Title: Not Good Enough For Truth In Cliché

Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Captain Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Gwen Williams

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, bit of everything

Summary: Ianto is still haunted by memories. Memories of Metal and fire and the first love of his life dying. Now he has to face those fears. spoiler/mentions of Cyberwoman and Canary Wharf

Author Notes: The idea for this came to me whilst listening to 'Not Good Enough For Truth In Cliché' by Escape The Fate (which I found out recently sounds amazing live ;D) so the flashbacks throughout this story are inspired by that song.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Torchwood 'cause then I'd be all like "Hey, back off, Ianto belongs to me!" but I don't.

Chapter 1 - Haunting Memories

The room was dark, the very little light in it only coming from a dim lamp on the table. Ianto sat at the small table. The only things sitting on it were the lamp, a bottle of whiskey with a glass and a gun. He swallowed a mouthful of the liquid, closing his eyes for the warm, strong wave of flavour as it went down his throat. He stared at the gun intently, as if it were going to get up and do something. Light engulfed the room but Ianto didn't bother turning around. He could tell who it was by the shadow, even the faint smell that came with them. As he moved towards him, Ianto couldn't help but feel anger. He'd never hated anyone so much as he hated Jack at that moment.

"What are you going to do Ianto? Kill yourself?"

Ianto took a deep breath before speaking, his voice hoarse from shedded tears and the burning from the whiskey, "Maybe."

"You and I both know you're already dead. What's the point, really?"

"I...I thought I had it all figured out." Ianto gripped the gun in his hand, feeling the weight of it, "I loved her. She was fine even half converted. Why did you tell me to kill her?" He murmured through gritted teeth.

"Hey, you didn't leave well enough alone. Like you said, she was fine until you tried to fix her." Jack moved into Ianto's eyeline, "This is as much your fault as it is mine."

The younger man looked down at the gun, mainly to look away from Jack.

"You know, life is like a game of russian roulette." Jack sat down across from Ianto and the Welshman didn't even realise until then that there was another chair.

"Hmm?" Ianto never looked up from the gun as he ran the fingers of his other hand over the shine of the metal gently.

"You're always playing, always risking it all and sometimes...you lose and you get shot." Jack shrugged, "No one ever said life was fun."

"Plenty of people said that." Ianto stared at the silver finish on the gun.

In a flash he saw Lisa. He heard the metal, smelt the blood. He choked on his breath as he watched her die in his head, over and over again. The gun clattered to the table as he looked down at his hands. he saw her blood soaking them, just another thing he'd never be able to forget. The smell of it was intoxicating and he impulsively downed the rest of his glass, pouring another.

Jack's face didn't change as he watched Ianto's reactions. He sat where he was as if nothing had happened in those moments. He picked up the gun Ianto had moments before, feeling it from hand to hand.

"Honestly, what were you planning to do with this?"

"I don't know. Like you said, I'm already dead, what's the point anymore?" Iant shrugged.

"That you are. What's it like to die alone?"

Ianto looked into his eyes at that moment, pure fear in his eyes, "I don't even know." He looked to the bottle on the table, "I've never felt so alone. "

The captain nodded, "And killing yourself is going to make that better?"

"It's not like anyone is going to miss me."

"I didn't say that." Jack looked down, "I'd miss you."

"No you wouldn't." Ianto looked at Jack angrily, "You'd be glad to get rid of me."

Jack took a breath, "Mmm, you're probably right. You can do it if you like. I'm not going to stand in your way."

That stung. As much as he knew it was how Jack felt, it hurt to hear the words come out of his mouth. A tear ran down Ianto's cheek and he took the gun from Jack.

"Tell...tell Tosh I love her yeah?"

Jack nodded.

"And Owen...tell him I always thought he was a right bastard." Ianto chuckled through his tears, "And Gwen, tell her...say...I'll miss her."

Jack watched Ianto's face intently.

"I hate you Jack." Ianto mumbled, "But I care about you more."

"I know you do."

The bullet clicked in its chamber as Ianto cocked the gun, "Goodbye Jack." The thundering sound of the bullet firing filled the room and Ianto was shrouded in darkness.

Ianto breathed in heavily as he woke up, trying to catch his breath. He turned to see Jack in a deep sleep next to him and smiled faintly in relief. He ran a hand along the older man's arm gently, needing to feel he was there, more than just see him. Getting up carefully, he moved out into the main hub and ran a hand through his hair. The sweat made his hair stick up in random directions. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he sank to the floor in Jack's office, leaning against the wall. It'd been over a year since Lisa and he was still having this nightmare. Atleast he could rely on the fact that it was coming less often. He leaned his head back against the wall and waited for the inevitable tears to fall before he's go back to the bunk.

A/N: Depressingly angsty? Sorry, blame my current frame of mind. Please review. I'm actually really into this story idea.

Cheers,
Gabz
xx