One shot Fanfiction of Heron-stairs (William Herondale /Jem Carstairs )
All rights belong to Cassandra Clare !
Before the Events of Clockwork Angel (possible spoilers ) –
What Not To Tell William Herondale ;"No Kissing in the Library !"
As Jem Carstairs ,stepped into the Institutes Library he did not expect to see the sobbing heap of his parabatai on the polished floor .Will lay on the hard marble ,hands curled inwards as feverish fists ,hiding his face behind white knuckles .
His breaths where small and harsh ,Jem was sure he felt them in his own chest ,a terrified birds wing beat against the poisonous rhythm of his heart .Will lifted his glassy blue eyes from the ground ,stained with tears they met the silver orbs of Jems gaze .
"Will "Jem darted down the steps into the center of the library ,flinging himself towards Wills still shaking body .What on earth was wrong with Will ,he couldn't be drunk yet again could he ? "Ja..Jem " Will stared at him open mouthed , his face displaying a flickering of forever hidden emotion :suppressed pain ,hatred for oneself ,and something small and dim flame at the of a long corridor ,yet never fading .A constant hurt .
"Will what on earths the matter ?"Jem murmured his soft and silky voice ,ripping a harsh agony in Wills head .This was something strange ,Will sobbing in the open ,not a single cruel word to be spat ,something was truly wrong ."Its everything James "Will sighed a breathe he had held for ,far to long ."Life in general .This place ,these people .The books James !Even the bloody Books !"
Wills hands flew in the direction of the book at the bottom of a shelf .The worn cover of "A Tale of Two Cities "was pulled slightly unhinged from the rest ,sleepy hands clawing in the dark .
"There all about love these books James ! "Will spat bitterly at the case of mundane novels ,all in perfect leather bound rows ,untouched "Dying for love .Living for Love ,Jem .But some of us really are just Sydney Carton .That's me ,James ,he's me !Because I will never to able to …to ".
His voice cut out ,like a snapped tether .A single tear rolled down his cheekbone and across his pale damp skin ,landing on Jems hand ,cold and soft ,all at once or never ,just like Will always was .
"I don't understand William ? "Jem pleaded ,reaching to rest his palms on Wills shoulder ,to force the other boy to look into his eyes .To see Will like this was breaking his heart ,or maybe the ache was already what Will felt ."No of course you can't James .No one ever can !"The last few words where a crying shout of fury .It was like nothing Jem had ever seen Will do .There was nothing hidden in his unhoneyed voice ,the silver droplets of truth .Tears can't lie ,and at that moment neither could Will .
Jem knew Will to be ,strong ,gorgeous ,callously brave ,daunting and bitter ,but not the tortured soul that stood before Jem now ,lonely and tearful .Suddenly Jem was pushed to the floor ,Will looming over him ,black locks brushing his face .Wills arms pushed against Jems shoulders ,pinning him like a dart so that Jem was unable to move without hurting Will ."But with you James ,it doesn't matter ".
Wills lips touched against Jems ,they told him sorry and forgive ,they said I know that this is wrong .Maybe this wasn't quite how Jem had planned his first kiss ,with his sobbing best friend ,on the library floor .This kiss was haunting and desperate ,Jem could taste bitter salt on Wills tongue .But something about it was beautiful ,he could see through the cracks in Wills facade .He could taste unsaid words on his lips .
The library door opening happened unsuspectingly ,the small scarred form of Sophie was revealed at the handle .Her face was merciless ,almost as pained as Wills ,her scar twisted upwards ,as her neck and cheeks blotched ."Master Jem !Master Will !"She shouted out in alarm ,tiny hand reaching to cover her parted mouth .
Will turned from snow to ice ,his face hardening as he jumped up to his feet ,refusing to look at the slumped ,dazed form of Jem "Miss Collins I assure you this is not what it looks like "Will demanded her to believe .
To Sophie ,she had seen the only boy she had ever loved ,soft ,kind ,gentle to the core kissing the drunken wayward horror that was his best friend .In that moment any agreeable thought she had (or ever would have )or William Herondale turned to a boiling hatred .She despised him ,for what he was doing to Jem .
Jem sat up ,his silver hair flickering from the light of the witch light sconces in the corridors .His eyes where full of shock "Sophie !Wills right its not what you think "the words where sputtered and confused .
"I expected better from you Master Jem "She whisperer her voice ,a disembodied plea ,as though she was merely a ghost watching a scene .She pointed a gloved hand at Will "And You !No kissing in the library .But I wont tell anyone …just this once ".
The hatred ablaze in her eyes ,shone ,but to create such a scandal that would hurt her beloved Jem ,that was something she would never dare .Slamming the door behind her ,Sophie left the library ,the echo holding up against a eerie silence for words .
Will looked at Jem ,opening his mouth only to shut it again .He spoke with his usual cool distaste for the world around him "I'm sorry Jem .I don't know what came over me …this means nothing .Nothing at all "
Wills sadness was gone ,leaving him a hollow shell of wreckage .The words where a slap to the face ,a punch to the stomach .They stung ,yet Jem found himself nodding in agreement ."I know " He said "I know ".
"I'm truly sorry Jem "Will leaped away ,a shadow of his voice lingering as he disappeared down the corridor ,in search of sin and vice ,of kisses that didn't belong to Jems lips .For pretty souls who didn't ask questions ,for a brash fling in the night .
Jem was alone in the library .Many thoughts plowed through his mind ,of whys ? and what's ?or kisses and salt .Why was he so different from everyone else in Williams eyes ?Of why the kiss made his heart flutter ? But one remained .
I will find a way to save you from what has harmed you Will .Even if that thing is yourself .Your secrets are safe with me .That is our curse .
Jem told no one of his leaving ,as he followed Will into the dark London night .