Author's note: This is just a humorous one-shot between Swimhard and myself, we got goofy one day! She started it!! (Swim is the first letter, mine is the second)

Day 63 –

My Lord Nasher –

Progress on renovating the Keep is making headway. Master Veedle and his workers were a fine investment: the Keep itself has been rebuilt, along with the store and the smithy and the church. A tower for the Neverwinter Nine is being constructed as I write; I must thank Carianna for that. We may need more funds if Grobnar continues his experiments in the basement however; his construct got loose the other day and destroyed the workbenches. Again.

Alliances are progressing as well. After sending Carianna up a mountain to negotiate with fire giants and a large, red dragon, whose name I am unable to decipher from the barrage of Elvish Sand threw at me after returning, Carianna was able to secure an alliance with clan Ironfist. A rough translation from the druid reveals multiple elven curse-words in what Sand shouted at me, but I'm fairly sure that's not the dragon's name.

As for recruits for the Keep: we have Katriona, Casavir's second-in-command from his time in Old Owl Well. She keeps the Greycloaks pretty busy, they're training from dawn until dusk and are getting stronger by the day. Can't complain about that.

Carianna's second sergeant, Light of Heavens, frankly scares me. She sparred with me the other day, and truthfully, I'm not sure how I'm able to walk right now. She's good with patrols and with special missions…I'm sure she can just growl at bandits and they'd run away.

Carianna's old childhood friend Bevil is now at the Keep too. He's really very good with patrols, the only drawback being that if he sees her he turns into a bumbling idiot. Actually, that happens with many of the male Greycloaks…I must talk to her about her wardrobe choices.

That brings me to the main reason I'm writing you twice in one week: GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE. I don't care if Carianna's the Knight Captain, she and her companions drive me CRAZY! It wouldn't be so bad if they were, oh I don't know…well adjusted, but Nasher, please! I literally walked in on Carianna and that ranger Bishop (who's from Luskan, by the way) doing, doing, things on my desk that should be kept in the bedroom! AGAIN! And they broke my favorite quill and inkbottle.

It wouldn't be so bad if everyone didn't feed off of each other. Carianna and that other rogue Lana have done nothing but get into mischief since I arrived. In the last thirty days I've had my underwear strung up the flagpole, my desk defiled, a bucket of water dumped on my head (thank the ranger and the paladin for that one, I didn't know Casavir had a sense of humor), I've been thrown up on (apparently the gnome can't hold his liquor) and worst of all, Carianna seems to think it's okay to flirt with me in front of the crazy ranger! I don't want Bishop on my tail! I'm not even going to get into how my private stash of sherry ended up in the tiefling's hands.

What really scares me is now Carianna and the warlock, Ammon Jerro, are becoming close. The LAST thing I need is something to be summoned into my bed at night! Well, scratch that if it's a succubus, but you know what I mean! I don't want to even THINK about what those two, plus Bishop and Lana and now Casavir, would think up if left to their own devices.

I don't mind Sand either, but I think he knows more about what's going on here than he appears to. I think he's making a killing on his contraceptive potions, but he's not telling me anything. The dwarf and the gith aren't bad either, but the druid and the sorceress drive me nuts.

So, in conclusion: GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE, or get Lana and Carianna out of here instead! Or Bishop and Casavir, just…help!

Warmest regards, my dearest love,

Sincerely yours,

Sir Nevalle, Captain of the Neverwinter Nine