This is a fic my friend Beth and I wrote in Girl Scouts one night out of pure boredom. It's based on a song that we learned in Girl Scouts called "I Met A Polar Bear". What I'll do is I'll write the original song, and then I'll write the funny wampa poem.
Here's the original:
"I Met A Polar Bear"
The other day,
I saw a bear,
A big white,
I had to stare.
Hew stared right back, (the typo was written on the lyrics sheet ^_^ )
And seemed to grin,
His long white fangs,
Hung to his chin.
He moved toward me,
Upon four paws,
And those four paws,
Held six-inch claws.
I couldn't move,
My feet were froze,
As I saw steam,
Shoot from his nose.
But I was safe,
Because I knew,
This polar bear,
Was at the zoo!
Now here's the wampa poem:
I Met A Wampa
By: Luke Skywalker
I dedicate this to: Han Solo, who found me when I was already frozen and near death and shoved me inside a bacta tank.
Note to Readers: This poem was written while I was half-dead and delirious inside a bacta tank wearing only a belt and a large, waterproof diaper.
The other day,
I saw a wampa,
A big white wampa,
I had to scream.
Hew stared right back,
And seemed to grin with a decaying smile,
His long white fangs,
Hung to his chin dripping with blood from his last meal.
(He attacked me!)
He moved toward me,
Upon four paws,
And those four paws,
Held sixteen-inch claws.
(He clawed me!)
I couldn't move,
My feet were froze to the ceiling,
As I saw steam,
Shoot from his nose.
(He got his arm chopped off.)
But I was safe cuz Han was doing CPR on me and…
Because I was inside the boiling carcass of a tauntaun.
This wampa
Was dead in the frozen wastes of Hoth.