Christmas in Joplin, Missouri. The boys got me a book that they must have stolen from a shop while I was rooting around in the esoteric shelves. Some other version of me, out there in a world where schoolteachers don't turn into demons, might have been able to raise the boys without turning them into thieves. But for us, it's a necessary evil. I try to discourage them from taking things we don't need.
Dec 25, 1993
(Sam 10 - Dean 14)
I lean against the doorframe looking at my 2 boys, both sleeping soundly on their stomachs. Dean has his arm protectively thrown over Sam's back. Sam's body snuggled up against his big brother. I feel a little pang of guilt for their current situation being that it's Christmas and all. Part of me feels like a monster and part of me feels like I'm doing all I can to keep my boys safe.
I long for a world where I know my boys are safe, one with no demons or other monsters, but we don't live in that world. We live in this one. In our world, demons kill your mom and feed their blood to babies. In our world best friends and teachers can turn into demons. In our world we must steal to survive.
That being said, we also don't draw any unnecessary attention to ourselves. We can't afford to have CPS investigate our lives. I won't lose Dean and Sam to something like that. We steal to live and to hunt not for pleasure.
While I appreciated the thought behind the book, I really did! It was something I'd enjoy and they knew it. It's just the fact that they stole it instead of asking me for the money. I would have helped if they'd have asked.
I've told them numerous times never to steal just because they wanted something. I know it sounds hypocritical but even thieves have standards. They were raised to know when it is and isn't appropriate to steal and this was an inappropriate time. The end didn't justify the means. The consequences could have been devastating.
I waited until it was almost time to call it a day, the boys were showered and in PJs, before I called them into the living room to discuss the book. I really prayed that Bobby, Caleb or Pastor Jim had bought it for them but I knew better. Call it Winchester intuition but I had the distinct feeling that I was going to have to paddle my son's before they went to bed on Christmas day.
My fears were valid. Sam distracted the cashier with questions about a book and she left the counter to show the book to Sam while Dean walked out with my present. It about broke my heart to send them to the corner as I went out to the Impala to retrieve the paddle. I took a little extra time and left the boys in the corner for 30 minutes.
Sam's puppy eyes were almost my undoing. He put on his best show as I called him out of the corner for his spanking. I had to steel my heart to be able to continue. This isn't the first spanking either of them has gotten for stealing but it being Christmas, I didn't have the heart to bare the boy. I did however spank Sammy long and hard enough so he knew I meant business.
It broke my heart when he started sobbing, apologizing and begging me not to paddle him. I told him it was almost over he was only getting 4 swats. I gave them all to him on his sit spots then sat him in my lap. He is still young enough to allow me to comfort him after a spanking. Once he calmed down, I told him I loved him and sent him up to bed.
I called Dean out of the corner. I can tell that he doesn't like it when I tell him to get over my knee but he doesn't say anything either. He is getting to the age where he thinks he is too old for this type of spanking. I accommodate him some times, but other times I feel he needs to know that I'm still the dad and he's still my son. I make the rules and he has to follow them or accept the consequences.
I didn't make Dean bare his backside either, but by the time I'm done with the hand spanking and about to grab the paddle, he knows who's in charge and that I expect my rules to be followed. Since Dean is older and it was his idea he gets double with the paddle. 4 on his sit spots and 4 on his thighs. Surprisingly, Dean's clingy after his punishment. It doesn't happen often so I hold on tightly until he decides he needs to go check on Sammy. Of course it doesn't last very long, minutes actually but I cherish every one of those minutes. I tell him I love him as he heads off to bed.
The house is really quiet. I sit in the dark with the only light coming off from the Christmas tree. I kick back in my chair and nurse my beer, feeling a little guilty but knowing it was necessary. As I look next to me, I see the book my boys wanted me to have. I turn on the light on the night stand, pick it up, and read the title. "The Phoenixian Book of Creatures" As I look through the book I think how lucky I am to have such great boys. While this book was not needed, and shouldn't have been stolen, I'm proud to have it.