A/N: Hey everyone. Thanks for taking the time to read. This is a one-shot that came to me a few weeks ago and I finally figured out what I want to do with it. Please read, review, and give some advice or ideas for future writings! I'm trying to get back into writing and all feedback is appreciated. Please check out my other story, "Breathe."
He couldn't help himself. He really tried but it was becoming unbearable. The way she looked at him. The way she talked to him. All of her subtle hints were being noticed. He made a promise to himself, though. It was never going to happen.
Harvey sighed and rubbed his hands through his hair. He knew it was becoming a problem when even Mike noticed something was wrong. Harvey didn't mean to snap at him. The poor kid had no idea what was going on in Harvey's head and he was going to do everything in his power to keep it that way.
Did she know? He had been so desperate to hide it from her he read up on body language so he wouldn't give anything away unintentionally. He even paid for the books with cash incase she started prying. Everything in the books made sense and he even practiced in the mirror to make sure he didn't look like an idiot.
After an hour of observing his own body language, he realized he was an idiot. Who practices these things? Then he remembered: no one has dealt with a woman like this before.
She was special. Sometimes, Harvey felt like the only one who saw it. It crushed him when people didn't treat her with the respect she deserved. She was strong and could handle herself but it still hurt him. No one seemed to realize how lucky they were to have even met her for a minute.
That bastard from England was the last straw. After everything he did to her, Harvey realized how much he wanted…no… needed her. He needed her in his life and there was nothing that would change that.
He sighed. He knew that it could never happen. This was a friendship he could never afford to lose.
Lost in his thoughts, he didn't realize the door to his office had opened until he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. Harvey looked up and there she was. She was the most stunning woman he had ever laid eyes on. It took everything he had not to smile at her. He didn't want to raise any flags.
"I called you like ten times over the intercom. You ok?"
"Sorry Donna. I was a little distracted with the Goldman case. What do you need?" His heart was racing so fast he thought it would burst out of his chest.
Donna just looked at him. "Whatever you say. Anyway, what did you get for his birthday?"
Harvey's eyes popped out of his head. "Shit! It's Mike's birthday! Why didn't you remind me sooner?!" He was pissed. Not at her but at himself.
"Well excuse me mister 'I will remember this don't remind me ten times about it.' I knew you would forget. I got him something from you. You just have to sign the card."
That was his Donna. She knew him too well. He laughed to himself but froze when he realized she was staring at him. "Something you want to share with the rest of the class?" She asked.
"It's nothing. Bring me the gift and I'll sign it. Call him in so I can give it to him."
Donna shook her head. "No you're going to give it to him tonight. We're all going out for drinks. Seriously Harvey we talked about this the other day. Are you sure you're ok?"
No. "Yes I'm fine. I promise. Let me finish this up so I can get there tonight. What time?"
"Nine Harvey! I will remind you AGAIN before I leave." She seemed annoyed with him. He didn't want that. He just wanted her to be happy. He wanted to hold her and make her smile and-
Woah.
"Nine. I'll be there. Promise."
At 11, Harvey finally finished everything for the case. He was exhausted. He called Ray to bring him home.
When he finally settled in, he opened his best Scotch. He had a few too many and was way passed buzzed when he heard angry knocking at the door. After a few unsuccessful attempts to stand, he made his way too the noise. It was so loud… so angry.
He opened it and saw a very pissed off Donna standing in front of him.
"Harvey! Where were you tonight?!" She was practically screaming at him. Despite how drunk he was, he could smell the alcohol on her breath. This confused him. She only drank on weekdays when it was a special occasion.
He realized his mistake. "Oh shit… Donna I'm so sorry I was-"
"I don't want to hear your excuses. Do you know how drunk I am? I was doing shots with the kid to distract him. Every time someone walked in, his eyes went to the door. The disappointment when it wasn't you was one of the most heart breaking things I've ever seen. We took a shot every time it wasn't you. Mike can't hold his liquor as well as me. I'll make fun of him for that in the morning. But damnit Harvey! What the hell happened?!"
His head was spinning. How was he going to get out of this?
"I was working until 11 then-"
"Why were you working so late?"
"The Goldman case-"
"Doesn't go to trial until next week. You didn't need to stay so late. What is really going on? I see how you've been acting. For the record, body language books are shit. They give away that you've been reading them."
"I haven't been reading-"
"Stop lying to me! Just stop! Tell me the truth!"
"Look, I promise nothing is-"
"TELL ME!"
Harvey snapped. Everything he had been trying to hold in and hide was coming up and thanks to the Scotch, there was nothing stopping it.
"I can't get you off my mind Donna. Everywhere I look, everyone I see, there you are. You are the most perfect woman, no… perfect person I have ever met. For months I have been trying to hide it. The body language books were so you wouldn't figure out what was going on. I need you more than anything and I am tired of hiding it. I just-"
Next thing he knew, Donna's lips were on his. It was passionate, desperate. He knew he should pull away but he didn't. He lifted her up and intensified the kiss. It was a sloppy, drunken mess but it was the best feeling he ever had. The warmth he felt inside told him this was the right thing to do.
"Donna… what about tomorrow?"
Donna looked him in the eyes and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. "Don't worry about tomorrow."
He smiled and carried her into the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes on the way.
The next morning, Harvey woke up feeling refreshed. He hadn't slept that well in a long time. It took him a minute to remember the night before. He reached over and felt nothing. She wasn't there.
He checked the bathroom and kitchen. She wasn't in the apartment. When he checked his phone and saw no texts, he felt discouraged.
As Harvey got ready for work, he replayed the night over and over again in his head. Was last night a mistake? No. He didn't think so. He told Donna how he felt and she felt the same. What's going to happen now? Were they going to date? Could they tell anyone at the office?
Harvey decided to get to work a few minutes early in hopes of running into Donna before everyone else got there. She wasn't at her desk. He left the coffee there and drew a heart on the cup. Was it corny? He didn't care. If anyone saw it he would tell them the girl at the coffee shop was flirting with him. He drew one on his own cup just to be safe.
When she finally got there, Harvey watched her. She walked over to her desk without looking into his office. She sat down and looked at the coffee cup with the heart on it. She stared at it for about a minute before turning to look at Harvey. He couldn't help but smile. She was perfect.
Donna looked at him and sighed. She looked at the cup and back at him and shook her head. Harvey watched her mouth "I'm sorry."
He was crushed. He didn't expect this. Harvey felt like he was going to cry. He wrote a note in the card that he got Mike and grabbed the gift. He couldn't be here today.
Luckily for Harvey, Mike was running late. He left the card and gift on his desk and headed home.
When there was a knock on the door a few hours later, he jumped to his feet and flung the door open. "Donna?!"
"Sorry Harv, just me," Mike said.
Harvey didn't hide his disappointment.
"Can I come in?"
Harvey went back to the couch and took a swig of vodka right from the bottle. He left the door open, which Mike took as an invitation to come in."
"Man, you're a mess."
"What do you want Mike?"
"I loved the gift. Thank you. It's about time I got a normal tie, right?"
Harvey just stared him down.
"Look, I'm sorry about Donna. I wish you talked to me about it. Maybe I could've helped."
"How could you help?"
"I… I don't know… I just…"
"Look Mike, if you have nothing to say just leave. I'm really not in the mood for company."
Mike looked down, took a deep breath, and began talking.
"I know what it's like to be rejected by someone you love-"
"I don't love her."
"Shut up Harvey yes you do. You've loved her since way before I got here. It just took you awhile to catch up with your feelings. Do not take this out on me. I will do what I can to help you. I am really sorry. What can I do for you?"
Harvey felt like he was going to cry but he held it back. Harvey Specter doesn't cry.
"There's nothing you can do for me now. Please, just let me be alone. I'll be back at work tomorrow." Mike nodded and left.
A few swigs later, he heard another knock at the door. Harvey sighed and opened the door. "What did you forget-"
Donna.
"Harvey. Mike called me."
He didn't know what to say. He couldn't hide how drunk he was. "Leave me alone, Donna."
"Not a chance."
"What do you want from me?!"
"Look Harvey, I'm sorry I didn't realize what last night meant for you. I thought it was a drunken hookup and we would move on like nothing happened. You do it so many times I figured you would be fine."
Harvey shook his head. "None of them were you though."
Very rarely has Donna Paulsen ever been caught off guard and this whole thing was messing her up. What was she supposed to say? She didn't want a relationship with him. She had hoped that maybe they could hookup whenever they were in the mood without anything serious but she was dead wrong.
"I care about you Harvey. I really do, but as a friend and a brother. Do you want to risk what we have?"
"Yes."
She couldn't tell him the truth about how she felt. It would crush him. She had to dance around it. "I am not willing to lose you. It won't work out with us and it'll be awkward at work and I am not letting you fire me. Harvey, I truly am sorry. We can never be together like that."
Why didn't she just kill him? It would be less painful than what she was putting him through now.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" Donna pleaded.
"No. Please just go."
Donna nodded and headed out. When he heard the door closed, he finished the bottle.
Harvey didn't know what he was going to do. How can he face her at work? Will he ever be able to be friends with her again? As the realization set in that he will probably lose her forever, he begged for help from God or the Devil or whoever was listening. He was willing to sell his soul for one more night with her. When nothing happened, he crawled into bed and prayed he wouldn't wake up.