Love is for the weak
This is dedicated to my dear friend, Flaring and her real Mr Sword. Shame I didn't incorporate Spaghetti…
"This is injustice! I could report you!" Valkyrie all but screamed at Skulduggery, trying to muster some tears to add to show him how angry she was. She jumped forward, almost out of her seat, the seatbelt straining as she reached over and poked him, square in the chest.
He frowned at her. "My dear Valkyrie, all that I'm doing is forcing you to go to school. It's completely legal. In fact it's illegal not to go. You've committed a lot of felonies." He drawled in reply, shrugging his shoulders and tugging the brim of his hat down further as he pulled up in front of her school, parking illegally on double yellow lines.
Valkyrie glanced at the school gates, just in time to see Fletcher there, wearing a school uniform and not looking at all pleased at how prim he looked. Skulduggery hummed inconspicuously and pretended to stare intently at his shiny shoes. "What the hell is Fletcher doing here?"
The Skeleton ignored her. "Shakra did well at these." He murmured, suddenly admiring them for real.
"I hate you." Valkyrie hissed, turning to give the skeleton her best death glare. It worked and he cringed beneath her look, sliding down his seat until he was cowering beneath the steering wheel.
"I had to! You need some protection, even if it is Fletcher. I won't be there to hold your hand when things get messy, Valkyrie."
"Oh, says the tough skeleton cowering under his seat from a girl!" Valkyrie growled at him and jumped out, slamming the door with a pleasantly loud bang behind her. She stormed over to where Fletcher stood, holding a hand up to stop him from saying anything
"I'm not in the mood, Renn. So keep whatever comment you have locked up in that abnormally large mouth of yours. "
"Humph."_
"So what's the plan kiddies?" Flaring asked, grabbing a chair and swinging it round back to front and then settling down. She had always wanted to do that. Valkyrie turned to her with a rather surprised face, unsure to what Crazy 2 was doing in her maths classroom.
Her head turned violently to Fletcher who was sat beside her as Druna and Shakra joined them, grinning manically. Shakra took her place under the table and Druna sat on Fletcher.
"What the hell are you crazy demented freaks doing her?" She chocked out, her head swivelling back to look from face to face.
They were all silent for a moment, not sure what to say. Either way, Valkyrie was sure to explode. She wasn't in the best mood, as she had pointed out earlier.
"Wow, what a pleasant welcoming." Shakra mumbled, popping her mp3 headphones into place and then opening a game of Chicken on her purple phone.
"Oh chicken! I want to play!" Druna and Flaring sung in harmony and joined Shakra under the table, making a grab for the phone of doom.
Fletcher and Valkyrie rolled their eyes at the same time.
"Skulduggery enrolled them here. Their school up North kicked them out for burning down the chemistry lab, building massive speakers in classroom cupboards and blaring Paramore and Fall Out Boy from them. Oh and covering the whole school in toilet roll but that's an entirely different matter. Apparently, their headmaster stole their slugs or something? Anyway, they've been coming here for a month now." Fletcher explained in a hushed voice, leaning unnecessarily close to her.
"But, Skulduggery doesn't really expect us to include them in this? In finding Sanguine's new partner? They'll just ruin it!" Valkyrie cried out, gesturing wildly.
"We're not deaf you know, kiddies." Flaring glanced up from the chicken game, having won ownership of it for one game. "Aw crap, it died."
"Speak for yourself, I'm pretty deaf." Druna said, grabbing the phone from Flaring's death grip.
Fletcher opened his mouth to speak but closed it again when the Maths teacher, a very young, handsome man with a slightly large head, entered the room and settled at his desk, quickly tapping at his computer.
His name was Mr Sword and every female in the room looked up and started to salivate as they saw him, excluding Val, Shakra and Druna. Flaring on the other hand was already beginning to drown in her spittle of lust.
It was unfortunate.
The Crazies quietly crawled their way to the desk that they all shared. All of the teachers overlooked them sharing a two person because they were extremely scared of the them. Who wasn't? They're crazy! Meow…
"New teacher, worth checking out." Valkyrie murmured more to herself than Fletcher, who was sitting in disbelief that all of the girls had turned their attention away from him to the 'fit' teacher.
"Okay, everyone, we have a new pupil in our class and I hope you make him very welcome. Someone will need to help him catch up with maths we have been doing this term but I'm sure he's already covered most of it." Mr Sword sang in his melodic voice, gesturing towards Fletcher. Valkyrie turned to him as soon as the teacher started on Algebra.
"Do you think he's magic?" She asked quietly.
"I don't know, Skulduggery's the one who's good at knowing all that." Fletcher shrugged, propping his feet up on top of the table and leaning back in his chair.
"Oh yes, let's bring a living, breathing, walking Skeleton to walk the halls! I think that's the best idea you've ever had! Even better than chopping Tanith's hair off with her sword and sticking it on drunk Ghastly's head." Valkyrie said sarcastically but stopped speaking the instance she saw Mr Sword glaring at the two of them.
"As I was saying, if x is 2 then y would equal to 6 which means-Olivia (for that's Flaring's real name) would you and Meghan (for that's Druna's real name) kindly cease throwing balls of paper at that poor boy's head. And Rowan (for that's Shakra's real name) could you please take those headphones out." Mr Sword asked, frowning. All of the girls and a boy who shall be not be named (Not Voldemort) sighed contently at his 'angry' voice.
"Yes sir." Flaring and Druna said in sync, saluting him. Shakra was too busy listening to her MP3 player and doing her Scrapy Scrapy dance, which is extremely frightening, let me tell you.
Mr Sword narrowed his eyes at the ball of paper which was stuck in a short boy's hair. He went over to the boy and ripped it out, taking a few handfuls of hair with him. Mr Sword unrolled the paper and read the words on the page, which was written in Flaring's best handwriting with a penguin drawn beside it.
"Bang me Mr Sword!" He read, blood rushing to his and Flaring's cheeks. All of the girls and boy groaned, wanting to get a hold of the blood. They weren't sparkly vampires, just desperate. Not much difference there though…
"Yes, well, I'll kindly…refuse that…invitation. Let's get back to…um…what subject am I teaching? Ah yes! English! Shakespeare was an old man who wrote about shrews…"
At the back of the classroom, Flaring got hit with a mackerel and Val and Fletcher died laughing…_
"Skulduggery, we've found him." Valkyrie spoke into the mobile phone, her voice dramatic and hushed. There was silence on the other end before Skulduggery spoke.
"Who?"
"Skulduggery!" She groaned, exchanging an eye roll with Fletcher who was leant against the cafeteria wall. Shakra threw a piece of chicken at him. "Sanguine's new partner!"
"Oh yes! Him! I knew that. So who is this mystery man?"
"His name is Mr Sword, he's the new maths teacher. He's been teaching here for a little over a month." Valkyrie replied, almost whispering. "We were hanging out at the maths block, because our RE teacher forgot to turn up for class and we saw Sanguine arrive via carpet, walk into the wall and hurry into Mr Sword's classroom."
"Ah, those religious people, always praying." Skulduggery murmured, completely missing the point.
Valkyrie hated when he did that, when we went off on a complete different topic and started to tell a complex story about a gypsy who spoke 16 different languages and tried to turn him into a crab. He had a very short attention span for someone so clever.
"Skulduggery, seriously, what are we going to do? We need to stop Sanguine's next killing spree before the Elders get involved." Valkyrie asked urgently, just as the lunch bell sounded, informing the 100 pupils that lunch was over and afternoon school had just started.
"We'll be over after school has ended and most of the teachers have left. As Sanguine has joined him today, I'm sure that he's still there but if not, try and keep his new man at school for as long as possible."
Click.
Valkyrie slipped her phone into her blazer pocket and looked around. Fletcher was sitting with the crazies and was staring at her. And then it hit her. No, not a piece of chicken, an idea.
"Hey, Crazies, I have something you need to help me with…"_
After getting changed into her normal kick ass clothes, Valkyrie shoved her school uniform into her bag and pulled out the elastic band that she used to tie up her long, black hair. It was nice to be back to 'normal' and having the knowledge that the she could send the reflection to school and she herself wouldn't have to return for a while because they were sure to defeat Mr Sword and the suave Texan.
"Are you done in there yet?" An exasperated voice called into the girls bathroom, with a sigh.
Valkyrie yanked open the door, an impatient Fletcher tumbled in and hit the ground with a loud 'Humph".
She laughed and stepped over him, hurrying down the school corridor and out the main doors to check for Skulduggery. "God, Val, you are such a girl." Fletcher said, teleporting beside her. She didn't jump. She was getting good at expecting him.
"Don't make me hit you, Fletcher. You will not like having a black eye again, trust me." She muttered, balling her fists and looking anywhere but him.
"Jeez, I was just saying."
"Well don't, you big moron."
They stood in silence for a moment or two before Skulduggery, Tanith, Ghastly and China finally joined them outside. Valkyrie was shocked to see four of them.
"What is she doing here?" Valkyrie cried, pointing a finger at China. She didn't particularly like the older woman, despite her powers to attract her. Not anymore.
China laughed. "Dear child, I am familiar with Rami Sword. I have had the fortune to have encountered him many a time. I am aware of his magnificent power so I should be here to defeat him as I am one of the people who knows him best." She sang, smiling gently at Valkyrie, who was not best pleased at being patronised but couldn't help be drawn to the woman in a motherly way.
Fletcher was just gawking like a dead fish.
After whacking the boy, Valkyrie turned to Skulduggery. "So what have you found out about him? And what's our plan of action?" she asked, shooting Fletcher nasty looks.
"Well, he can make people fall in love, therefore make them weak and easier to kill. This is why Sanguine had allied himself with him." Skulduggery paused for affect and swept his hand dramatically. "What's even more is that magical powers have no effect on him so violence is the only way to defeat him. We have too-"
"We have too slice him!" A hyper Tanith yelled happily and sheathed her sword, swinging it like a mad woman and accidentally slicing Ghastly's arm.
"Oopsy Daisy's." _
Valkyrie, Fletcher, China and Skulduggery crept along the wall which led to Mr Sword's classroom. Fletcher and Val had already teleported in front of the door and saw Sanguine and him conversing, in a serious manner. The easiest attack was an unexpected one.
"I can't believe you wouldn't let me go with Ghastly. I could've got him to Kenspeckle far quicker than Tanith." Fletcher grumbled quietly as they crawled.
Valkyrie glared at him "You're such a chicken, Fletcher. You just don't want to mess up your hair fighting." She muttered at him. "We couldn't trust you with a bleeding Ghastly anyway, you were screaming like a girl."
Before Fletcher could adamantly reply, Skulduggery came to a halt and Valkyrie crashed into him.
"Shhh!" The Skeleton scolded, holding a bony finger to his lips. He crouched beneath the window of the door and took of his hat, peering in.
Rami Sword was sitting behind his desk and Sanguine, dapper as always, sat with his back to Skulduggery on a table.
"Sword will most likely try and make us fall in love. He may go for the pairing approach, where he pairs us up equally or he may make each of us fall in love with someone else, which leads to us killing each other. Then we're in trouble. I really don't want to end up falling in love with Fletcher." Skulduggery literally gagged at the thought while Fletcher just seemed offended. "Fletcher and Valkyrie, you two stay out here until I give the signal. I'll distract Sanguine and China, you distract Sword."
The others agreed and a moment of silence continued until it was time to fight. Skulduggery stood and slowly blasted the door off, running in. China followed and from there, out of sight, Valkyrie and Fletcher watched until it was their turn to help.
Sword and Sanguine jumped up and stood together, ready to fight. Skulduggery, being the irrational one, ran at Billy Ray and knocked him to the ground. China on the other hand approached Rami calmly.
"Ah, Rami Sword. It's lovely to see you again." China spoke, her voice soothing. Sword relaxed from Skulduggery's attack on his ally and smiled at her. He took a step forward and kissed her outstretched hand, lingering for a moment longer than necessary.
She giggled and batted her eyelashes, an act to keep Rami sweet and distracted as Skulduggery rolled around on the ground with Sanguine, throwing fireballs and taking punches at the Texan.
"China Sorrows. Long time, no see." He replied, dropping her hand from his lips but keeping it in his grasp.
China narrowed her eyes at him and slowly extracted her hand from his. She knew what he was doing. He was trying to use his powers on her by their touch but it wasn't going to work on her. She grabbed the front of his well ironed shirt and growled at him, frightening even herself at such an animalistic sound. Skulduggery paused from where he was holding Sanguine to the ground,.
"Listen Sword, and listen carefully. Enough of the pleasantries. Either you leave Sanguine and rejoin the good side or we kill you. It's your choice." China sounded so unlike herself. Instead of being melodic and sweet, her voice was deep and threatening.
Rami opened his mouth to retaliate but he was cut off as Sanguine threw Skulduggery across the room, taking China with him as he went, sending them both crashing against the wall but not hard enough to knock them unconscious.
Before they could stumble onto their feet, Sword ran over to them and grabbed them both, muttering a few Latin words. Making these two beings fall in love was as simple as that.
"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery choked before becoming intensely smitten with the beautiful woman beside him.
"I knew that damn girlie would be around here somewhere." Sanguine murmured, wiping blood from his lip as Fletcher and Valkyrie charged into the room. Valkyrie instantly started throwing fireballs in every direction but they missed the two men as they ran at them.
Fletcher dodged a grab made by Sword but managed to throw a fist into his face, knocking his nose sideways and making it bleed. Blood flying everywhere, Sword made a grab for Val but she ducked and knocked his feet from beneath him, just catching sight of Sanguine holding Fletchers neck.
Valkyrie jumped on Sword's body and ran over to assist Fletcher but just as she got them, they'd already disappeared. She stood awkwardly for a moment or two, unsure of what to do now that she was left alone with a giggling China and Skulduggery, who were being very inappropriate in the corner, and an unconscious man.
Then, suddenly, Val heard a knocking sound coming the far corner of the classroom. "Uh…Hello? Anyone there?" She called, slowly approaching the corner, a fireball ready. There sat a supply cupboard she'd never seen before. It was big enough to hold a person…or three.
She closed her eyes, ready to fight and pulled open the door quickly. "Crazies?" She exclaimed as Druna, Flaring and Shakra fell out of the cupboard, all tied up and duct taped. "What are you guys doing in there?"
All three rolled their eyes and gestured to their mouths and hands that were tied up with their feet. Valkyrie laughed and preceded to free them, waiting for them to answer her question.
They thanked her and promptly replied. "Weeeeell, dear Valkyrie. Flaring followed your instructions to distract Mr Sword but it didn't to plan. Mr William Raymond Sanguine jumped out on us and we ended up there." Druna groaned, gesturing behind her to the cupboard.
"Flaring distracted him? How? And where were you two?" Valkyrie prompted, a little confused. Shakra and Druna glared at Flaring, while she looked shiftily around.
"Dear Rhythm here tried to seduce Sword." Shakra explained simply. "We hid in the corner, trying not to watch. Nothing bad happened, she just pouted and giggled at him."
"I FECKING LOVE HIM ALRIGHT?" Flaring screamed and ran out of the room with a packet of sporks. The other two followed her, leaving Valkyrie alone with the strange couple and Mr Sword again.
But that was alright because Fletcher appeared right in front of her. What wasn't alright was that he has a huge gash from the corner of his right eye down to his chin.
Valkyrie gasped and stepped forward, taking his head in her hands, making Fletcherie fans the world over squee. "Oh! Are you okay Fletcher?" She said, her voice laced with worry.
He grinned sadly. "Not particularly. Some crazy Texan just ruined my beautiful face." He replied, making Valkyrie want to hit him.
She didn't though and mentally hit herself when she started to absentmindedly stroked his face. Stopping immediately, they both stepped backwards and coughed awkwardly.
"What do we do about them and him?" Fletcher quickly asked, giving the other occupants in the room shifty eyes.
Valkyrie stood silent for a moment, pondering their choices. "We have to find out a way to separate them and take Sword somewhere. Where did you take Sang-Flaring?" She squealed suddenly, a small half ginger girl trying to shove Mr Sword into a plastic bag catching her eye. "You know what…just-just continue."
Flaring laughed maniacally and dragged the poor maths teacher out of them room. "My pretty…"
Valkyrie sighed and exchanged a knowing look with Fletcher, hurrying over to Chinduggery in the corner. "Come on you two, let's take you too Kenspeckle Junior to get this sorted out." She murmured to them, trying to separate them. Instead though, Skulduggery growled at her like a dog, making her back away.
"Leave us alone." They said together, their eyes narrowed together.
Valkyrie nodded slowly and walked backwards, unsure of what to do. "I think we should leave to themselves." Fletcher murmured and together they walked out, leaving some other unlucky fool to clean up the mess they made.
Maybe it might be a Chinduggery fan fiction writer…
Oh thank lord, I finished that! I've been writing for this about a month ;D Hopefully it's alright for you kiddies!
Signed Faithfully,
Druna Malgood.