Sitting on a rooftop, knees against his chest, his right arm lazily sitting atop of them, Gaara no Sabaku stated blankly at the moon, or rather at the place where the moon should be. Teal eyes, itching with the need to sleep, blinked slowly, their owner too focused on his musing to even think of rubbing them.
Yes, Gaara no Sabaku had discovered a new feeling: Loneliness.
This annoyed him to no end.
Now, one would think the young redhead would be glad to get rid of the source of all his troubles, the thing that had kept him isolated from everyone ever since he was born, the demon who had been the cause of people fearing him, rejecting him, the very one who had taken over his life for years. However, the truth was a little different of what 'one' would thing: Gaara did not know what to do without Shukaku.
The demon had been with him ever since he had been born, and without him, Gaara felt oddly lost. He had been the only one Gaara had ever talked to, the only one who did not fear him. He had always been there, torturing him, playing with his mind and twisting his sanity to the verge of breaking, but he had been there nonetheless.
Gaara's eyes moved away from the sky to stare straight ahead, his mind lost elsewhere.
Even without Shukaku inhabiting his body and mind, people still shrunk away with terror every time he looked at them. It had never bothered him before, on the contrary, it had pleased him to no end, because it meant people knew who he was, it meant being acknowledged. Now it almost pained him to see the horror in their eyes, the trembling of their hands, the way cold sweat pearled their foreheads. Every single person had this reaction. Even his siblings.
Yes, his siblings. He had come to think of them as family, as opposed to the pair of idiots who always cowered before him, voicing their opinions with trembling voices. As opposed to a pair of unworthy cowards.
With a heavy sigh, Gaara ran his hand through his hair, a dull ache taking over him. It was not physical, no; it was much, much worse. He had never cared, never given it a second thought, but he had no one to talk to, no one to even be slightly comfortable in his presence, because everyone still thought of him as a monster. A self-loving monster. A bloodthirsty self-loving monster.
And they were right, weren't they? To be afraid of him? Hadn't he soaked his sand in blood? Hadn't he taken countless lives, never giving it a second thought? Hadn't he openly threatened his siblings with dead? Didn't he kill his uncle?
Gaara swallowed heavily, clenching his fists. He could see it in his mind's eye, mothers ushering their children away, powerful ninjas trembling before him, blood splattered everywhere, Yahsamaru asking him to 'please die'.
'Please die'
Clutching at the fabric above his heart, Gaara's black-rimmed eyes closed tightly, fighting such an unbearable pain. Who could have thought an emotion could bring the great Gaara no Sabaku down like this?
Another new feeling overcame the Sand Master as he climbed down and walked into his house, it grew stronger as he passed by Kankuro's door, and almost unbearable as she passed Temari's.
Fifteen minutes later, curled upon his bed, Gaara couldn't help but smirk humourlessly at the irony of his insomnia. Before he would not dare to sleep, fearing Shukaku. Now, he feared his nightmares. Either way, Gaara no Sabaku was not destined to sleep properly.
Loneliness was a curious feeling indeed.