No matter how I change this stuff never does. You write pointless disclaimers here, such as I do not own any characters except my OC's, all credit for things not mine go to whomever they belong to, especially Masashi Kishimoto (as he wrote the manga, which if you like you should buy) and I do not get paid anything but online cookies for writing this or anything else I decide to with my my shiny new identity. If you think you know who I am, don't tell anyone.

The first story I am publishing under this account, and it's a Naruto. I think that's ironic. Truly, Kami has issues with me. Anyway, the point of this story, and the title, is far from being clear, but I swear it will make sense later. If I finish it.

It all began with the Nara family's main warehouse. While how, or why, it happened is still unknown to all except possibly the Black Anbu, and they aren't talking even if they do. All that is known is that in one day Konoha village changed forever.

Naruto, of course, was at the very center of the problem.

"Alright, Konohamaru, now watch this. I'm gonna show you one more time, but then you gotta do it yourself. Sexy no jutsu!"

As the dust settled a blue eyed girl in long blond ponytails stood where the young ninja had been not a moment before. "You think you've got, kid?" she asked. "Yeah boss, I got it, I got it. Like this…Sexy no jutsu!" Konohamaru was engulfed in vapors as well, the pop of smoke pellets sounding through the small clearing.

"Almost kid, you've done it before, I don't get why you keep messing up. Have you even looked at a pretty girl before? You look more like a lumpy sack with your face. Hahahaha"

"Show me one more time boss, I can't get these stupid boobs to look right"

"Alright, fine" the blond said as they both changed back into boys.

"Watch close, 'cause I'm not doing this again. You're gonna have to learn how to train on your own."

"That's how you learned how to do the sexy jutsu, right boss?"

"That's how I learned most of then stuff I know, you have to do it yourself or…" he cut off and looked towards the edge of the woods. Konohamaru looked puzzled until Sasuke and Neji sprang from the trees to stand near the two. "The council said you'd probably be here. Squad nine has a mission, Naruto" said Neji as Sasuke leaned into the shadows surrounding the tree limb he had perched himself on.

"What the heck are you doing here, Neji? And why do we have a mission? Ero Sennin said we were going training!" "He isn't back yet, baka, and an order is an order" Sasuke replied for Neji as he turned. "We meet in the Hokage's old office in one hour. Hurry up." " Wa-wait Sasuke, why are we meeting there? Wait u…" he stopped as Sasuke gave him one of those looks that said " I can't believe you have the audacity to continue" as he turned on his heel, about to leave.

"A moment, Sasuke. There is something I wish to discuss with the two of you. It will take only a moment, if you would." Neji's quiet voice shattered the tension that was slowly building between the two like the blade of a well sharpened kunai. "Shikamaru has something he is to be delivering to the council, and he requested me to accompany him. The way he phrased it I believe it is more than a simple errand, although it may simply be that he is being cautious due to the threat of Orochimaru. As we are going in more or less the same direction, would you be willing to make a slight detour and assist us?"

"Isn't the Nara research labs almost a day away from Konoha?" quipped Konohamaru, somewhat disgruntled by the apparent ignorance he was being shown. "What! I didn't know that!" Naruto said.

"You don't know anything you knuckle head," Sasuke replied. " I take it Nara is closer than that. What is his current location?" he asked as he turned towards Neji.

"I was told that it was being delivered to Shikamaru on the outskirts of Konoha forest, on the due east side of the village, by a group of the Nara. They don't have enough time to deliver it the whole way, they are merely passing through, so he has been pressed into service. We are so short on able bodied ninja at the moment, Shikamaru has a valid point; these woods are indeed no longer safe. I will be going now" he said as he turned towards the barely discernable path leading away from the entrance to the village.

"I bet it's just another way for that guy to slack off" Naruto said as he turned to follow Neji. "What about me, boss? I'm not allowed out of the village without permission, or being with a ninja. I'll get in so much trouble." "Fine, whatever kid, but keep up or we're leaving you behind." "Right, boss" he said as the two of them took to the trees, Sasuke following right behind them. "If there's any trouble, stay out of the way" was Sasuke's only comment as he quickly passed Naruto and Konohamaru to join Neji.

You're right, boss, he is a pain," Konohamaru complained, only to be told more or less the same thing by the orange clad boy who was swiftly outrunning Konohamaru, seemingly without effort. The young ninja-to-be could barely keep up with the seasoned shinobi that were slowly but surely leaving him behind. Fearing being left alone amongst the trees he pushed himself further.

-o.0.o-

As Shikamaru leisurely walked to the edge of Konoha forest he found himself wondering why it was his clan couldn't just deliver whatever it was to the council themselves. He and his squad had just come off a mission, and he was exhausted. All Shikamaru wanted to do was find a patch of grass and watch the clouds drift by until he drifted off to sleep. Jeez, this is such a drag. What is my father thinking, sending a group that won't come all the way? He knows I'll just have to come get the stuff he thought to himself as he scratched the back of his head, a comforting gesture to his aching mind.

Suddenly sensing the approach of several people from behind him he leapt into the nearest tree capable of supporting his weight and placed his hand closer towards the pouch that rested on his hip. Recognizing the nearly silent footsteps of the incoming group as containing Neji, as well as Sasuke and Naruto, he silently dropped back to the middle of the path he had been treading moments before. What are those guys doing here? he mused as continued to walk. No use waiting, it'll only waste time. Who else is with them? he thought as the sound of a fourth member stumbling broke the groups rhythm, or at least Naruto's.

Mere seconds later Neji and Sasuke shot from the trees to join him on the nearly unperceivable trail. "Neji, did you have bring the whole gang? Who else is…" he trailed off as the answer landed at his feet in the form of a out of breath Konohamaru riding piggy back on the still lightly breathing Naruto. "Hey, What's the kid doing here. Ain't he the Fourth Hokage's Grandson?"

"It's a long story, and one that I do not believe we have the time to discuss at the moment" replied Neji. "The borders of Konoha forest are being watched, it seemed to me that sending a single shinobi to collect something to be delivered to the council could be construed to be a sign of weakness. I did not intend to bring Naruto and the child, but they were there at the time I asked Sasuke"

-o.0.o-

"Well, sor-ry for being unwanted." Naruto interjected "It's just a stupid errand, I should a' just gone by Ichiraku and gotten a snack before our mission started." "Nobody told you to come, knucklehead" responded Sasuke as they all continued to their destination.

If the Nara clan wasn't famous for their intelligence, it would be the Nara males abhorrence to straining themselves in any way that would be their defining feature. In true Nara fashion the small band of research ninja arrived at the pre-agreed meeting place at an almost snail-like pace, exactly on time and not a moment before. Their treatment of the small wooden box they were intrusting to Shikamaru, however, was at odds with their seeming boredom.

They refused to even give it to him until he had proven to their satisfaction that he was indeed who he claimed to be, and that the rest of the group accompanying him was truly what they appeared; a group of young comrades from Konoha. After imparting the almost routine instructions to deliver it to the council, to not allow it to be damaged or shaken around excessively, and to refrain from losing it under the subtle insinuation that there would be hell to pay if it did not find its way to its destination safely, they left in the same leisurely manner they had come, the last one even yawning as he followed them sluggishly.

Ugh, they even made me do a shadow possession. Shikamaru thought as the shinobi began there journey back towards Konoha. We really need a password or a series of questions, instead of all that. Then again, others could figure them out and that would … what if we… Shikamaru, lost in though, was not so rapt up that he failed notice Neji's right hand's small movement, directing his attention to the forest that lay before them.

Great, and here I thought this was going to be a quick errand he thought as even Naruto noticed the presence looming beyond them, swerving off course with Konohamaru in tow. At least Naruto's gained enough sense to know he can't fight with someone on his back…or maybe not he thought in the back of his mind as an orange blur passed through his vision.

-o.0.o-

As soon as Naruto noticed the signs his teammates were sending each other he recognized they were not alone on their trek towards Konoha. While he wasn't the most observant of ninja, once he knew where his opponents were located it was merely a matter of time before he rushed in and finished them off. Since the chunnin exams, however, he had learned some self restraint; not every situation could be resolved through unbridled, unthinking violence.

Within the space of a moment he had left Konohamaru in the care of a shadow clone and had sent an additional two clones to scope out the situation. It was surprising that he hadn't simply gone himself, but he had decided that a plan with his fellow compatriots might come in handy.

The information his clones brought back wasn't all that surprising; several unidentified shinobi were up ahead, and they were most definitely not leaf-nin. The badges they wore, or didn't wear in this case, indicated they were up to no good. Naruto didn't think the were going to be that much of a problem; he said he could take them out himself, and for once the rest of the group agreed. Shikamaru thought they were either trying to attract attention or they were pretty low level shinobi judging by their method of approach. However, he didn't become known for his strategic abilities by rushing in haphazardly, much less into something that promised a workout.

And this was no longer a walk in the woods.

Should I even bother asking for reviews? I thought not.