A/N: Hey what's up people I'm back! This is my second story on FanFiction and I'm REALLY excited, though my first story only got one review. :( It's Rolo/Rai story, please check it okay. Anyway, on to this story!

Rating: Mostly T for now, but M/NC-17 later on because of lemons.

Story Warnings: This story contains Yaoi which is BoyxBoy love, if you don't like it please do not read. This story also might contain possible M-preg, so you have been warned.

Pairings: Lelouch/Suzaku or Suzaku/Lelouch. There will be of course other parings, but you'll see the rest as the story progresses.

Story Info: This story will contain P.O.V.'s (Point of Views) meaning it will always be in first person unless indicated.

Important Info: When you see this (****CODE*GEASS****) it means a new scene or point of view and when you see this (' ') it means direct thoughts, for example 'I can't believe she really did that'.

Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass or any of it's characters.

Backtracking with Geass: Suzaku of the Rebellion

"The punishment for what you have done shall be this then...you will live on, always wearing that mask, serving as a knight for justice and truth. You will no longer live your life as Suzaku Kururugi, you shall sacrifice the ordinary pleasures of your life in benefit of the world for eternity." ~Lelouch~

Suzaku's P.O.V.

It's been 3 whole years since you've been gone; living no longer holds any meaning without you. I'm standing here in a shower in an attempt to use it to wash the multiple feelings of anguish away, but it's seems so futile I don't even no why I'm trying. After Zero's Requiem I've done my best to fulfill our contract and continue my role as Zero, but I'm losing myself, or at least what's left of me. The only thing I want to do is die, but thanks to your Geass, I can't do that either. So I'm forced to go through this life as the living dead feeling nothing, having nothing, being no more than an empty shell. I can barely talk to anyone because technically I'm already counted among the deceased. I'm isolated, unsociable I do talk to someone sometimes, but the person I do it with it's not really talking if you ask me. Nunnally, someone else important you left behind, she phones every so often. She somehow found out who I am from touching your hand before you... left us. She doesn't talk at all except a greeting or asking how I'm doing. When she calls she just weeps and weeps, even harder than I do if possible. In your place I try my best to comfort her, doing my utmost to give her encouragement and kind words, but I know anything I say always falls upon deaf ears. There's no way I could replace her precious big brother. Besides, who am I to offer advice when I'm far worst than she is. The phone call usually last for hours and hours on end, sometimes I go silent and just listen to her soft cries and sniffles until Sayoko comes on to inform me she cried herself to sleep, that's always how our conversation ends. Kallen your ex-number one knight, she too sometimes calls, just not as frequent as Nunnally. She, like Nunnally figured out Zero's Requiem which I guess was to the fact that it can only be grasped by people who truly love you. We don't say much when were chatting except the basics you know how are you, hows school, etc. Unlike Nunnally she doesn't get emotional, though I have the pleating feeling she wants too. She did however did sob once on our last phoning. She had asked me why you didn't trust her enough to tell her about your plan. I said the truth in to her the way I know you saw it.

"He did everything in his power to prevent the lose of another loved one." I told her, "Regardless of how severely him dying would hurt us all." With that she went deathly silent and I knew from her labored breathing she was fighting back the tears. I haven't talked to anyone since then which was 5 whole months ago. They haven't seized contact with me I just don't to answer the phone, I no longer have strength to do so. It's like all my energy has been sucked away and my body is trying to slowly die instead of deliberately. I hate how I'm been reduced to this, but I don't blame you. I just.. I just... 'I just can't take it anymore!'

"Dammit!" I screamed out suddenly, smashing my fist against the tile. "Dammit, dammit, dammit!" "Why the hell did you leave me here alone!" I continued, rapping my hand against the smooth surface repeatedly until I eventually sunk to my knees from exhaustion. I then lost all control of my body and started to tremble uncontrollably. Massive tears welled up in my eyes widely impairing my vision. "Why?" I said to know one, letting the tears escape the confinement of my eyes. "Why, did you have to go?"

***********************************CODE*GEASS***********************************

I don't know how long I sat there until I recollected my self well enough to move. When I finally got up out of the shower I felt stiff and sore and realized for all I know I could have been for hours. I walked over to the right side of the medium sized bathroom, despite being soaking wet and looked in the oval shaped mirror. The first thing I noticed in the reflection was my face was red and puffy, obviously from balling my eyes out. I turned the gold knob of the white sink, and when I went to splash water on my face I saw that my knuckles were raw and dripping blood. I sighed, 'I haven't been this bad since the night of his...' I shook my head dismissing that thought as soon as it started and rushed over into the toiletry cabinet. I reached on the top shelf and brought out some rubbing alcohol along with some cotton balls. I began to swipe them across my knuckles biting my tongue at the sting of the disinfecting burn. After I was finished and everything was packed away I finally dried myself with a towel and wrapped it around my slim waist, willing myself not to wet my bathroom floor anymore than it was. I trudged of into the next room which was my bedroom and plunged back first on my bed, the white towel falling off in the process. I closed my eyes for a minute then slowly looked up at the ceiling. I felt my emerald orbs become heavy and fill up, ready to overflow again. I tried my best to fight it back but to no digress. A single tear escaping my eye and rolled down my face.

"Lelouch, I miss you." I whispered aloud, that being the first time I said his name in 3 years.

"Would you like the power to see him again?" A voice sounded from my bedroom door way. My breath hitched I was completely caught of guard. I quickly sprang up and directed my eyes towards in which the voice came and in walked a girl with long lime green hair and beautiful yet bored yellow eyes. I knew exactly who it was.

A/N: Awesome, I'm finished! Please R n R! (Means Read and Review I think.)