Disclaimer: I own nothing except the right to subtly torture fictional characters. –smiles evilly-

JPOV

I looked at the clock. Alice would be here to pick me up in ten minutes. She had insisted I start seeing a shrink after I

collapsed emotionally and threatened to blow up Emmett's jeep a few weeks ago.

"How do you feel about your adopted brother's relationship with your sister?" the shrink asked, tilting his head to the side.

"I don't see the relevance in that question," I answered noncommittally. He quickly scribbled something down on the pad

that sat on his desk. The light bounced of his shiny bald head and cast a reflection on the wall.

"Do you resent the relationship your sister has with him?" he asked, his eyes scrunching up, scrutinizing my every breath.

Wouldn't it be funny if I stopped breathing?

"It wouldn't matter if my sister were dating you. She can do what she wants." I replied. His eyes scrunched up even more.

Was it possible for his eyebrows to get any closer together? No, probably not.

"I think you are subconsciously repressing your adopted brother because of you resent him for dating your sister." Had he

not heard what I had just said? Rosalie was not the problem. Emmett calling me a pansy was the problem. Emmett painting

my motorcycle orange was the problem. Emmett forcing me to sing Christmas carols in June was the problem. But was I

gonna tell the shrink that? Nope. If he couldn't figure it out himself, then he didn't need to know. I kept my face carefully

blank.

"I don't resent him for dating my sister." I said slowly, as if I were speaking to a small child. "Nor do I resent my sister for

dating him. It has nothing to do with their relationship." I tried to hide my smile as his eyebrows did in fact scrunch up closer

together. If only Edward were here to tell me what he was thinking.

"What then, do you think is the problem Mr. Hale?" He always ended our session with the same question. And just like the

first session, I didn't give him an answer. I just stared at him blankly until the clock chimed ten o'clock and I heard Alice beep

the Porsche's horn in the parking lot below.

"Good bye, Dr. Dull. See you next week." I smiled and stood to go.

"Good bye, Mr. Hale. Think on my question." I nodded and headed out the door. I hated Dr. Dull and the whole institution

that he stood for. Corner people in a well lit room and pretend to be there friend, and then torture them with meaningless

questions till they spill their guts. Awful. Absolutely awful. Alice greeted me cheerfully, her tiny elfin face full of happiness.

"Guess what?" she asked as I climbed into the car.

"What Alice?"

"You have to guess!" she cried, feigning horror.

"Um, did the EBay network crash?" I asked smiling.

"No! We are going shopping! Prada just released their new line of hair bands. Isn't that wonderful! Yay!" Her eyes were all

alight as she spoke.

"Yes, that's wonderful." I replied. How could I say anything else?

"Yay! We can go tomorrow at like five o'clock when the store opens! Yay!" her enthusiasm was hard to resist. "So, how was

your session with Dr. Dull?" she asked brightly.

"Fun, so much fun." I answered sarcastically. She rolled her eyes at my tone. "I don't even see why I have to go to the

stupid shrink."

"Physiologists are not stupid. They help people."

"Yeah, people with problems."

"I'd say that you, as a pyromaniac, have problems."

"I am not a pyromaniac!"

"You wanted to blow up Emmett's jeep!"

"That does not make me a pyromaniac!" I protested frostily. "Edward likes to break things and you don't see him at a

shrink's office. Rosalie is obsessed with hairdryers to the point that it's unhealthy. Is she seeing a shrink? And Bella. Bella

has decided to marry a vampire so he will turn her. If anybody ought to be seeing a shrink, it's her."

"Do not bring Bella into this. Your can't deny that you have emotional breakdowns more often than not."

"Of course I have emotional breakdowns! Not only do I have to deal with my own emotions, but I have to deal with

everyone else's. How do you think I feel when I'm around Bella while she's PMSing? Huh?"

"Don't have a tizzy fit, please." She said softly. "This is because of the song isn't it?" I nodded once. The song is what had

pushed me over the edge. The tea party threats I could handle. The constant stalking I could handle. But when Emmett sang

the song, it was too much. We got out of the Porsche and walked toward the house. Emmett was sitting on the couch when

we walked in. He looked up and smiled wickedly.

"So, how was your visit with the shrink, Jazzy?" He asked teasingly. "Did he give you any tips on how NOT to be a

pyromaniac?"

"He is a physiologist, Emmett. Not a 'shrink'." Alice replied calmly.

"I'm not a pyromaniac!" I shrieked at the same time.

"So, did you tell him that you like to play tea party?" he teased.

"No, I didn't tell him anything. Except that I don't care if you're dating my 'sister'." Alice whirled around and smacked me on

the arm.

"You told me you would talk to him!" she screeched. I grinned sheepishly and she stormed out of the room.

"So now that we're alone," he said motioning for me to sit on the couch next to him. "We can sing your favorite song…"

"No! Please no! Emmett I am begging you!" I cried.

"The itsy-bitsy-vampire hunted down the elk.

Down came the fangs and the blood spewed out.

Out came the sun and he sparkled like a gem,

So the itsy-bitsy-vampire went out to hunt again!"

I covered my ears and hissed. Then, Emmett tackled me, pinning me to the ground. We crashed into the wall, knocking

Esme's new painting to the ground where it was abruptly crushed. Alice snatched up Emmett's arm before we broke

anything else and pushed him towards the couch.

"Sit down now." She yelled. She was scary when she wanted to be. "Jasper, get up. Now both of you are gonna fix Esme's

oil painting before she gets home."

"Where is Esme?" I asked, stalling.

"She is at one of those interior decorating classes again. I'll get the super glue, you two apologize." We both gasped in

horror at her. How could she possibly ask us to apologize?

"Oooooooooo!" Emmett said pointing at her. "You said the 'A' word! Oooooooo! I'm telling Esme as soon as she gets home!

Oooooooo!" Alice shook her head.

"Please stop with the dramatics. I'm going to find some glue so you guys can fix that," she said gesturing to the crushed

canvas.

"But I didn't do anything! Why do I have to apologize?" I asked bewildered as she walked out of the room.

"Oooooooooo!" Emmett cried again. For the next two hours me and Emmett played jigsaw puzzle and tried to fix the

painting. When Esme got home her jaw fell open and her eyes bugged out of her head.

"Who did this?" she screamed. Emmett laughed.

"It was the pyromaniac. We took it away from him before he could torch it."

"That is NOT what happened. Emmett sang the song!" I whined. Alice was no where to be seen.

"So you're telling me," Esme began. "That Emmett sang The Song, so you decided to torch my new oil painting?" she put air

quotations around the word torch. "Which resulted in it looking like this? This monstrosity that is now glued to my wall?"

Emmett suppressed another laugh as I glowered at him. Then Bella walked through the door with Edward. She stopped as

soon as she saw the "monstrosity" on the wall.

"What is that?" she asked tilting her head to the side as she examined our make-shift jigsaw puzzle.

"I believe that used to be Esme's painting before these two killed it." Edward replied smiling. "You know Jasper, if you had

wanted to torch the painting, then you could of just struck a match to it, instead of ripping it to shreds." Bella was giggling

now.

"Why is it my fault? I am being forced to see a shrink. And I am NOT a pyromaniac! Doesn't anybody care about me?" I

screamed as I flew up the stairs. I ran into my closet and slammed the door. As I sat in the far corner at the back of my

closet a plan began to formulate in my mind. I smiled as I stifled another tearless sob.

XXXXXXX

"Jasper? Jasper?" I could hear Alice calling me from the hallway. She sounded upset. "Jasper, come out of your room we

need to talk." I suppressed a giggle. "I saw you throw away that blue pair of shoes you got for Christmas last year. Do you

have any idea how much those cost? Now open the door!" She sounded annoyed. Good. I had spent the last two days

redecorating my room while everyone else was away on a hunting trip. Alice threw the door open and her jaw dropped to

the floor. She quickly reassembled her expression as she gazed about her.

"I saw something like this in a vision Jasper, but why?" she looked mortified. As she should. I smiled. Her eyes flitted from

the black carpet to the black drapes to the poster with skulls that now resided on my wall. She gasped as she took in the

outfit I was wearing. Black converses covered my feet, and I wore tight, black jeans and a black shirt with a creepy skull

face on it. Alice just shook her head as I started to giggle. She rushed out the room, down the hall screaming Emmett's

name. I could picture her eye twitching as I heard her yell at Emmett and Edward.

"You two better go knock some sense into that boy, before I do it myself! He thinks he's some kinda freaky emo child!" the

volume of her voice increased as she ranted.

(not that there is anything wrong with being emo/goth. It just does not fit Jasper's personality.)

"Edward, tell me what he's thinking! Is he like brain-dead? What happened to Jasper? Emmett if this is your idea of a sick

joke…." She trailed off, as my two brothers looked at my newly decorated room with uncertain shock. Emmett started

laughing, of course, but Edward just stood there taking it all in. He shook his head as Alice had and looked at me like I was

going insane. I started to giggle as I threw a wave of panic at them.

"Alice," he said calmly. "I think you need to call the shrink…and Esme. Maybe she can help."

"How did you not see this coming Alice?" Emmett asked as his panicky emotions were replaced by grief. Playing with their emotions was fun.

"I saw it, but I didn't recognize it as Jasper's room." Her voice was morose as she too was sucked into my game of emotional

tag.

"Jasper, stop playing with our emotions." Edward snapped his voice full of uncertainty. They all looked uncertain now. I

smiled innocently.

"Do you like my new shoes?" I asked.

"Your pants look about three sizes too small." Rosalie commented as she stopped in front of my door. Her eyes absorbed my

room for a second as she fidgeted nervously. They were all shuffling their feet and twisting their hands now.

"You guys seem nervous," I said tilting my head to the side ever so slightly.

"It's kinda weird how you keep analyzing our conversation in your head." Edward said laughing cautiously. His eyes darted

about the room like a caged animal. This was going better than I had hoped. I smiled wickedly as I stood up. I'm going to

the mall to pick up some hair gel. I want to spike my hair up." I said calmly as I walked out of the room.

"ESME!" Alice yelled suddenly. Both Carlisle and Esme appeared almost simultaneously with worried expressions on their

faces.

"If this is another 'EBay Crisis'-" Esme started, but she cut off as she reassessed the situation.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked edgily. Rosalie looked annoyed so I sent pulses of insecurity towards her.

"I decided that I'm now in alliance with the dark side." I stated as I inched towards the door.

Everyone was staring at me.

"They have cookies on the Dark Side!" I screamed as I raced out of the house. "I did it for the cookies!"


Edward turned toward Alice then, looking confused. "He can't eat cookies." He said, his eyebrows knitted together.

Hi! I had lots of fun writing this. So please press the pretty purple-grayish button and send me a review please! If you

have any suggestions, I could use some.

Bye!

;)