Raven sat cross-legged in the middle of her dark blue bed. She meditated, trying to push the whole thing behind her. But she just couldn't. No matter what the monks at Azarath had told her, meditation wasn't going to fix this. It was horrible to even mull over. She didn't want to think about it, yet she did want to think about it. How could someone who had been her friend, perhaps her best friend, and maybe more, just suddenly become such a…monster?

The night he had transformed into the ugliest animal he had ever become, her and her fellow Titans were at a party. It was a once-in-a-blue-moon thing at a rich friend's home. They were served alcohol, yes, seeing as they were all almost, or at least 18. And just a quick smile from Robin or Star could get you anything you wanted. So her friends and her had gotten smashed. Her, not as much, but still. Most people had retreated into private rooms in the mansion where the party had been held. Left behind were her, Beastboy, and Cyborg. Cyborg was busy chatting up a drunk brunette on the couch, which left Beastboy and herself on the other couch. Sitting very closely. Okay, they were intertwined, having a drunk make-out session. She knew then, even when she wasn't sober, that it was going to end badly, awkwardly, probably in a flood of tears, yelling, and in their case, broken possessions. But she still went for it, still kept it on. Hell, Robin wouldn't have any right to reprimand them, he and Starfire had gone into one of the private bedrooms and had been in there for a while. So who was he to question 'inter-office' relationships?

Soon, it had gotten very heated, hands groping, reaching for something that was almost there. Beastboy, or Gar, as she liked to call him affectionately, lifted her up, while managing to keep kissing her, and somehow found an empty bedroom and let her down on the bed. They continued their game of reaching, and barely touching whilst exploring each other's lips and surrounding area for a while. Then, he began to change.

The whole experience had been slow, but suddenly, her best friend sped it up all up too fast. It played out in her mind like a old black and white, crackly, and playing screechy, badly mixed music that managed to make it into a horror.

"Gar, no… Let's just…stop for a while…" She asked softly between ragged breaths.

He didn't reply, just continued to ravage her lips. Raven didn't dare let any emotion, fear, natural instinct, anything, loose, fearful that the alcohol mixed with the present situation would just end up…bloodily.

"Beastboy," She said with more authority, pushing him off, but he just crawled back onto her, " You need to stop. This is wrong. Robin…"

"Who cares what Robin says, he's in the other room with Starfire…" He said inhumanly, savagely.

"Beastboy, this needs to stop," Raven said more hysterically. He was doing things the normal Beastboy, Gar, would never do. This wasn't right, the alcohol…the lights, the faint scent of lavender on the covers, a smell she would shudder at for a long time, the loud music between the walls, the sweat, the stuffiness…

But I can't hurt him, he's not himself.

And if I do do anything, let any emotion loose…he could die. I can't hurt my friend…but…

Raven hesitated, in the moment when she could've stopped the penetration of darkness into her purity.

No…!

Raven thought, maybe even cried out, as he continued on with her worst memory yet. Having what little innocence she had taken away from her. Forcefully. By a friend.

----

Beastboy probably hadn't remembered his animosity the next morning. In fact, Raven had left the room the next morning, still aching, inside, out, everywhere. How would a friend do this to her? Her best friend? It wasn't right, and she needed time to herself, to calm down before she killed someone, at fault or not. Besides, her innocence wasn't anything to brag about, so it wasn't really such a horrible deed, was it?The answer popped into her mind before she could reason against it.

Yes, it's still a fucking horrible thing. He just fucking raped me, if you haven't noticed. It doesn't matter if you weren't the purest person in the world, he still took advantage of a defenceless female.

But I'm not defenseless…

But you were under the influence of alcohol and fear of doing something equally as horrible. He should have thought about what he had done, sober or not.

But…

Shut the fuck up for once, Timid.