The Parents Trapped
"I can't believe you! Really! Or maybe it is predictable that you're a Brooklyn jerk!" I heard my mum yelling from the living room. Here we go again, the usual night where my parents once again lashed out their weird social difference. I thought that was immature.
"A Brooklyn jerk who is suffering in this world you call perfection. I needed some normalcy in my life. I don't care if this needs to be lavender or if this needs to be cream…" it comforts me somehow that at least they are fighting. My best friend, Amanda, got it worst. Her parents were these weird hippies that always slipped down a pill whenever they needed a break from each other.
"You know what, maybe I should just go to the loft," my dad said.
I heard my dad walking out. I ran as quickly as I can towards the living room as fast as I could, because this can't be happening.
"Dad!" my dad was ready to leave. "Wait!"
Yes, you might think I'm weird after reading that, but let us all hear the real story behind this, okay.
My name is Aidan Humphrey, and I am 17 years old. The first time I heard my parents argue was probably when I was an infant. Maybe because it had been too long hearing these arguments, I just shut them off quickly. It doesn't matter to me, but frankly it matters to my younger sister Tiffany who just worries about everything and she's very impressionable too. So this story will start with my 12 years old sister knocking into my room, looking like she's about to cry. God, why do girls cry all the time?
"Aidan! They're arguing again! It had been the same thing for two weeks," Tiffany was sharp in her studies, like very sharp. She's a genius but in the social capacity of our family, she's a little lost. "They are arguing and yelling and they won't stop…"
"Don't worry. We'll be having breakfast as usual tomorrow," hoping she would go. Instead she hopped onto my bed, invading my territory. "Tiff, we've gone through this before, mom and dad are not getting a divorce."
"But Cathy's parents said the same thing and they separated a month after!" seriously, why do I have this sister.
"Cathy's parents are both retards. Only retards gets a divorce," or having getting married in the first place. "Do you think mom and dad are retards?"
"No."
"So, calm down and go to your room because mom and dad are fine," I turned away to take my phone but Tiffany is still there. Seriously. "Okay, wait here. I'm going to check on them, alright."
I left my room, hearing their arguments.
"Seriously, Dan, I can't do this anymore," wait what? They never said that before. I quickly went further. "I think we need time away." Wait! No. I peeked and saw my mother crying. My father just stood there like a dumb statue. "I feel like I'm a bad mother for doing this." I looked at my dad, say something you jerk!
"Well, not as worst as I am," what the hell! Why are they arguing like this? "When are we going to tell them?" Tell what?
"Breakfast. Tomorrow," oh my God, Tiffany was right.
"Okay then."
I quickly ran to my room, trying to calm my breath as I entered. Tiffany looked at me weirdly.
"So?" she asked.
"So," really, do I tell her that our parents are really getting a divorce? That she was right? That she will be hurt? "It is the usual argument. Don't worry, it's going to be okay." Did I just lie to my sister's face?
So the next morning, I was tense. I knew the d word was coming out anytime soon.
"Would you like some more juice?" my mom offered my dad. He smiled a bit and shook his head, whispering a 'thanks'. Really, they were going to act okay before dropping the bomb at us. I forgot, my dad is a writer and he's good in hiding his expressions and my mom is well, the con artist of the decade.
I looked at Tiffany and she was eating her waffles happily, since it was a good breakfast like I said.
Then it happened. My mom stared at us for the longest time followed by my dad's worried face. Oh God, it's going to happen.
"Listen, we have some news that might get you upset," my mom started, and I did the craziest thing.
"Oh can it wait? We're really late for school!" I pulled my sister off her chair towards the door.
"Aidan! I wasn't finish!"
"Sorry, but we really need to go."
I was a coward. First, even if I acted nonchalant before, reality struck me. Those arguments weren't just small fights. Those were the arguments that make you get a divorce. I heard how arguing would mean that our parents were just having some heated conversations. Apparently it didn't work that way.
I sat at the school ground, sighing. Amanda sat beside me, smiling like she always does.
"Hey Aid," she looked at me. "What's with the long face?"
"My parents are getting a divorce," I said it out loud bluntly. What surprised me was Amanda's laugh. When she saw my serious face, she stopped.
"You were serious?" she asked and I rolled my eyes. "I'm sorry, Aid." She stayed silent, but not for long. "But didn't you say they were good even if they fought a lot?"
"Yeah, apparently, Dr. Phil issued the wrong statement to me," I rubbed my head.
"To be honest with you, I saw Dan and Blair before, and they don't look like a compatible couple at all," now she says this. "But I got to know them, and they're kind of cool."
"Are you saying this to make it all look fine?" it's Amanda. Of course she'll make everything look fine.
"No, I'm just saying that maybe you got it all wrong."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you overthink most of the time, a Humphrey trait I must say and it is not really the first time you overreact at stuff," really now, Amanda might be the best friend I have ever had (she's hot, but friend zoned me, so she's kind of the bitch) but obviously she's not going to drop my ego.
"They said they needed time away," I reasoned.
"And there, overthinking Aidan," she patted me. I was left confused. "Parents that needs time apart does not mean they are getting a divorce. Maybe after they have their time apart, they'll miss each other and find their way back."
I looked at Amanda. "It is really weird how you can be so normal with hippie parents."
"I try my best," she smiles.
I ended up ditching soccer, telling the coach I had family occasions and being on Blair Waldorf-Humphrey's end of offense, he never stopped me. I laughed remembering that day. No one messes with Queen B.
I entered the empty house and saw the first picture hanged on the wall. My parent's wedding picture. Wow, feeling nostalgic. They weren't the religious one, they got married when I was already 4 and I remembered that day like it was yesterday. I could still hear my mom whispering, "Hold my dress, we'll meet daddy at the end of the altar." She was beautiful, everything was perfect. And dad was so happy, he smiled through his vows. It left tears on mom's cheeks. I didn't understand the world by then, but I did understand that mom and dad were a team.
I shook my head, maybe Amanda was right. Maybe I'm overthinking about the divorce stuff. God, Aidan you're such a girl. I looked beside the photo and saw hot Aunt Serena with my mom. Dad told me he and Aunt Serena used to date, and I always wonder why he left her. Don't get me wrong, but it was hot Aunt Serena.
I heard giggling from behind and as if on cue, hot Aunt Serena walked in. "Hey Aidan!"
"Hey," she hugged me. I thought she's in Paris. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm looking for your dad. He called yesterday, saying he had a little problem that needs my help," Aunt Serena stopped when she saw my puzzled face. "Oh no, it's not really a big problem, just something to take care of." I know when Aunt Serena looked away, she was lying.
"Okay. When did you get back? I thought you were in Paris?"
"About two weeks ago. I thought I check on your parents for a bit," she smiled. Two weeks. Tiff said mom and dad had been arguing about the same thing for two weeks. Could it be… No. Of course not, Aunt Serena wouldn't do that.
"Oh. Well my parents are grown up people, they don't really need to be checked upon," I suddenly became defensive.
"That's not what I meant. I just miss them," or you miss one of them, the one who have testosterone.
"Yeah, sure. But um, dad's not here. He's still at work," obviously lying. Dad always comes home around this time.
"Oh, can you tell him I stop by then. I have an appointment I can't miss," Aunt Serena flashed her brilliant smile and left. Don't overthink Humphrey!
I didn't know what came over me when I opened my laptop and opened this site called Gossip Girl. It's kind of Perez Hilton with less Hollywood and more Upper East Side. I checked Aunt Serena's history and as I have always known, she goes around a lot. On the earlier pages, there were lots of Aunt Serena and dad, cute kisses, dates. I was a little furious when I typed down 'Dan and Blair' on the search. Yeah, dates and kisses, but weirdly, not as much.
Do not overthink!
I scrolled down and saw Uncle Chuck with them. Uncle Chuck was always around but somehow when mom is in the same room, he keeps his distance. I know they dated before but mom clearly calls him a friend, so why the distance? I clicked on his name. In the earlier page, there was a lot of Chuck Bass and sex in the same line, but then he dated mom and even if I hate to admit, there were a lot more post about them than my parents.
Do not overthink!
Dad called Chuck his buddy, hell they went for some poker last week. So Aidan, stop overthinking!
I heard the door opened and my mom peeked in. She got home so soon? "Aidan?"
"Yeap?" I closed my laptop.
"Do you know what time your sister is coming home?"
"Um, I don't know. In an hour?"
"Oh, good. Well, I'll see you at dinner then," she closed the door. That was awkward. Mom never do awkward.
I took my phone and called Amanda. "I need you to tell me again that everything's going to be fine."
"Wait, Aidan, what?"
"Hot Aunt Serena is here for two weeks and Tiff said they had been arguing about the same thing for two weeks and I opened Gossip Girl and there were more post about Chuck and Blair or Dan and Serena in it and Uncle Chuck and mom had history and…"
"Quiet!" Amanda yelled. I had this thing where I babble when I'm freaking out. It is a Humphrey thing. "First of all, stop calling her as Hot Aunt Serena okay because you sound like a pervert, second, I told you not to overthink and third, what were you doing opening Gossip Girl?"
"I freak out okay, I mean this whole day is like a disaster and I'm pretty sure at dinner, they'll drop the bomb," okay, I sound like a wimp.
"Aidan, stop freaking out and use your brain. Think positive."
"How can I when everything looks pretty clear now."
"Nothing is clear with you freaking out, you dumbass! Just go through dinner, trust me, you're overthinking, again."
"But…"
"Just do it!" and then she hung up.
So there I was, sitting across the table from them, looking them straight in the eye, and I stayed silent, waiting it to hit me. Tiff felt my tense, asked me if I was okay. I'm not.
I saw how my parents talked about the latest exhibition, how grandpa Cyrus had a new villa in France, some painting in Paris and some weird stuff about coach or first class. Really, they should be actors. Then it came, them looking at us, ready to say it.
"Kids, um, we have something to tell you," dad started. I was ready at any time for Tiff to burst into tears. "Your mom and I have been arguing a lot lately, and we kind of losing some sparks…"
"We argue a lot, but a little bit more now…"
"Blair," dad looked at mom, she mouthed sorry. "And we think it is best if we take some time away…"
There it is.
"From you."
Wait what?
"What do you mean?" Tiffany asked.
"I'm sorry for being such a bad mother!" mom suddenly burst. "I mean I would never ever stop loving you, but things got hard and your father and I are losing it. Tiffany, I'm so proud of you baby but you always pandering us with these questions about things we can't even answer. It hurts our ego a bit. And Aidan, we love you but could you please stop hovering us like you're the adult." Mom stopped and take a deep breath. Dad could only smile.
"I don't get it."
"Two weeks ago, your Aunt Serena came home and we had dinner. She saw the incident where your mother and I fought like we always do, and she said, "You guys are so immature"," my dad felt kind of embarrassed at this.
"So?"
"Well, it is normal for Serena to say that to us since we always thought she didn't understand our relationship like ever," mom said. "But then we realized recently, you said the same thing."
"I'm not sure I'm following," really, I was lost.
"Your mother and I, we don't really take criticism well," that's true. "With Serena we could obnoxiously say maybe because she's not as smart as us, but when our son who we are so proud of said we were immature, we kind of take it deep."
"What?" okay, it is official I have the weirdest parents ever.
"So I have to stop being smart?" Tiffany asked.
"No, no, no!" my mum held Tiffany's hand from across the table. "Honey, we are proud of you! It's just that when we first became a couple, we were used to be the intellectual and mature ones."
"But you guys grew up and kind of became a better us, and we felt that we're losing the spark as Dan and Blair, the intellectual and mature ones."
"In short, you were jealous… of your own children?" I asked.
"Well, yes," my dad offered. "That is why we called your grandpa Cyrus, asking if his villa is available for the summer, just the two of us there, because as wrong as it sounds, we need time away from our own children."
"Just to boost your ego back up?" Tiffany asked.
"Unfortunately and embarrassingly, yes," mom answered. "But we still love you!"
"Okay, weird. But why were you arguing for the last 2 weeks about being the better ones?" Tiffany looked straight at them.
"Well… we kind of argued who makes the worst parent out of the two," dad admitted. Seriously, these two. "And then it kind of went down to how a bitch you mom was to me during high school…"
"And how your father sabotaged my birthday party once."
"How she didn't read my book."
"And how he butchered my internship."
"You guys are really the weirdest parents ever," I can't believe I was born into this family. "I thought you were getting a divorce."
With this, they both laughed. And then I knew, my parents, Dan and Blair, they were endgame. They are in this marriage for life and even in a weird snobbish way, they are truly happy.
I called Amanda right away. It went to voice mail. "Hey, seems that you were right, I was overthinking but it isn't my fault that I'm genetically born from two overthinking parents. But, they're fine, and weirdly enough they're happy being together. They're going to France for the summer, just the two of them and…" I stopped a bit. "I'm going to live with Hot Aunt Serena all summer long." I know Amanda would throw a fit at this.
So, I had it all wrong. Dr. Phil was right, on those things anyway. Tiffany and I thought if our parents bother us now, we could just bring our intellect and mature self to the max, just to spite them.
…
Oh if you were wondering what my parents were arguing about at first, let's roll the scene again.
"Dan, I thought we agreed on the apartment," mom started.
"Seriously Blair, the kid is 17 and he chose to go to NYU. The loft will be nearer than the apartment 2 blocks from here," dad justified.
"Okay, fine. But for Aidan's sake, let's refurnish everything there."
"For his sake or for your sake? I mean really, the kid is more like me than he is of you."
"Excuse me? Aidan does not dress like he wanted to sell used cars, so he's definitely not you!"
"And Aidan does not dress like a preppy Upper East Side, nor does he wear a headband to school."
"I can't believe you! Really! Or maybe it is predictable that you're a Brooklyn jerk!"
"A Brooklyn jerk who is suffering in this world you call perfection. I needed some normalcy in my life. I don't care if this needs to be lavender or if this needs to be cream…"
"You have a whole T.S Elliot shrine in one room here, how is that normal?"
"More normal than you collecting those ridiculous shoes in your closet."
They are so not normal just for the fact that they still keep their cabbage patch dolls.
"You know what, maybe I should just go to the loft," my dad said.
"To do what?"
"To pack up unnecessary stuffs according to the kid," dad finally said. "Aidan!"
"Yeah?" I looked in.
"Let's survive Brooklyn tonight, make yourself comfortable there, in your way," dad said. "But keep the furniture."
"Not the bed though, it squeaks," my mom probed.
"Okay, mom, I think I can handle the loft fine and I don't need silk to sleep tight, I'm not that kind of trust fund kid," I saw my dad smiling at this. But he's not getting away either. "And dad, that bean chair you have, they need to move to the garbage can because it just shows how you lack in taste."
My dad rolled his eyes. "It is still my loft so strike another one of that to me and your mother, you'll be off as a homeless man." I laughed at that.
"Dad!" my dad was ready to leave. "Wait!"
Okay, so I took out a few context from the beginning, just for a drama's sake.
- Aidan Harold Humphrey