Rape Moutain Chapter 1, a yami no matsuei fanfic

Disclaimer: I in no way own Yami no Matsuei, any of it's characters or Rape Mountain... I wish I do though!

Author's Notes: Ok, I got inspired to write this story after I was talking to my friend, who loves YnM, and there she made a joke about Muraki and a place called Rape Mountain. Then I thought, 'Wow, I really could write a story about that...' and so on a day that I got sick and had to stay home, I sat at the computer and started to type the idea up. What I reallly like avbout this story is the style of how I wrote it. It was really fun typing and I hope you enjoy it too.

P.S. For why I named this story 'The Adventures of Rape Mountain', you'll find out as you read... Also Shima is an OC I made for my friend. She gave me the idea to write this so I thought it should include her too.

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The Adventures of Rape Mountain

Chapter One

Tsuzuki stirred slightly in the over-sized stain-lined bed he was sleeping in and with his 'sugar'-whores the night before. With a hefty yawn and an adorable Tsuzuki-style 'rubbing the sleepiness off your eyes before you're totally going to be molested', our favorite rapeble Shinigami looked over to the other sides our his luxury bed and noted that he wasn't the only one that slept with his 'sugar'-whores from the Rape-Fest last night over at Watari's.

Beside him, and curled up by his sides and legs, were Shima, a young (and very under-age girl who loves crack, crystal meth, ecstasy, marijuana, rocks, PCP, tobacco, and angel dust, which is her favorite) blonde hair woman who's golden wavy locks, shimmering sky-blue eyes, fair pale skin, and beauty which could only compare with her insanity. Hisoka, another under-age child who died from an incurable disease and blah, blah, blah… No one really wants to know about that whiny biz-nitch do they? Hmm, I thought as so. Yet the most attached to Tsuzuki was all our favorite rapist/doctor/weather man/rapist, Muraki. His silver hair strands felled over his glasses (which apparently he never takes off which is really weird because Muraki has had no virtual eye problems what so ever… maybe he wear them 'cuz they're cool? Yeah, 'cuz they were cool…) and he mumbled something lowly.

To one it may have sounded like this…

"Mhh… Tsuzuki… Shima… mhhh… must remember… patient waiting for appointment at 9:00 am… gotta' kill some people… mhhh… invent cure for death too…"

However, because this is being written by an shounen-ai crazed insane teenage girl for her best friend, this is really what he said:

"Mmm… Tsuzuki, no, no… get away! They're my 'sugar' whores! You have enough… No, no! Hisoka, why are you hitting me? What, you're really a pimp named Cinni' Mini? Wait, no… Everyone look out! KershaFang got a phone! Snore… zzz… What… no… no, they're my man-slaves and not yours, Tatsumi! Ah… Ah... AHHH! Edward Elric! I'm sorry, I didn't know you were Rebecca's boy-toy! I'm sorry, no, no Rebecca, not there! Not again! NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Muraki woke up in a cold sweat, screaming "My lovely lady lumps!" He then seemed to doze off and fell down into the bed and tangled himself up back in the silky blood-red stain sheets. By some random chance, despite Muraki crazed screaming, Shima and Hisoka lied still by Tsuzuki, sleeping as soundly as ever. The Angel of Death looked at the sight before him and the overall event of things that morning and said, "WTF did I do last night?"

Later…

After washing up in the shower, Shima came out of the steaming bathroom with towels loosely fitting around her waist and head. Yet she seemed peeved. It was probably because Tsuzuki used her bath water to make Instant Jell-O and won't let her eat any of it. 'Tsuzuki-kun knows that Man sex-flavored Instant Jell-o is my favorite!'

Immediately after Shima finished her thought and began devising a way for her to take over the land of PMS-ing Bitches and rule as their Bitchy Queen, she noted a faint, almost whining sound. The whining soon turned into loud ear-piercing yelps of terror.

Out of fear that her lover had accidentally got his tongue caught in the ceiling fan again, Shima ran towards the source of the girly-screams, expecting Tsuzuki to be gripping for life on the fan, but was stunned by the actual scene. Shima gasped audible at the sight before her. Muraki, gripping Hisoka by the ankles, was dangling him out the window. Shima sprinted towards Muraki, grabbing his shoulders and causing him to turn back in shock.

"What are you doing, Muraki-Bunny?" Shima choked out, her eyes swelling with tears. Muraki blinked a few times before responding with a wicked grin, "I'm sorry, Shima-Kitty, but I can't share my Tsuzuki-Puppy with another man… no matter how fine and rapeble his ass is. That's why I'm going to kill Hisoka by shoving him through this window!"

Shima stepped back, shocked by Muraki's words. He was going to kill Hisoka? Why? They all three have shared the Shinigami before with no trouble… Shima, as the young drug-addicted original character based on the authoress' best friend in school; Hisoka, as the under-age boy who every non-Muraki fan-girl wants Tsuzuki to end up with, and most importantly, Muraki, the totally insane and hot doctor who makes 'sugar' whores feel like actual members of society, throws the best rape-fest parties, and has access to many kinky toys for those lonely nights.

There has been a blissful cycle of love and molestation between the four of them so… why? Why did Muraki want to ruin it all and even possibly, plan to kill Shima next?

Shima choked on her words. The tears over-flooded and ran down rapidly from her face and they began to flood the room. As Shima waded through her teardrop sea in the kitchen, she clutched Muraki's wet coat and sobbing screamed, "Why?"

Muraki turned his face and spoke lowly, his lips moving yet no audibly sound. Shima narrowed her eyes and said, "What?"

Muraki seemed to be tapping at a spot on his coat, close to his chin. After a while, he said, "C-can you hear me now?"

Shima held a hand to her ear and said, "Barely." Muraki fumbled with the small device on his coat. "Can you hear me now?" he said very clearly. Shima sighed and said, "Yes, perfectly."

"Sorry, the tears messed up my microphone… Ok so where were we?"

Shima flipped through the script and skimmed through. "Let's see here… Tear flood, check… me sobbing on you, check… flipping through script, check… ah, ok here!"

Shima pointed to a spot on the script and Muraki nodded in agreement. He cleared his throat and the marker guy said, "Hisoka attempted Murder scene, take two!"

Muraki turned his head and spoke bluntly. "Damn Bitch! Clean out your ears! I already said why. 'Cuz I ain't going to share my Tsuzuki-man bitch with no other mo' fo's."

Shima drew back her head, her eyes dilated and really, really small cuz' in like in amines you know when the guy is like really shock his eyes like super-shrink and they are then only the size of Edward Elric? Well, not that small. No one can be that small but, but small nonetheless. She took her shaking hand and laid it on Muraki's still shoulder, he unfazed by the sudden and totally random embrace that Shima gave him.

Her small arms wrapped around Muraki's waist, Shima buried her head in Muraki's chest. He sighed heavily and propped up his own arms and returned the sign of affection as well. Shima lifted her head slightly to breathe in more air and whispered out, "Can I help?"

Muraki flashed a sadistic closed mouth smile at Shima and he went back to Hisoka, who was now drowning in the sea of tear which somehow didn't dry up or ran down the stairs cuz' like this was the fifth-floor kitchen (They need a kitchen on every floor because believe it or not, Tsuzuki's stomach is a black hole and they need as many fridges filled with pastries to calm the mighty beast that lived in Tsuzuki's stomach as they can).

He tightly grasped Hisoka's frail neck and said over to Shima, "Only if you grab his legs."

Shima smiled happily and widely. She skipped over to Hisoka's squirming body, humming a happy and simple tune while Muraki sang out stridently, "I'm bringing sexy back! And no one is going to take away my Sexy-Tsuzuki who is a male as I am. Maybe if they were a man-lady, like Envy or Sora, then I guess that would be okay… but they would not be invited to my Rape-Fests… only if they were like really hot and great lap-dancers! But this is really irrelative to both my the song I was originally singing and the whole story line… but anyways… I'm bring Sexy back!"

Shima held out Hisoka by his legs and Muraki, by his arms, and they stood poised before the window and ready to see Hisoka just spatter on the spike pit below. Why was there a spike pit? Who knows but Shima saw one in a movie and thought it was cool, so she got it.

With a slight swing with every count, Shima counted down, "1…2…3-"

Just then, noted by the two soon-to-be murderer, a womanly-gasp was heard. Muraki and Shima slowly adverted their gaze onto Tsuzuki, who stood there just shaking and covering his mouth with both hands. "Muraki… Shima… what are you- no, no… I can't believe this! No, it's not true! There are no more Cinnamon Rolls! Oh what a bitch reality is!"

Tsuzuki paced rapidly back and forward, on the walls and not, on the ceiling and cupboard, having tea the cast of Loveless and Gravitation. Tsuzuki then held his head and yelled, "I gotta' got to the Cinnipon and get more! Oh, hey Shima, Muraki, and Hisoka, who is tied up and gagged and trying to yell out for help but can't and is trying to tell me to help him, but I'm not. And now is trying to tell me I'm an idiot 'cuz I'm like totally am noticing that Hisoka's very life is in danger, but technically he can't die but this is a Fan fiction so whatever. And I'm just rambling on and on, not really caring that one of the three 'One and only' loves of my life is going to be killed by the other two. So, like bye, I'll be back by 2!"

And with that, Tsuzuki jumped into a rowboat and rowed across the lake of tears to the front door. Shima and Muraki looked at each other and blinked a few times. Finally Shima spoke up and said, "This is why I love Tsuzuki… He's complete eye candy and doesn't think. That's all men should be; Hot and stupid. Ok, on my mark Muraki-Bunny, one, two, three!"

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Ok, so that's chapter one! Does Muraki and Shima succesed in their plot to kill Hisoka? Does Hisoka die? Can he die, cuz, you know... he's like already dead? And does the Cinnipon have enough cinnamon rolls to fill Tsuzuki's desire for sweet thangs? Most likely not. But all will be answered and less in chapter two! So until then... Review please!