Hi guys ! I'm back with an other translation !
I haven't read any spoilers about the next episode, Family Practice. I haven't watched the sneak peeks either, so my story could be incoherent.
Spoiler : 7x11
Disclaimers : I do not own House, MD.
Thanks to HRL for being a fantastic beta-reader !
" You just killed her."
Cuddy let out a nervous laugh and stared at the pouring rain behind the window. You just killed her. His words were echoing in her mind. She knew he was right.
" I killed my mother." she repeated. " I am going to lose my degree and my hospital because of a wrong dosage. I am going to lose Rachel because of a parricide. I am going to lose you."
" Cuddy..."
" I'd rather go losing myself." she mumbled, turning around. House grabbed her wrist before she could go away. She didn't reject him, as if she was begging him to save her.
" You're not gonna lose me."
" You can't love a woman who killed her mom."
" Look at me when you are saying this."
She didn't turn around. He gently drew her closer to him and took her shoulders.
" Why don't you trust me ? Why do you always think I'm gonna leave you alone ?"
" House, stop it, you... You're freaking me out."
He had spoken louder without paying attention. He was angry. Angry with himself because he had betrayed her so many times that she wouldn't trust him anymore. He suddenly wanted to give up : he didn't deserve her. He couldn't help her. But no ! He had to be strong ! She needed him !
They were staring at each other without saying a word. House thought he had never seen so much distress in her eyes. She was determined to pull through this and also completely lost. She had never been so affected, even when she had lost Joy.
" Why don't you hate me ?" she suddenly asked.
Her eyes misted up with tears.
" Why don't you hate me ?" she said again, hitting his chest with her tiny fists as tears were running down her cheeks. House held her, almost forcing her to unwind on him. She wasn't hurting him. After a few ' why ' sobbed, she stopped, and held House tight. House, quite disconcerted, clasped her. He knew that she was going to be okay, someday, he just had to be patient. But still, he had never seen her in such a despair.
After a while, she lifted her head up and kissed House's neck, rubbing her pelvis against his, her hands running from his shoulders to his ass.
" Cuddy, no, I don't want to... Not like this..."
" Liar." she murmured, her hand stroking his crotch. She undid his zipper, slipped her hand under his boxers and caressed his shaft, making it harden between her fingers.
House was trying to resist her, because she didn't know what she was doing. She needed help, not sex.
" Take me." she asked in a cold voice. Even if her eyes were reflecting lust, House wasn't convinced. He didn't move. Cuddy took his hand, pressed it against her cold thigh and guided it going under her skirt.
" You don't..."
" I just want you to take me."
House felt his throat tighten. He hated it when she was speaking this way. She was cold and authoritarian. It was turning his stomach.
Cuddy stepped back, sat at the edge of her desk, carrying House away with her. He wanted to persuade himself that he wasn't taking advantage of her. He was doing what she was asking him because she needed it.
He leant over to kiss her. She kept her mouth closed when his lips reached hers. Cut to the quick, House gave up. He slowly stroked her back, went down to her hips, her knees, and got back under her skirt. He wanted to make her feel how much he cared for her, but she stayed perfectly still. She wasn't even touching him. She was clung to the edge of the desk, her knuckles turning white, and wasn't staring into House's eyes. He rose her skirt, took her panties off, and gently stroked her labia.
" Usually, you don't take much time."
He couldn't wait for this to end.
He grabbed her hips and painfully penetrated her. She was barely wet. Cuddy wasn't showing any sign of pain. Yet, he knew he was hurting her. He stopped, unable to stand this. But he had to keep going. Because she wanted him to. He didn't know what was happening to her, but trying to reason her would be fruitless.
" House ?"
He compelled himself to thrust into her. Cuddy remained perfectly still. He was afraid of her.
" I can't." he said, trying to withdraw himself.
" I want you to come."
Suiting the action to the word, she caught his crotch, stroking his balls with a tenderness that contrasted with her self-destructive behaviour. He wanted to push her away, but he didn't know what the consequences would be. He didn't dare thinking about it.
She got him after a few minutes. In spite of the waves of pleasure ravaging him, he tried again to withdraw himself. Cuddy caught his hips and forced him to release his semen inside of her.
Cuddy let him pull himself together and stood up.
" I am going home. Alone." she said, insisting on the last word.
" I am not leaving you alone. I don't want you to do something stupid."
" Oh come on ! Don't tell me it would bother you. You don't give a damn."
She was turning her back to him. He could hear the tears in her voice. He wanted to help her but he couldn't. She was so weak...
" I'll sleep on the couch. I won't bother you."
" Fine." she agreed in a whisper.
Cuddy didn't say a word during their way home. She cautiously drove, as usual. She went straight to her bedroom, leaving House in the hallway. Rachel was at Marina's and the house was strangely silent.
House took his shoes off and laid down on the couch, on the look-out for the least suspicious noise. He wasn't planning to sleep tonight. And right now, he didn't care about his leg.
He had never seen Cuddy losing control. He just couldn't recognize her. He was trying to decode her behaviour to find a solution.
She had wanted to have sex in pain to punish herself. She made him come to say ' Thank you for everything you have done for me but it's over. '. An orgasm as a farewell gift.
He concluded he had to be there for her, but he also had to respect her need to be alone. It was just a tight corner, it was going to be fine.
House couldn't help thinking about what Lucas would have done. He often compared himself with the detective, but he would never tell Cuddy.
Perhaps Lucas would have taken advantage of her. Or he would have refused to have sex. House was still hesitating. Whereas he was sure that he would have left her drive home alone. And it would have been a disaster.
House could hear her opening door. He drew himself up, ready to jump. The footstep got closer to the living-room. He thought it would be wiser to pretend that he was sleeping.
" House ?" Cuddy called in a low voice. House opened his eyes. She was only wearing white panties. " I can't sleep alone. I don't want Mom to come back."
"I am usually the one who hallucinates." he said as he stood up. Cuddy smiled.
He followed her in her bedroom and they laid down under the blankets, without touching each other.
They were staring at the ceiling, their deep breaths as only soundtrack. House didn't know if he could take her in his arms. Maybe it was inappropriate.
" Forgive me." she whispered. " I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so sorry..."
" I know you are."
" I am pathetic. The only thing I can do is making you mad."
" I wasn't mad."
" Yes you were."
" Not mad at you. Mad at me because I don't deserve you. I can't protect you. I can't make you happy. I... "
" Please don't leave me !"
He looked at her and met her gaze.
" I will never leave you." he promised. A silence followed. " You're afraid of the least mistake because you think it would make you fall. But it just makes you stronger."
He deeply wanted to hold her and to promise her anything. He wanted his Cuddy back. He wanted her to be happy.
She sobbed. Almost shyly, House took her hand and kissed her knuckles. She rolled on her side and curled up against his chest.
" Hold me tight." she claimed. He cheerfully complied. " Tell me you love me."
House kissed her cheek, and she naturally craned to offer him her lips, that he tenderly kissed.
" I love you." he murmured. She heard his words, and also felt their heat falling down on her ajar mouth. She had a brief thrill.
" Never die." she said.
" I'll try."
END.
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