A Hannah Montana FanFiction
Miley rolled over and opened her eyes groggily. She shot bolt upright. She was... on the beach! She could tell because of the sand. And the obviously fake backdrop a few feet away. She stood up, her legs shaking slightly. I must get back home, she thought. I have a concert tonight! Miley hobbled past the surf shack, and caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. Her hand flew to her bulging stomach. Sweet Nibblets she thought desperately. She was FAT! Miley decided she needed to get back to her house ASAP.
Miley wandered into her home and stopped dead. It was... trashed! The sofa's cushions had been ripped and their stuffing strewn across the room, the lamps had been overturned, the paintings broken, and the table lying in two pieces on the floor.
"Sweet Nibblets!" She cried. Suddenly, her bodyguard appeared out of nowhere in a puff of smoke.
"Miley!" Roxy said.
"Roxy! What happned?" And Roxy explained the entire story to her, making sure to keep it simple as to not overload her precious tiny head.
FLASHBACK!!
After preforming yet another concert, Hannah Montana stared out at the audience blankly. It was filled with screaming under-ten girls, all wearing Hannah Montana t-shirts, Hannah Montana jeans, and even Hannah Montana underwear, all bought for the low WalMart price. 'Sweet Nibblets' she whispered. This was no life for a teen pop sensation. Her concerts should be filled with teenage boys! And, more importantly, hot teenage girls!! Hannah was tired of being thought of as a little kid's singer. Why, people would start ranking her with the Wiggles next!! No. She had to do something to prove to the entire world that she was an adult.
Miley wobbled into a dance club. She was wearing 12-inch high heels, a tight-fitting belly top, the shortest of mini skirts, and, of course, her Hannah wig. The music was too loud, too pulsing for Miley's brain. It was crowded with people dancing, drinking, and making out. She hobbled right up to the bar tender and ordered the most alcoholic beverage they had. Wait till the paparazzi catches me drinking like an adult! Yeah! That'll show I'm mature.
The bartender handed her a drink, and she gulped it down. The taste was horrible, the stench revolting, and yet, she had to keep drinking. For the sake of her maturity! "More," she demanded. The man obediently refilled her glass. She tipped her head back and swallowed it down whole, just as Oliver rushed over to the counter.
"Miley, Lily and I have been looking everywhere for you! She's searching the bars at the other side of town, and I looked in twelve bars befo–" Miley crushed her lips onto his. After a minute, she let him come up for air. "I have always loved yooou, Oliber." she slurred, and then dragged him into a supply closet.
Miley stumbled out of the closet thirty minutes later, leaving Oliver locked in there wondering What the Heck. She ordered another drink, and then hobbled outside. Lily ran to her almost immediately, as did half the country's paparazzi.
"Hannah, oh my God!! You scared us all, you dimwit!! Do you know how much–"
but Miley interrupted her, forcing her lips onto Lily's. "I love yooou. I always have, my Lily." And Lily blushed. "I... love you, too." And they kissed again, as the paparazzi flashed away with their cameras. Miley then noticed for the first time the presence of the cameras. She started stripping. "LOOK AT ME!!" She yelled. She posed. Lily was dazed from the kiss, and no one noticed when one member of the paparazzi slipped a small vile of liquid into Miley's drink. Miley sipped the drink, and blacked out instantly.
END OF FLASHBACK!!
The drug use knocked Miley out for a good nine months. So Miley when Miley woke up, she was at the final stages of her pregnancy. She delivered the baby right when Roxy finished with the story. The baby was male, but Miley didn't care about him.
"What about the house?" She pressed, leaving the baby on the floor.
"Well, you didn't show up for your concert the next day. Or the next day. That made the Hannah fans mad. That, added with your lesbian kissing, made the public mad enough to track you down and destroy your house. After eight and a half months, people finally started to return from the brainwashed state than Hannah Montana put them in. And the world was a better place. The cure for cancer has been found, we're able to understand what cats and monkeys are saying, we can teleport, we are able to walk on Saturn!" Roxy finished her speech passionately.
"So you're saying that... no-one likes me anymore?"
"Not even your own daddy. He decided he was sick of writing crappy baby songs and left."
"I don't have a single person left in the world?"
"Nope. You blew it. Well... there is one person..."
Miley dug her manicured claws into Roxy's arm. "Who, Roxy? Tell me!!"
"There's this one girl... her name is Heather. She loves you. She wears this 'I ❤HANNAH' t-shirt. Your lesbian kissing thrilled her. She's standing outside right now, engagement ring waiting."
And that is how the Hannah Montana era ended, forever. Miley married Heather, and the two of them lived as social outcasts for the rest of their lives, writing crappy songs that they sang to each other. They had eighteen kids together– nine had Miley as the mother, the other nine had Heather. Don't ask me how they managed it. Their names were Hannah Jr., Miley Jr., Heather Jr., Hiley, Meather, Hennah, Hannah III, Miley III, Heather III, Hanther, Hanley, Mither, Hannah IV, Miley IV, Heather IV, Hannah V, Miley V, and Heather V. It didn't help that these were all boys. All of them had the middle name 'Tyler', as Heather mourned for the man she loved long ago, but had turned gay so Layla could be happy. The kids eventually all teamed up and stabbed their parents, and from that day on, the sun shone without stopping, the birds never stopped singing, and everyone smiled all day long on this cheerful planet we call Earth.
❤The End ❤