A/N: So, I'm a bit nervous about this one. I am going to have to ask you, my dear readers, to use your imagination at bit. Since there is no description so you will have to picture where the characters are, and what they're doing. My challenge is making it easy for you. If I fail (an absolute possibility) I have taken the liberty of adding some of my very own, very cheesy, humour. If nothing else, you might get a good laugh right? And please review, please. I am dying to know what you think. Our story begins in the control room of the Doctors TARDIS:

Disclaimer: I claim no rights on Doctor Who, or Stargate SG1. Nor do I claim any money.

Faulty Wiring

By Veleria

Jack: "Carter, any idea what the bicyklepump does?"

Sam: "Er... No idea Sir, no."

Daniel: "I found a phone."

Jack: "You what? On an alien... whatever this is?"

Daniel: "It might be human though, a lot of this stuff looks like it could be from earth."

Sam: "I doubt it; this technology is way beyond us."

Daniel: "What are you doing Jack?"

Jack: "I'm checking to see if the phone works."

Daniel: "I don't think that's..."

Jack: "Hey! It's ringing."

Daniel: "Really?"

Jack: "Hello General, guess what we found... How'd you guess Sir?"

Sam: "How is that possible? Sir can I see that?... Hello General... Yes it appears so Sir... Yes Sir, sorry Sir I have to hang up now... Yes, goodbye Sir."

Daniel: "Are these post-it's?"

Sam: "Oh yeah, I was just about to tell you. I think they might be coordinates or something."

Daniel: "Might be, but to where? And besides, post-it's?"

Jack: "What's so wierd about that?"

Daniel: "Jack, this is an alien text, when have we ever found an alien text on a post-it?"

Jack: "Yeah well there's a first for everything... I suppose."

Daniel: "If you say so. But I doubt I'll be able to translate it anytime soon. I've never seen anything like it."

Sam: "Please try Daniel, I could really use an instruction manual for this."

Daniel: "Where's Teal'c by the way? Checking the place can't take this long."

Jack: "Teal'c come in please."

Teal'c: "I am here O'Neill."

Jack: "What's the hold up?"

Teal'c: "This place is much larger than first assumed Colonel O'Neill."

Jack: "How big is it?"

Teal'c: "I have counted sixteen rooms so far."

Jack: "Sixteen? Well I'll be damned."

Teal'c: "I also believe we have made a mistake."

Sam: "How so?"

Teal'c: "I suspect this to be inhabited; there is an unmade bed and several personal items."

Daniel: "You mean we stole someones house?"

Jack: "Easy Danny. Teal'c come back up, the least we can do is leave his stuff alone. 'Till the N.I.D. comes."

Sam: "Whoa!"

Daniel: "Sam! You alright?"

Sam: "Yeah, I just got zapped, this wiring is a mess. I'll be surprised if this thing can handle more than keeping the lights on."

Jack: "So it's broken?"

Sam: "Don't know Sir, it might be. The only way to tell for sure is turning it on, but since we don't know what it does exactly..."

Jack: "I get the point Captain. Ah Teal'c how good of you to join the party."

Teal'c: "I see no celebration, have you discovered its pourpose?"

Jack: "No I meant..."

Daniel: "Er... Sam did you do something?"

Sam: "No I doubt it, why?"

Daniel: "Well, it's sort of... moving."

Sam: "What?"

Daniel: "The pillar thing, it's moving."

Jack: "Captain what's going on?"

Sam: "I don't know Sir!"

Jack: "Hang on!"

Daniel: "Whoa!"

Sam: "Ow..."

Daniel: "It stopped."

Jack: "Well that was a smooth ride, what happened?"

Sam: "I... I think we moved Sir."

Jack: "You figured that out all by yourself?"

Sam: "Very funny, no I mean look at the screen."

Daniel: "Wait, this shows the outside right?"

Sam: "Yes, and not ten seconds ago, we were at the SGC."

Jack: "Where are we now?"

Sam: "I think... it's P3X-972 Sir."

Jack: "But that's were we found this thing."

Daniel: "It's more than that Jack; this is exactly the place where we found this thing."

Sam: "You're right, look that's the big rock you said looked like Cher."

Jack: "So it is. And I'm guessing that's the owner then?"

Sam: "Oh no."

Daniel: "Do we really want to get caught in here?"

Jack: "What do you suggest we do? Hide under the bed?"

Teal'c: "It would be wise not to touch anything."

Jack: "Right, Danny put the post-it back and get in position."

Daniel: "Coming."

Jack: "Ok, deep breath, stay calm and think like a teenager."

Daniel: "Huh?"

Jack: "Lie like crazy."

Daniel: "Oh right... Wait I don't think that's..."

Doctor: "...where did you get off too? Oh hello..."

Daniel: "Hi, I'm..."

Doctor: "Did I forget to lock the door?"

Jack: "Yeah kinda."

Doctor: "Typical, the one time I forget to lock up it happens to be found by the nosiest race in the universe."

Daniel: "About that..."

Doctor: "Did you touch anything? Move please."

Daniel: "Sorry, what?"

Doctor: "Did you touch anything?!"

Jack: "I uh, borrowed your phone."

Doctor: "Don't you army-types have radios for that?"

Daniel: "Yeah, we're really sorry about that, we just wanted to see if it worked."

Doctor: "Worked? Of course it works! This is a spaceship, if nothing else the phone ought to work."

Daniel: "Of course how silly of me."

Doctor: "Who are you by the way?"

Daniel: "Yes sorry, I'm Daniel Jackson; this is Colonel O'Neill, Samantha Carter and Teal'c."

Doctor: "Nice to meet you, sort of. I'm The Doctor."

Jack: "Just 'the Doctor'?"

Doctor: "Yes, is that a problem?"

Jack: "I guess not."

Doctor: "Now, did you press anything? Touch the wiring? Pulled any levers, please tell me you didn't pull anything?"

Teal'c: "We have pulled nothing."

Sam: "We only touched the phone."

Doctor: "Hold on, you mean to tell me that you stole a spaceship, my spaceship, and the only thing with any interest to you is my phone?"

Sam: "Er..."

Doctor: "That never happened before."

Daniel: "Well I was wondering about these notes..."

Doctor: "So the whole 'bigger on the inside' thing didn't faze you at all then?"

Sam: "Well..."

Doctor: "Or the weird power signatures, 'cause I know you scanned. It says so right here."

Sam: "Actually..."

Doctor: "Or travelling from one end of the galaxy to the other, in the blink of an eye?"

Jack: "We're kinda used to that..."

Doctor: "Maybe I should polish her up a little bit... Who touched my wires?!"

Jack: "Look Doctor, or whatever your name is, we're sorry we took your spaceship, and we'll help you fix any damage you find."

Sam: "We really thought it was abandoned."

Doctor: "Am I supposed to believe that?"

Jack: "Usually when you own a spaceship, you tend to remember locking up when you leave."

Doctor: "As if you've never forgot to lock your car."

Jack: "My car maybe, but I'm pretty sure I'd remember my spaceship."

Daniel: "Wait back up; you know what a car is?"

Doctor: "Of course I do, don't be silly. Do you know you nearly crossed the temporal circuit with the huon containment access?"

Sam: "No is that bad?"

Doctor: "Catastrophic is more like it; you could've flooded the temporal circuit with huon energy. The poor girl would have had indigestion for a month, not to mention the explosions."

Jack: "What girl?"

Doctor: "The TARDIS. Blimey you're a slow one."

Jack: "Gee thanks."

Daniel: "Is that what you call the ship?"

Doctor: "Yep, now where are you from?"

Sam: "Why do you want to know that?"

Doctor: "I'm going to take you home, I gather it's somewhere on earth?"

Daniel: "How did you know that?"

Doctor: "The colourful American flag on your not so colourful uniform gives it away a little bit."

Sam: "You've been to earth then?"

Doctor: "Of course, it's one of my favourites and the only place to invent the banana split."

Jack: "Carter."

Sam: "Yes Sir?"

Jack: "Did you slip any drugs in my coffee this morning?"

Sam: "I don't think so Sir."

Jack: "Oh well hope is fleeting."

Doctor: "So, address please."

Daniel: "We can just go through the stargate."

Doctor: "No I can't stand gate travel, disintegration makes me queasy."

Jack: "And who says you're coming?"

Doctor: "I am, if you get to poke about in my home then I get to poke around yours, seems like a fair trade to me."

Daniel: "It kind of does Jack, and besides another look at this ship is worth the risk."

Jack: "Carter?"

Sam: "I agree with Daniel Sir, this is too good to pass up."

Teal'c: "And he has been very gracious considering our trespassing."

Doctor: "And thievery, don't forget that!"

Jack: "Alright! Alright, it's in NORAD under Cheyenne Mountain."

Doctor: "Really? Why'd you put it there? Could you hold that blue button for me?"

Daniel: "This one?"

Doctor: "No to the left."

Daniel: "Oh I see it."

Sam: "We just thought it'd be safer that way."

Doctor: "What bring the whole mountain crashing down if anything should come through?"

Jack: "Pretty much."

Doctor: "Not much of a survival instinct."

Jack: "Yeah that reminds me, we should probably warn them before we go."

Doctor: "Too late for that now, hold on tight!"

Sam: "What? Ouf!"

Daniel: "Is it supposed to be this... bumpy?"

Doctor: "How else would I know if I was moving?"

Jack: "Yes Daniel, what a stupid question to ask."

Sam: "Ow!"

Doctor: "Right! Here we are then, NORAD, Cheyenne Mountain."

Teal'c: "Are you in need of assistance Captain Carter?"

Sam: "Thanks Teal'c, that's the second time I've landed on my butt today."

Hammond: "Colonel come in, are you all right?"

Jack: "Yeah we're here General, we're fine."

Doctor: "See, why didn't you just use that? It works fine."

Hammond: "What happened, you just disappeared?"

Doctor: "That would be me; it's a safety measure in case I forget where I parked her. Quite handy it seems."

Hammond: "Who is that Colonel?"

Jack: "That's the Doctor, he owns this... spaceship, and he was kind enough to offer us a ride home."

Hammond: "I was under the impression that the device was abandoned?"

Jack: "Yeah, whops?"

Doctor: "I should probably dust more... or at all."

Hammond: "I am very sorry for causing you any worry Doctor, is there anything I can do to apologise?"

Doctor: "Well... I was hoping for a tour if you don't mind, I promise not to touch anything. Except the phones."

Hammond: "What do you mean?"

Jack: "Sir just trust me on this; don't ask."

The end.

Rember now, review please. Thank you.