Vulnerability

by Raine Ishida

Snow wasn't prepared for her to break down and start crying. She was a strong woman whose emotions were always in check. The fact that she was breaking down alarmed him.

"You miss her?" he whispered, slipping his fingers under her hair to cup the back of her head in his hand. It comforted him to hold her; no woman this beautiful and strong should ever cry or feel this much pain.

"Every day. I've...let her down." Fang's tears dripped onto Snow and he felt them running down his shoulder. "I told her I'd come for her and what am I doing? Wasting time." She grimaced. "Screwing around with you. Betraying her."

Snow averted his eyes. He was just as bad. He was practically a married man. What would Serah think?

"You don't think I feel bad too? I asked Serah to marry me. I promised I'd be her hero forever. I've betrayed her, in the same breath I'd said I'd save her with."

Fang let out a heavy sigh. "In Oerba we have a tradition. We exchange the beads we receive as children with the one we choose to spend our lives with." Fang's fingers went to the beads around her neck. "We've been together our entire lives. Without her, I'm sort of lost. I don't know who I am anymore."

Snow's heart ached. He was wearing an engagement necklace that he'd bought, the matching one around Serah's neck. Her tear was in the pocket of his pants...that were on the floor. He turned his eyes back to Fang's face and stroked her cheek. He wasn't by nature a particularly gentle person, so the affection startled her.

"It's not your fault. Not alone, anyway. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. I knew what I was getting into."

Snow chuckled. "I didn't. Wasn't expecting you to start crying."

Fang smiled, a flush creeping across her cheeks. "I don't usually."

He felt a strange connection to her not akin to madness. They were alike. Warriors who just acted out because they had someone to protect.

Silence passed for a long time before he asked a question he'd probably get hit over.

"What's it like with Vanille?"

Fang paused, then smiled softly. "Beautiful. Sometimes she cries too. But don't tell her I said that."

Snow was quiet for a moment and Fang felt the need to tease him about imagining her with Vanille, but the look in his eyes told her he was thinking of something else.

"What about Serah?" she asked softly.

Snow sighed heavily. "It's...sweet. It's only happened a couple of times, but they were nice times."

"You were her first," Fang assumed. Snow nodded, looking away. He knew what she was going to ask. "But she wasn't yours. I don't have loads of experience in that department with men, but I can tell you've...been around."

Snow blushed. "Yeah, I guess."

"Who was your first?"

"Lightning."

Fang coughed. "What! Serah's sister?"

"...Yeah."

"Gonna tell me more than that?"

"Nope."

"Fair enough," Fang agreed.

"It was a long time ago. And now it's kind of weird since I'm with Serah."

"Does she hate you?"

"Who, Lightning?" Snow shrugged and settled back against the pillow, his arms behind his head. "I guess she does. It would explain why she's so rude to me. But I wonder if she hates me for other reasons."

"Maybe she's jealous," Fang suggested, drawing her knees up to her chest.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, think about it. If you and Lightning shared a special experience together and now you're with her sister... Is that not unusual? Women aren't the most forgiving sort."

"Women are a lot of things," Snow concluded, glancing up at her. "Take you, for example. A moment ago you were crying out of guilt because you feel bad for betraying your partner. But, and let me play the bad guy for a moment." He reached for her and pulled her down onto his chest. "If given the chance, would you do it again?"

"I will punch you into next week," Fang whispered. "I should kill you. But then I would have to kill myself. We have both betrayed the ones we love. But I will tell you one thing." She sat up and straddled his hips, leaning over to whisper into his ear. She felt the shiver run over his skin as she spoke, her fingers light on his chest. "...I don't regret it for a second."