Nella tentazione
Cercando lagloria
Il prezzoda pagare
E'la caduta dell'uomo
(Into temptation / In search of glory / The price we pay / The fall of man).
- Judas Priest,"Pestilence and plague"
"How is it going with your vice-captain?"
"Excellently, Captain Aizen."
"I've noticed he looks up to you."
"Everythin' accordin' ta yer plan."
"Aren't you afraid, though, his attachment may be superficial?"
"I'm sure we've nothin' ta worry 'bout."
"Even though, I think you should strengthen his dedication somehow."
"It's completely unnecessary."
"I could take care of this..."
"Oh, it's unacceptable. Please, don' waste yer time."
"I'd do it with pleasure."
"I really think there's no reason ta bother yerself wit' Izuru."
"Our scheme must not have any flaws. I believe I make myself clear."
"... Of course, Captain Aizen."
"I won't let anyone thwart my plans. We have to be sure of his loyalty."
"Yes, Captain Aizen. I promise ta take care of this."
"That's what I expected of you, Gin."
Kira was standing in a room, thinking over something, but then everything just vanished from his thoughts. For a moment, his mind was as blank as an unwritten parchment, and then he turned around and saw Captain Ichimaru in the doorway. Kira didn't know why, but suddenly he was completely sure Captain had to stand there for a while now. This thought was strangely pleasant and filled him with a happy excitement: that Captain was looking at him. Kira dared to look him into face, and he had an impression he saw something more thank an usual smile. Captain was standing in the doorway, clothed with the afternoon sun. Kira blinked for he couldn't see clearly in the bright light. Captain entered then, his haori waving, and he filled the room with himself. Kira suddenly felt tiny and insignificant, but it soon left before the feeling of calmness Kira had always had in Captain's presence. Captain didn't take the eyes off him, and Kira felt he blushed. The most amazing was the fact he wasn't embarrassed. The air was vibrating with magic, and Kira was oddly sure all his dreams could come true. Even sake didn't have such an effect on him - but at his present state Kira didn't feel like analysing neither his sensations nor the situation at the whole. He didn't even need to ask Captain about what brought him here, for everything seemed totally clear and obvious.
Captain came closer and stopped right by him. Kira, not so short on his own, was forced to raise his head to look his much taller superior into face. He felt the warmth of his body heating through the clothes and he delighted in the feeling of closeness, much intense than usually. A regret-hue thought came to the surface of his mind - or perhaps it had always been there - that actually he wanted much more. Yet, even magic of that moment didn't give him enough courage to ask for that "more", or even hope for.
Then Captain, like it was the most natural thing in the world, bent downs and kissed him.
The kiss was eternal.
Suddenly, everything turned extremely clear, and Kira thought he experienced the most perfect moment of his life: when desire turned into reality. The hands he was holding close to himself - out of his indecisiveness or instinctive defence - rested on his Captain's chest, still very timid and shy. Kira felt the lips on his own widened in smile, and some part of his mind understood the mischievousness of that smile. Captain grasped his hand and moved it lower until Kira's fingers touched the hard bulge.
The shock was so intense Kira pulled his mouth away, his eyes getting wide. Captain bent and whispered into his ear, "I don' wan' ta force ya ta anythin', Izuru..."
But Kira had already started to untie his uniform. Captain laughed quietly and turned him around with a swift move, now pressing the chest against his back. "We've time fer tha'," he said in a calm voice.
His fingers slid into Kira's hakama, and Kira ceased from thinking and became the feeling only. He felt Captain's slender fingers on the most sensitive part of his body. He felt the hardness pulsating on the small of his back, and he cursed the countless layers of clothes dividing them. He felt lips smiling on his neck when Captain moved his other hand onto his chest in which Kira's heart pounded frantically.
His legs gave up under Kira, but Captain never let him off his embrace. They knelt on the floor, Kira leaning against the one who had always supported him. He felt tears under his eyelids but didn't care a bit.
When Captain's hand sped up, his breath did as well. Kira felt the heart beating against his back, and it was the most complete sensation that even the physical satisfaction they both shared soon enough couldn't equal. Kira squeezed the hand resting on his chest and turned around to receive another kiss, this time more delicate and absolute.
It was late evening already. Gin was sitting in his office, looking by a tea through the latest reports. He didn't think of a bed yet, he did well with a short night sleep, staying vigorous both morning and evening. Although, he couldn't deny afternoon naps were pleasant, too... The song of the cicadas and the scent of the lemon tree were getting in through the open windows. A dim light of the lamp mixed with the glow of a moon that had risen a while ago and now was silvering the sills and the floors. Gin did well with little light. He poured a tea from a pot and sipping slowly, he grasped more papers. A persimmon flavoured tea - people were really inventive these days, weren't day? In fact, he suggested it to them himself and then became their number one customer.
Gin relaxed and leaned his back against an armchair, savouring this simple and truly perfect moment of peace. Moon, tea, evening. For an instant, it seemed nothing could move the world from its road, and everything would remain as it was. If only he was able to stay in this illusion...
He frowned, hearing someone open the door. No-one ever paid him a visit so late, so... Of course, Izuru. Gin was so used to his reiatsu he didn't even notice before Izuru was already in the doorstep. Whatever matter he came with, he was welcomed.
"G'evenin', Izuru," he greeted his vice-captain, cheerfully as ever.
Izuru murmured something, or so it seemed. He was staying in the doorway, hardly visible among the shadows and clearly hesitating to enter. Still smiling, Gin waved at him encouragingly. Well, Izuru always tended to show more independence than needed, so it was only natural that facing difficult situation, he was reluctant to seek for help. Gin was sure Izuru didn't simply stopped by to accompany him in watching the moon or drinking a tea. After all, he hated the persimmons.
The Vice-Captain of the Third Division decided to step inside. He slid the door behind him, looking distracted and using more force than needed. Gin waited patiently with a fleeting thought whether Izuru hadn't had a nightmare (very unfair, as the night was so wonderful), for he didn't suspect him to be a sleepwalker. But Izuru was wearing his shihakushō, so he hadn't have gone to sleep, at least on his own will.
"I'd say a night mot' came here, but ya've ta come ta tha' ligh' yet, Izuru," Gin stated rather mischievously, once again reaching the conclusion that the comparison Izuru to a moth is very accurate, regardless the matter of light.
Perhaps Izuru gained some confidence due to these words, for he decided to come closer and finally stepped into the circle of a gold light, though he remained silent. Gin felt a pang of concern as something about the boy wasn't normal. His eyes were glistening, cheeks were flushed, forehead was beaded with sweat. His usually neatly combed hair was untidy now. Could he possibly be sick? But the pulse of his reiatsu was firm, even if a bit faster than usually. Gin's thoughts went back to the morning, when Izuru had looked completely healthy, as pale and silent as ever. Nothing suspicious about him hadn't drawn Gin's attention, as he had already got used to Izuru's furtive glance full of lov... of devotion. Perhaps the boy had caught something in the meantime? Gin didn't intend to ignore his vice-captain's possible illness, especially when Shinigami practically didn't fall ill at all. He rose from his armchair, walked round his desk and came up to Izuru who wrung his hands nervously, licking his lips over and over. His eyes were wide open, with dark pupils filling almost whole irises. With no doubt, he looked like he had a fever.
"Izuru..." Gin started and then felt silent, not sure what he should do first and ask for.
Something glittered in boy's eyes, though there was still something loony about his stance. He lifted his hands, cupped Gin's face, and then - just like that - craned forward, bringing his mouth to Gin's lips.
Only then Gin understood his mistake: Izuru had no fever; the boy was in the state of sexual excitement.
Gin came to his senses in the last moment, cursing himself for what he was about to do. He seized Izuru's hands firmly and gently pushed himself away from him. Izuru opened his eyed and gave him a look that surely described chaos inside him: despair, confusion, and above all the burning desire he wasn't able to control.
"Captain... I..." he finally spoke, his voice hoarse. "I must... Please..." And Gin knew what Izuru was begging for. Yet, he was absolutely sure of one thing: he couldn't fulfil that particular request.
Izuru lowered his head and kissed Gin's fingers still clutching his own. Gin moaned inwardly, setting his hands free, and took Izuru's face in a firm grasp. Izuru protested softly and got hold of Gin's hands once again, but at the moment he was unable to do anything else.
"Captain," he started again, "please, do not treat me this way any more," he whispered in a voice full of suffering.
Gin felt as if he was hit with something very heavy, after he noticed tears in Izuru's eyes. He was shocked at the sight of his vice-captain, usually resolute and even-tempered, that due to some completely unknown reason lost his grip and turned into pure instinct. Izuru moved his lips and kissed the inside of Gin's hand, drawing closer. Gin realized he had to do something, before he himself lost control. Not that he believed it would happen, but...
Izuru, Izuru... Why have you come here?
No. It was so selfish thought he abandoned it right away. He looked at his vice-captain, aware that had he let him, the boy would waste his own life and Gin's as well, without even realizing it. Probably.
He didn't deserve it, and Gin had to help him.
Wanted to help him.
He released Izuru's face and gently yet firmly embraced his shoulders. Izuru clung to him, shaking like a leaf. Gin lead him to the sofa by the window and seated on it, then took the place next to him. Izuru turned his face at Gin, but perhaps something started to get to him, for he didn't try another kiss.
"Captain, these two days..." he began in a low voice, but each word came out with difficulty between the shallow breaths. Somehow, out of his tone or look, Gin understood Izuru was talking about eternity. "Why everything... is like... nothing happened? Like... that didn't happen?"
Gin looked at him, the questions coming to his lips, but he kept silent. Izuru bowed his head, obviously explaining Gin's silence in a way he feared. He clenched his hands tight.
"Perhaps it's a common thing... to come and... seduce his own vice-captain... and forget about everything," he said so quietly Gin was forced to lean down to hear him.
Once he heard though, he froze, and realized he'd rather not hear. Any simple explanation would do at the moment. He didn't pay attention to the hands finding their way between his clothes. Either Izuru had a fever that induced delusions, or... No, it was impossible. It was unacceptable, and he forbade himself to consider any other option.
He had to know more. He gently moved boy's hands away and placed them on his lap, forcing them to stay there. He embraced his vice-captain's slender shoulders and pulled him closer, knowing only by himself how much it was for him. But... It was Izuru that mattered. He bent his head and whisper only to him, "Tell me."
He wanted it - and he hated himself for it.
And then Izuru told him. He didn't omit any detail and he didn't keep anything to himself.
Gin knew he would never forget that night when he held his vice-captain in his arms, and could so easily fulfil his deepest wishes. It was not that he normally desired Izuru - but the boy clutching at him aroused more affection he had ever expected. It was impossible for Gin not to respond, physically too. Then, he knew he could have Izuru even more, and it would even make them both happy, but the truth was he could always have him that way, if he wanted. He was aware of Izuru's dedication towards him, and he knew how easy for him it would be to create a situation Izuru was telling him about, in broken words and utterly sincerely.
If Gin could ever consider himself strong, it was that night. If he could ever consider Izuru brave, it was that night.
Perhaps it was a curse that Gin held his vice-captain in high esteem, as he didn't want to change the bond between them into anything physical, especially now when they were so sensitive physically. "Forgive me, Izuru. Maybe in the next life."
Amazingly, as he continued with his story, Izuru was calming down, even if his hands moved on his own between his and Gin's clothes. The boy's voice became more firm, though never reached over the whisper. It was all right, since his words were only for Gin, and Gin was right next to him. Izuru's chest moved slower, only now and then he was forced to take a deep breath to continue. Eventually, his body relaxed and his hands took their rest on his lap. Gin didn't knew how long they had been sitting like that, but the moon had moved on the sky and its light came in by another window now. The cicadas were still singing, composed in a silky silence that fell on them both. The night was calm again.
Izuru rested a forehead against Gin's chest and whispered in his normal voice, "It didn't happen, did it?" Gin only hugged him tight. "It didn't..." Izuru repeated. "I was aware... all the time... Even though..."
The boy's hand squeezed the fabric of Gin's kosode. In a moonlight, Gin spotted a single tear making its way down his vice-captain's nose and splattering on the palm of his hand. Gin didn't even dare to interpret these tears and the words preceding them. He bent his head, brushing with a cheek at Izuru's fair hair.
"Thank you," he said softly. Izuru hunched. "Thank you for telling me," Gin repeated, trying to make his voice firm. "You don't know what it means for me," he whispered, aware these were the most sincere words he had ever said to Izuru. Even if it was only an illusion.
Izuru was falling asleep. He was exhausted, physically in a first place, and now his body was giving in. Gin felt he was tired as well. Both of them had fought a fierce battle, it was a fact. A Captain and his Vice-Captain.
As if he could read his mind, Izuru asked barely audibly, "Captain... Did I become a vice-captain on somebody's wink... to be use for somebody... Only for that?"
Gin felt his throat clenched. How could Izuru get something like that into his head? He murmured into his hair, "You are the best vice-captain I could ever have", and then he realized it wasn't an answer for the boy's question. "You are a vice-captain Gotei 13 can be proud of."
Izuru's hand clutched Gin's clothes again. He gathered his strength once more and whispered in a voice softer than night, "Please, let me... stay..."
He fell asleep. He must have felt himself secure, Gin thought. He must have believed he was allowed to stay...
When Izuru was already sleeping deeply, Gin pulled himself from under the boy and rose. Then then gently laid Izuru on the sofa and covered with his haori. The night was warm, no need for a blanket. For a moment, Gin was just looking at the silhouette of his vice-captain whose chest was moving up and down in an even pace.
"It looks good on you," he decided. "One day you'll become a Captain of this Division, Izuru," he though with a bitter-sweet certainty. "May you be blessed with such a vice-captain I am."
The dawn swept the eastern sky with a first brush, when Gin sat behind his desk to watch over his vice-captain's sleep.
Captain Unohana looked at him as if he had turned into a mantis.
"Captain Ichimaru, it sounds very... grave."
"Tha's why I come ta ya," Gin replied, smiling. "I can' imagine a better person."
"Correct me, if I am wrong. You expect me to remove the last three days from Vice-Captain's Kira memory?"
"As I already told, Izuru involuntarily became a subject ta very traumatic experience that had an effect on his psyche."
"There are another ways of treating such disorders," Unohana objected. "The therapy..."
"Izuru doesn' wan' ta undergo it once more. I believe that way would be the best fer him," Gin continued in the same tone.
"You may be his superior, but you have no right to decide on his health," Unohana declared with authority.
"Then I'll be frank wit' ya, and I hope it won' leave yer office. I suspect through Izuru someone tried ta strike at me. Of course, I dealt wit' it successfully, but my vice-captain was injured, and, moreover, he can fall victim ta somethin' like this again."
Unohana's glare clearly indicated the Captain of the Fourth Division didn't accept his supposed concern for Kira Izuru as a fact.
Stupid woman.
"I do understand your position, but..."
"The safety of Gotei 13 and Seireitei is at stake," Gin interrupted her. "Izuru won' suffer if he fergets about three days. He will only work better."
Now Unohana's face was saying, "I was right, you don't care about him a bit."
Gin started to consider the possibility of referring to Yamamoto - and endangering the conspiracy. He was determined to help Izuru, but if it threatened the mission... He swallowed. Always, when it came to Izuru, he cursed his task and himself much more, feeling like between the devil and the deep sea. Fortunately for him, Unohana said then, "I will do it. Safety of Seireitei takes priority."
Gin didn't show how much relieved he was. "I'm in yer debt," he said, bowing a head.
"I do it for Vice-Captain Kira, too," Unohana added with a very meaningful look, as if she wanted to reproach him for his heartlessness.
Gin's smile widened. "Fer that, I'm even more grateful," he replied.
Her eyes said it all: she didn't believe him in a slightest. Well, it was better like that.
Gin thought the worst was already past him, yet he was mistaken once again. The glance Izuru cast at him, following Unohana, made him muster all his strength not to turn away. In the boy's eyes, sadness, sorrow, and fear mixed with betrayal - above the absolute devotion. Gin promised himself he would do everything not to see his vice-captain looking like this any more.
"Captain..." Izuru called.
And Gin had to tighten all his muscles to stay in position. "Do it fer me, Izuru," he said calmly, though the calmness was farther than moon at the moment.
He ignored Unohana that regarded him clearly disgusted. Izuru lowered his head and left after his former commander, before Gin committed another indiscretion.
"It will not hurt, Izuru," Gin heard the healer's voice.
Won't hurt...
Gin sat on the bench, wondering how many times yet he would be forced to betray Izuru and how many times he would make him suffer again. Now, his could at last give vent to his fury, as since the previous day he had blocked all the negative emotions inside him.
Aizen.
Gin's hands clenched on his arms.
How could you? How could you do this to him?
What did you try to accomplish?
You sent a vision to him - a one that brought him to the verge of insanity.
Did you want him to believe that I needed him? That I wanted him in many ways? Did you want him to come to me and beg for more? Did you want me to attach him even more - to bind his will and take over? Or did you want him, had he proved too weak, to take away his life, for he wouldn't stand the disgrace?
Getting rid of those you can't use, like you got rid of Abarai, right?
You did it, Aizen. After so many years, you've finally given me a reason for wanting to destroy you.
You think, perhaps, I would thank you for pushing him into my arms? You know my heart well - yet not well enough. I'll be persecuted by his eyes, burning with despair. My hands will remember how he shuddered with fear I don't even want to imagine. He didn't deserve it. You hurt him - a person who is important to me. You hurt Izuru, and I will never forgive you. Never, Aizen.
He is innocent. He brings the light and offers comfort. I do intend to protect him - if only for the selfish reason that he helps me endure one day after another when I have to look into your eyes, smile and stay at your command. He, and him only.
Remember it, Aizen.
Otherwise I will remind you one day.
"How is it going with your vice-captain?"
"Better than ever. Thank ya, Captain Aizen."
"I'm glad to hear it. Keep it in mind - the stronger the bonds, the more certain the victory."
"I keep it in mind, Captain Aizen. What 'bout a shōgi game? I've missed it fer some time now."
"Fine, though I have to admit the way you play makes me uncomfortable. I am under impression you let me win by courtesy."
"I wouldn' dare, Captain Aizen. Beside... I believe I'll beat you one day."