The Parental Bet
This is just a little fic I based off episode 7 in season 5 of scrubs when Carla was looking after Dr. Cox's son. If you don't know about scrubs then just read on and see the chaos that ensues ).
Basically Tsunade is determined to prove to Jiraiya that she could make good mother. So when Sakumo needs someone to look after Kakashi for a while she volunteers. Any whoo there are no pairings just a funny little take I felt like writing. No flames please I haven't written in while this is just a little ditty to start out with.
This fic is set when the Sannins were still quite young and Sakumo was still alive. Tsunade is involved with Dan and Kakashi has been born. I don't care if the timelines cross over slightly this is spoof don't take it too seriously
I do not own Naruto and its characters or the characters in Scrubs or Scrubs as a whole.
Tsunade sat at her desk at the Konoha hospital, a small pile of paperwork lay before her but despite her best efforts over the last hour she hadn't been able to put a dent into the size of the pile. Her thoughts were elsewhere that morning, the war had eased and there was some measure of peace to be found in the country.
However the best part of it was the new man in her life: Dan. She finally felt that she had found that one true kindred spirit, someone who knew her better than she knew herself. These days she often found herself daydreaming about the future which was very unlike her. She hoped that the war would stop and eventually they'd get married, find a nice home, and maybe even have children. She closed her eyes as her thoughts trailed off to her dream home inside she pictured her future husband chasing small children and indulging in their impish games.
Her mind must have wandered quite far as she did not notice a certain white haired pervert slowly sneak up behind her, preparing for a "surprise attack".
"GUESS WHO!" Jiraiya cried
Tsunade not having sensed Jiraiya in the room toppled off her chair in surprise and landed in a disgruntled heap on the floor. She quickly stood up to face him.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"What do you mean what am I doing what were you doing?"
"Finishing case reports what else?"
"Now if you were just working you would have been able to sense me when I entered the room therefore you must have been doing something else…"
Tsunade blushed at this realisation allowing Jiraiya to reach his conclusion much more quickly.
"Oooh" he teased in a childish manner "You were fantasizing about Dan weren't you?"
"No...no I was not!" she stammered still unable to hide the fact that she was blushing
"Your lips say no but your cheeks say yes!" he added in a juvenile manner "Let me guess perfect home, little children?" he grinned smugly and added "Steamy nights?"
"It's none of your business!"
"Of course it is its research!"
"Perverted Hermit!"
"Lucky me I've stumbled in at happy hour" said a new voice
The two Sannins looked around to see another familiar face enter the room, that of Hatake Sakumo. However instead of carrying with him his usual weapons stock consisting of kunai and his well known tanto blade, he carried in his arms a small infant. His son Kakashi was relatively a quiet baby, and was dressed simply in dark blue shirt and pants. His face was not obscured by a mask (as of yet) and gave hints as to what his father's face may look like having inherited his unique grey hair. Unaware of these new surroundings he hugged his father closely as he walked towards Tsunade and Jiraiya.
"Hey Sakumo!" Jiraiya said "And little Kakashi" he added whilst looking at the small child "Why are you guys here?"
"I need you to cover mission for me, it's a simple scout to check the east perimeter defences"
"I can but that area is your speciality isn't it? Why can't you do it?"
"Kaori (his wife, I know I made her up) is out on a mission for the day. They only just asked me but I have to take care of Kakashi"
"Well I guess I co-"suddenly an idea sprung into his head "I have new proposition for you"
"What?" asked Sakumo a little alarmed as the welfare of his son could depend on this proposition.
"Tsunade could take care of Kakashi and you and I could go together. It's been a while since I've been on a scout with you it'll be fun"
Tsunade who had gone back to "trying" to finish the case reports pricked up her ears to this idea
"I'm not looking after him I have work to do" she replied
"Come on Tsunade" Jiraiya continued "This could be your chance to see whether you have what it takes to be an actual mother. You know when your babies aren't fictional"
"No"
"Chicken?"
"Jiraiya its no-"
"Cluck Cluck Cluck" (In a chicken way)
"Jiraiya I-"
"CLUCK! CLUCK!"
"Alright! I'll do it but if I do it for the whole day you have to do my paperwork for week!"
"Providing he's not injured"
"Deal"
They bother proceeded to shake hands
"Uh Guys?" Sakumo interjected "I'm not sure whether I should leave my son with you on the basis of a bet"
"Sakumo" Tsunade started "I delivered him I think I can look after him for one day"
Sakumo sighed. It would be lot quicker if I check the defences myself and it has been a while since I spent time with Jiraiya.
"Alright" he agreed as he handed Kakashi to Tsunade
"Here take this" he added while giving her a small slip of paper "My wife wrote it out for me you know when he eats when he sleeps that sort of thing"
He then bent a little lower added to his son "Alright I'll see you in while don't cause any trouble okay?" To which he received a small smile from the child. Sakumo and Jiraiya then left leaving Tsunade alone with Kakashi.
"So it's just you and me huh?" she asked but received no reply
It's one day how bad can it be?
Tsunade walked down the hall of the hospital carrying in one arm a small stack of files which still needed reviewing and in the other a fidgeting infant getting tired of the fact neither one of his parents were near him. Tsunade was desperate to talk to someone, anyone of the fear that has been growing her mind. She truly did not like kids and that sacred her because if she did get married to Dan (which she hoped for) what would she say when he wanted to start a family. Walking close by a work station she saw Minato (future 4th Hokage) discussing something with Orochimaru the Snake Sannin.
"Finally Minato I need to talk to someone. Anyone even if its you"
"I'm so touched for your reasons for picking me" he replied dryly
"Orochimaru here hold this for a minute" she said handing Kakashi to Orochimaru and proceeding to walk down the hall with Minato.
"Tsunade wait! How do I-" Orochimaru started but didn't see the point in finishing as Tsunade was well out of earshot. He looked down somewhat terrified at Kakashi who like him was equally scared.
Meanwhile following Tsunade and Minato walking towards the entrance
"Minato I've just reached a realization…I don't like kids"
"Didn't you have a little brother"
"No I mean little kids like toddlers. I despise them"
"What are you talking about you're the most maternal person I know"
"I'm a medical Ninja I'm trained to fake it"
"You don't have to have baby you know its your choice"
"Yeah but what if-"
"Tsunade?"
Tsunade looked over to the entrance to see Sakumo and Jiraiya entering the hospital.
"Oh you guys are back earlier than I expected"
"Yeah there was nothing really to check. Everything was secure" Sakumo replied "So where's Kakashi?"
Tsunade's eyes widened at her realisation of where she had left Kakashi. Sakumo sighed thinking it would be long day. While Jiraiya grinned smugly from behind Sakumo.
Sakumo and Tsunade were walking towards the work station where Tsunade had seen Orochimaru.
"So let me get this right. You left my only son with man who wields considerable power and pays no attention to social etiquette?"
"The difference with you being?"
"I have grey hair" he added indignantly
Sure enough at the same work station Orochimaru stood at the counter looking over a few documents.
"Oh Tsunade you're back" he said in an unamused tone
"Orochimaru you know how earlier I sort of gave you something"
"You mean Kakashi? He's out on the ledge playing with the birds"
"WHAT?"
"Where is he really?" Sakumo quickly cut in hoping to avoid confrontation
"Relax Tsunade he's right here" he moved aside to show sitting a little farther on the counter a very happy and a very green baby. Sakumo proceeded to pick up his son and walk towards a small washroom while Orochimaru explained to a baffled Tsunade how Kakashi had decided to play with the Stamp seal ink.
After hearing the full account of what happened Tsunade walked into the small washroom to see Sakumo cleaning his son. Kakashi was dressed in simple hospital robe while his father used a damp towel to clean the ink off of his body. Sakumo's own Jounin vest lay on at table across the room so it did not get in the way (babies love to tug on things).
"Sakumo I'm so-"
"It's alright Tsunade accidents happen"
"Why aren't you freaking out your kid's all green and slimy?"
"As opposed to…" he remarked playfully
"Sakumo"
"So he's green don't beat yourself up. So far on my watch he's gotten stitches, cut his own hair and tried to use a kunai as pacifier" and then added to the infant in a childish voice "that's why I carry band aids everywhere now"
"You don't understand I didn't dump him on Orochimaru because I was busy I dumped him because he was working my last nerve and I wanted to smoosh his face.
Sakumo remained quiet for moment before beginning
"Tsunade look at me and Kaori you know how we hate Genin?"
"Yes" she said with a smirk
"Well that goes double for little children. It's true they're loud, they're messy and you can't understand most of the time. They're like tiny little feudal lords."
Tsunade smiled at the last comment as Sakumo picked up a now clean Kakashi.
"But trust me when you do have your own kid you wont feel that way"
"Oh yeah? What will be different?"
Sakumo smiled as Kakashi put his arms around his neck and placed his cheek against his in a form of being affectionate.
"Because" he started "Its yours"
And nothing more needed to be said.
On a side not as Kakashi was not hurt Jiraiya was stuck doing paperwork for week.