(A/N): Yo so I'm like, super bored this summer and I wanna get some laughs out of something so I'm going to post a little ficlit that I typed up a year ago. So the premise of the fic is basically that seven mary sues get plopped in the Narutoverse and start wreaking havoc, so Alice from Alice in Wonderland also gets sucked in to balance everything out. Of course, as one could imagine, this is not a serious fanfiction. It is crack. It is not supposed to be quality literature. It's here to give you a good laugh.
I should mention that the seven sues in this fanfic are actually a parody of my first-ever attempt at fanfiction back in the dark ages 7th grade and are not based off of anyone else's characters.
At the moment, I'm too lazy to go through and fix all the errors and I probably won't unless a lot of people want me to. A lot of people being like, 5 probably, because I'm lame like that. That being said, including the prologue, there are 10 chapters, and as with the editing, I won't be continuing this unless people want me to.
Also, if anyone is wondering why this isn't going to be labeled as a crossover, it's because there isn't really a lot about Alice before going to the Narutoverse, and well, I think you'll understand if you read it.
Prologue
A girl with waist-length, sleek, glossy raven-colored hair rapped her fingers on the mahogany table as she checked her phone for the umpteenth time in the past five minutes. No new text messages. The screen turned off after a minute or so and she stared back at her large, emerald eyes. Her friends should be here any minute…Except Etsu, who was always late.
The raven-haired girl, Leiko, was impatient. Her parents were still at work, leaving her home alone. She was just about to text her virtual twin, Misao, when the doorbell rang. Having quick reflexes, Leiko had sprung up before the final echoes of the bell had died away and was dashing to the large front doors of her grand house.
After tugging one of the heavy, oaken doors ajar, Leiko grimaced. It was blazing hot and oppressively humid outside.
"Leiko!" A girl who was almost identical to Leiko in height and build screamed as she threw her arms around Leiko and glomped her.
"Misao-" Leiko pushed the girl off after a few seconds. "Geez, get inside before the heat like, kills me!" She frowned and shoved the door shut behind Misao after she stepped inside.
Unlike Leiko, Misao had soft, chocolate-brown hair and warm, mocha-colored eyes.
Misao only giggled in response and threw her overnight bag against the nearby staircase. "Ahhhh~ the air conditioning feels sooo good!" Misao threw her hands in the air and twirled around, grinning.
"Yeah whatever," Leiko rolled her eyes. "Let's go make snacks while we wait for everyone else."
The two girls walked away in the direction of the kitchen, recounting to each other their day at school. Another thirty minutes later, four other girls had shown up. Of course, they were still waiting on Etsu. The scent of fresh chocolate chip cookies flavored the air and quiet chatter echoed softly around the spacious kitchen.
"Mmm! Leiko! These cookies are amazing!" A girl with amethyst eyes and a supple, caramel-colored bob praised.
Leiko flashed a bright grin. "Thanks Katsu!"
"Yeah, you make like, the best cookies!" Another girl with naturally gradient electric-blue hair gave Leiko a thumbs-up.
"Oh! Seka," Leiko addressed the girl with blue hair. "Is that one girl still making fun of your hair?"
"Yeah, but one of these days, I'll show her!" Seka spat and balled her fists. "She better hope she doesn't meet me outside of school!"
Everywhere she went, Seka got bullied because of her hair. For some reason, she had been born with blue hair that was dark at the bottom and bright at the top. When she was younger, her parents had taken her to many doctors and specialists to find out why, but nobody could figure it out. Another one of the girls had the same problem. Akahana had naturally blood red hair and eyes to match, but people didn't bully her as much because they thought she was scary. Naturally, they quickly bonded over their abnormalities.
"I think Etsu is here." A girl with whitish-blonde hair, large, obsidian eyes, and glasses piped up as she heard a car door slam.
Misao burst into a fit of giggles. "Ohmigosh! Shizuko! I totally forgot you were here!"
The blonde girl, Shizuko blushed with embarrassment and gave an awkward smile. Shizuko was by far the quietest of the group- even quieter than Akahana. Despite her shy nature, Shizuko was extremely smart, already a certified genius at the ripe old age of eight.
"Well it's about time she get here." Leiko laughed wryly while heading out of the room to get the door.
Leiko shortly returned with Etsu, a short girl with perfect golden curls and bright, ocean-blue eyes, in tow. "Alright! We should like, go to my room now! Someone grab the cookies!" Leiko announced and motioned for her friends to follow her and Etsu out of the room.
After grabbing their belongings, the girls headed upstairs to Leiko's room. Once there, they situated themselves on plush beanbags, comfortable arm chairs, or the giant, queen-sized bed draped in expensive, plush blankets. Leiko's room was by far big enough to comfortably house all seven girls.
However, unlike most sleepovers of girls their age, they were not engaged in a pillow fight or playing with dolls. They were playing anime-related video games and reading inappropriate fanfiction. After darkness had long since fallen, distant rumbles of thunder signaled the coming of a storm.
Upon hearing the thunder, Katsu snorted from her slouched position in a bean bag in front of the TV. "With any luck that storm will finally put an end to all this humidity."
"Knowing our luck, it'll completely miss us." Etsu retorted, true to her usual cynical self.
"Well don't jinx us." Seka rolled her eyes and commented wryly in response.
They too were also slouched in giant, plush beanbags around the TV and awaiting their turn at the game controllers.
"Guys, I'm like, bored." Leiko announced, abruptly pausing the game on the TV. "We should just watch the new episode now."
Misao, who had been playing against Leiko, pouted in protest. "But we were in the middle of a fight! Let's finish first."
"No. I'm bored. I want to do something else." Leiko shook her head and turned off the Xbox.
Misao frowned bitterly, but didn't protest any further. She didn't feel like arguing with Leiko.
"But first, we need popcorn! Someone go make some or something!" Leiko suggested as she flopped down on her own bed, not wanting to make the popcorn herself, despite the fact she was the host of the sleepover.
Shizuko stood up. "I could get it," she offered.
A couple of the girls snickered.
"No way, it'll be all gone by the time you brought the bowl up." Etsu laughed, poking fun at Shizuko.
Shizuko chewed her lip Shizuko had the tendency to eat anything within reach. Her friends called her Chouji sometimes because of her eating habits. Unlike Chouji though, she never gained a pound no matter what or how much she ate. None of the girls did, for that matter. It was obvious that all seven of them would have the bodies of models when they got older.
"I'll get it!" Katsu leapt up enthusiastically and darted out of the room before anyone could protest.
Katsu was a horrible cook. If anyone could find a way to burn water, it would be her.
Etsu sighed and flopped her head back. "Looks like we're gonna have burnt popcorn…"
"Hey where's the remote?" Leiko asked, scanning the room for it.
"Over here," Akahana answered as she tossed the remote to Leiko, who caught it skillfully.
Just after Leiko got the new episode ready to play, Katsu skipped into the room with a big, pink bowl filled to the top with slightly blackened popcorn. The bitter stench was anything but appetizing, but nonetheless, the girls still dug their hands into the bowl and popped the fluffy kernels into their mouths.
Leiko un-paused the TV and the opening theme of Naruto greeted their ears. Eagerly they stared with wide eyes. The new episode was always the climax of their sleepovers. It would usually keep them up even after they turned lights off, as they would fall into deep discussion over what they thought might happen next.
Soon however, the once-distant thunder was just outside the window. It was accompanied by hissing sheets of rain that noisily beat against the side of Leiko's house, threatening to drown out the TV.
"Whether they get rid of the humidity or not, I hate thunderstorms! I can't hear anything!" Leiko complained as she groped around in the relative darkness for the elusive remote.
Once she had the remote in her hand, she furiously stabbed at the volume button with a slender pointer finger to turn the TV up. Tossing the remote aside, she dove her hand into the popcorn bowl beside her. Instead of meeting soft popcorn, she stubbed her fingers on hard, un-popped kernels.
Silently cursing, Leiko shook her hand out. "Guys, we're out of popcorn. Someone like, make more." Leiko paused the TV in the middle of an intense fight scene and demanded. "And not you, Katsu. You'll just burn it again."
Katsu's eye roll went unseen in the darkness as Akahana got up and fetched the bowl off of Leiko's bed before heading out of the room. Leiko rolled onto her back and stared out the window. Lightning flashed in quick succession outside, and illuminated the room like a strobe light; it was quickly followed by an intense rumble of thunder that shook the window panes in their sills.
By now, the dark and the absence of conversation had finally allowed the girls to become drowsy. Even though the TV was paused, no one moved to make conversation. Soon enough however, Akahana returned with the popcorn-filled bowl and set it down beside Leiko. Immediately the girls flocked to the bowl and took good-sized handfuls back to wherever they were sitting. As soon as everyone was re-situated, Leiko un-paused the TV.
Simultaneously, the brightest flash of lightning yet seemed to strike just outside the window, as it was immediately followed by a powerful blast of thunder that shook Leiko's vacation trinkets right off their shelves.
SNAP!
The TV gave an eye-searing flash before giving out and going dark. Just as suddenly as they were plunged into darkness, the storm outside was gone. In fact, they couldn't hear anything, not even themselves. They couldn't feel the room around them, and the air grew piercingly cold as it began to whip past their faces. None of them could find the breath to call out to one another. Quickly, the darkness overtook their senses and they fell unconscious in the strange, empty abyss.
When they finally began to come too, they were in an environment completely different from Leiko's room. Surrounding them was a vast expanse of soft, golden sand dunes. The horizon rippled with heat in the distance as the unrelenting sun beat down on them.
"Guys, where are we?" Katsu asked, sitting up and shaking sand from her supple, caramel-colored bob.
Etsu snorted and replied without getting up. "As if one of us would actually know that."
"Yeah, why would we know?" Leiko agreed, hastily dusting grit out of her pajamas.
Shizuko keenly scanned their surroundings. "We must not have been here for very long, or we'd have sunburns."
"You're right," Akahana agreed, staring at her paler-than-porclain arms.
Misao sat up and stretched. "Maybe it's like, the Sahara Desert or something?"
"Why on Earth would we be in the Sahara Desert?" Etsu snapped back, finally sitting up.
Misao shrugged. "Just wonderin'."
"I think I might have an idea," Seka piped up. "Maybe we're in the Narutoverse, in the Land of Wind or something. It totally makes sense; we were watching Naruto when the power went out. It's just like a fanfiction!"
"Hey~ that would totally make sense!" Misao agreed.
The rest of the girls nodded their heads in agreement, even though the Sahara Desert was in fact a more realistic answer. The Sahara Desert at least, was real. However, they were convinced that they were in the Land of Wind. Even Shizuko. Simultaneously they scanned the fuzzy horizon for the monolithic walls of Sunagakure, or anything that might have told them where they were.
"I don't see anything." Leiko concluded after a minute of searching and sighed in resignation.
Suddenly, despite the blazing heat, the girls felt a chill run down their spines that made them fall silent.
Akahana's voice broke the silence. "Orochimaru." She spat the name out.
The other six girls turned around to see that the powerful villain was standing behind them, flanked on his left by Kabuto. Kabuto technically wasn't supposed to be there, but it was a technicality that the girls overlooked due to their current peril.
Orochimaru also overlooked the fact that the girls recognized him and knew his name, as he was too shocked from the fact that he could sense no chakra signatures in them. Already his mind was reeling with ideas for experiments he could perform on them.
"Look what we have here!" Orochimaru crowed as he circled the cluster of girls. "You're not from around here…are you?"
The girls remained silent, so he continued. "No, need to answer; I know you're not. Kabuto, you know what to do."
Kabuto responded with a curt nod and approached Leiko, who was the closest to him. Fight or flight instincts kicking in, Leiko tried to get up and run. Kabuto simply grabbed the hem of her tank top and shoved her to the ground, where he tied chakra ropes around her wrists.
"Ouch! These burn!" Leiko tugged at the chakra-infused rope around her wrists as her skin began to turn red upon contact.
Orochimaru diverted his attention to Leiko as Kabuto tied up the others and muttered something under his breath. A strange light grew in Orochimaru's eyes and the corners of his mouth twitched up, making Leiko feel like a bug under a microscope. As he gazed upon his find, Orochimaru's mouth stretched into his trademark grin. Such an amazing find! He'd have fun with them!
(A/N): Alright! Onto chapter one, I suppose. If you want to see more for whatever reason, be sure to follow and review!