July 6th, 1957. Woolton, Liverpool.
-Let me introduce you a friend of mine, he is a great guy, you'll be more than impressed. John, he is my friend Paul, Paul McCartney.
-Hey, nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you John, nice show, you guys are awesome!
-Thank you.
-John, as you, Paul plays the guitar extremely well, maybe you should take a look.
-Really? Can I hear something?
-Sure, just tell me what you wanna hear.
-How about Twenty flight Rock?
-Of course.
He started to play and I watched him all mesmerized.
His performance was good, I mean, more than good, it was outstanding. The way he played, the way he sung, the feeling through his voice was something I have never heard and felt before. It was very special, it made me feel jealous, but I could tell he was exactly what I was looking for in my band. When he finished, he gave me a smile and said:
-Well, what do you think? Was I good?
-….
-It was great! Damn Paul you are really good! Right John?
-Y.. yes, really good.
-I'm glad you liked it.
-Well how can you say no? That was incredible!
-Thanks Ivan.
-You're right. Paul, that was outstanding, I have to confess that I'm impressed, more than impressed.
-Thank you very much.
-You see? I told you you'll be more than impressed…
And I was. He was better than me, and I was jealous. I was even more jealous when he taught me how to tune my guitar. I just couldn't believe it. I considered myself a good guitarist but after meeting him everything changed. The other members of the band came and we started talking about random things but for me nothing was the same anymore. And then, suddenly, something happened: while talking, I started to look at him, attentively. His hair, his body, his eyebrows, his eyes… He was a very handsome man, and his attitude just made him look even better. Then he looked at me and I just felt the ground disappear of my feet. He smiled and I smiled back, a little confused. What the hell was that! Why was I looking him that way? Why was I thinking of him in such a strange way? Why I got nervous when he look at me with those beautiful eyes? Why was I thinking those things?
As the time passed by, we started getting along better. We talked more, spent more time together and our friendship was getting stronger. We had almost everything in common, which made things easier between us. He was such an incredible man, his way of thinking, the way he composed, the way he talked, it was so like me. I started to look at him as a brother, and I was happy to see that he apparently looked at me the same way. It was like magic.
My life was complicated, and even more after my mum's death. I was a really complicated guy and I had my aunt yelling at me almost all the time about school and stuff like that. I didn't pay too much attention being the rebel I was, not caring about anything, but at that time music was everything for me, and Paul had the same feeling. The time that we spent together was just something impossible to describe, making me feel in a way I never felt before. So comparing the time that I was at home and the time I spent with Paul I saw that the only times when I was feeling good and in peace were the ones that I spent with Paul. He made me feel good, understood, in company. It was just so perfect.
So then I realized everything. It wasn't just friendship, or good things what I was feeling for him. It was more than that, something more powerful, more caring, something special, pure and unique. It was love, I was falling in love. I was falling in love with Paul McCartney.
Liverpool, 1964
-John, are you alright?
-….
-John?... John!
-What? Excuse me, I was distracted.
-Yeah, right. Hey, wanna go out or something? George and Ringo are playing cards again.
-Well, I just wanna lay down.
-How come? You love going out. Is everything alright?
-Yes… I'm just… Guess I'm not in the mood.
-Oh well, I think I'm going out then. Hope you feel better.
-Thank you.
I saw him walking away and my heart sank.
I stood up and looked at him from the window. I didn't want to be mean to him but all this pain was really hard to hold. I sighed and sat down again, thinking sadly. All this years were incredibly awesome, we were the most incredible band ever, we had achieved so much but something was missing. I wasn't completely happy, and I knew very well why. I didn´t have him. I still loved him, but he was absolutely unaware of that, which made my pain even worse. For how long was I going to be able to hide all this? Will I get the courage of telling him the true, my true feelings? I shooked my head trying to make those thoughts away when Ringo came in.
-Hey John, what's up man? You got a headache?
-Not really Rings. I guess I'm a little tired. How was the game? Who won?
-You don't need to ask, it was obvious it was me.
-Really? Congrats son.
-Yeah, It was good. What were you doing? Watching telly?
-Nah, just laid down.
-And Paul? I thought he was with you.
-I saw him walking out. Guess he was going to take a walk.
-You're still mad huh?
-Who? Me? Come on, back off.
-You should have seen his face when he saw I won, it was so hilarious.
-Whatever.
-Get over it George! It was just a game!
-But I'm not saying anything! I'm not even mad!
-Your face tells me something else, right John?
-….
-John, I'm talking to you.
-….
-Hey John!
-You said something Rings?
-What's going on with you Johnny? You didn't pay attention to a word we said.
-Yeah, Is that something we can help with?
-No, thank you George, I'm just a little tired.
-It seems more than that to me.
-No Rings, It's just… just… well I'm confused. Sorry guys but I can't tell.
-Wanna be alone?
-Please don't take it bad lads, but I'd really appreciate it.
-That's alright mate. Come on George, let's watch telly.
-Ok, let us know if you need something.
-Thank you very much guys.
They closed the door and I let my body fall on the bed, I was feeling very sad. My heart was drowning itself and I was all alone in my pain, I felt so lonely, so vulnerable, I was falling for him so deeply that anything could make me do the most unreasonable things. But then my pride came in. I was always a stubborn man, and this thing wouldn't make me fall down. I wasn't supposed to feel that way, it was not fair, there must be a way to get this over, or at least, painless. So I stood up, sighed strongly, and decided that if I was going to feel the same for a long time, then I should get the courage of hold it on, in the strongest way, at least I was close to him, maybe one day he realizes, that I love him. And if not, I'd prefer even his company, but being away and apart from him, never.
I was about go out to take a little walk just to make my thoughts clear again when the door opened and Paul came in. He had a little bag in his hand and a sweet smile for me.
-Thought you may be hungry.
-For me? Indeed I was, thank you.
-You feel better now?
-Yes, way better, just needed some rest.
-I'm glad to hear that, I don't like when you are all sad. It depresses me.
-How come?
-Well, you are my best friend, you are my brother. If I see you sad then I'm sad.
-That was really touching.
-Don't think I don't mean it, I really…
I stopped him with a huge hug. That was all I needed to hear. Maybe he was unaware of my true feelings but his sincere love was all I could ask. In that moment I didn't care if we was in love with me or not, all I needed was to be close to him, feeling him, and his words were exactly what I wanted to hear. I could feel his confusion, but he hugged me back anyway. When I slipped a bit away from him, he looked at me and said.
-Always surprising me.
-Touching is good, don't forget it.
-I won't, I promise.
-Also don't forget that I….
-Yes?
-I… I love you. You are just the best thing that ever happened to me.
-I love you too John – he said smiling –, I couldn't ever asked for more. So don't forget, if you need me, I'll be right there.
-Thank you – I said smiling too.
I knew his love was not the same as mine, but I smiled back anyway. For good or for bad he was the most important thing in my life, and that was all that mattered.
We went to see the other boys and we found them watching telly and laughing enthusiastically, we joined in and we spent the rest of the day watching movies and playing cards, I was feeling very happy, after all, they were my family, and the fact that I was in love with one of them wouldn't let me change any of my feelings for the rest. And for the first time, I smiled happily, feeling inside of me, that loving Paul McCartney was the most amazing thing that could have ever, ever, happened to me.