitation; no beat between their words.
He was stunned, speechless, mouth open in disbelief.
She was smiling at him, her face radiating her relief, her joy. She searched his eyes.
"I'm sorry, say that again?"
"I love you Castle."
"Again."
"Enough Castle, you heard me."
"Yeah, Kate, and you heard me."
The next morning, Ryan and Esposito had already been at their desks for hours when the elevator opened. He was looking at her like he always had; she was looking at him like she always had.
Kate had her coffee in hand as she sat down at her desk. Castle carried his to Ryan and Esposito's desks. He dropped the tickets and keys on Ryan's desk.
"You guys need to take these, I won't use them. I've got a busy weekend planned."
A/N: The universe wants you to review. You wouldn't want to disappoint the universe, would you?
