Divided Loyalties
Summary: Jaina is loyal to her family, to the Jedi Order and to the GA, in this order. Jag is loyal to the Galactic Empire and to honor, duty and self-sacrifice. One of them will have to compromise – and it won't be Jag. OneShot.
Warning: Contains spoilers for Fate of the Jedi – Abyss and earlier novels
Set: During said novel
Disclaimer: Standards apply.
There is something to the thin band of gold around her left index finger that makes Jaina steal glances at it again and again.
It's not heavier than it is supposed to be. In fact, she barely feels it it is so thin. Maybe that is why she has to look at it again and again otherwise the events of the last days will turn out to be no more than a dream.
Her room in the Jedi temple is still the same.
The desk, the small table, the carpet and the armchair at the window. The shelf with a few possessions of hers, a holo picture frame, a few mechanical components she plays around with when bored. It's still her room and she somewhat resents it for being that perfectly normal. Of not having changed, because change has taken place and how can this place that is her shelter and her sanctuary, not have changed with her?
She pushes aside the thoughts as her comlink gives a chirping noise. Suddenly, her heartbeat is loud in her ears. Hasty in anticipation, she reaches for it and thumbs it on, expecting to hear the voice that sounds so familiar to her now.
"Solo."
"Jaina."
The happiness she has been feeling seconds before subsides, leaves her like a stream warm air leaves a room through the next window to leave behind a moist, unpleasantly cold room. There is something in his voice she cannot properly define. But it is his I'm so sorry but I can't meet you as promised voice.
"I have an emergency meeting with the moffs today. I'm sorry, but I can't take you out this evening."
"Oh. Okay."
What is she supposed to say? That she doesn't care what the moffs think but that she is his fiancée? That he should drop everything and fly over, as promised, to take her out? That she doesn't understand?
"We'll find another day, okay?"
Wow. They're not even married yet and yet she feels like bitching at him like a jealous wife. But there's no use for it and she would never do it, anyway. So she tries to hide the disappointment she feels and tries to sound cheery.
"Okay, so today I'm going to beat up someone else instead of you, Head of State Fel."
He chuckles, a warm sound that makes her almost forget that he has just dumped her for their date.
"I consider myself a happy man. I'm going to keep my dignity for another 30 standard hours."
"You better."
A few standard phrases and they switch off the comlinks and Jaina leans back in her chair and sighs. So, obviously, she doesn't have to worry about Javis Tyrr and his journalist crew today. She doesn't have to wonder what kind of dress to wear or how to leave the temple without being seen by her parents. But still, she would have happily taken up all of it if that had meant she would be able to see Jag.
Uhrg.
She growled at her reflection in the duraplast windows. She didn't want to sound gushy, gushiness wasn't Jaina Solo. If Jag reduced her to such kind of annoying woman, she should probably reconsider his proposal… Grinning to herself, she lifted her hand to her face and looked at the ring once again. No, she wouldn't reconsider, and she wouldn't apologize for her decision. It had been the right answer, the yes, so much simpler than she had ever thought it would be. And now she was engaged.
"Okay, Mum. What's the problem?"
"There is none, Jaina."
"Then why are you looking at me like you want to say something but are holding back?"
Leia Organa Solo sighed and directed her gaze back to her daughter. Jaina was staring at her intensely, her eyes not once leaving her face. There was neither hostility nor weariness in her Force aura but Leia knew Jaina knew there was a problem and Jaina knew Leia knew the emotions radiating from her were born from the desperation to finally get over with it.
Brushing back a silver strand of hair, the older woman turned to face her daughter directly.
"Are you sure about what you are going to do?"
Something flashed in Jaina's eyes.
"Are you asking me whether I'm sure I want to marry Jag or not?"
"No." Leia shook her head. "You know that's not what I mean. We're happy for the two of you, we really are. Well, I am, and your Dad will come around soon. But are you really sure this will work out?"
"Why shouldn't it?"
"Because…" Leia hesitated. Then, she sighed again and closed her eyes for a few seconds. When she opened them again, there was resolve in them.
"Jaina. It's not about how much you love him and how much he loves you. It's not about what you want to be true. It's about your lives and how you will be able to live together. Your father and I… Well, we had our difficulties, but at least we were on the same sides. Do you understand?"
"I'm glad you don't want to elaborate on our feelings for each other," Jaina answered stiffly. She loved her mother and didn't want to hurt her. But hearing her talk about Jag like that triggered every stubborn instinct she possessed. She didn't want to hear anyone – anyone! – bad-mouting him. "And may I remind you – we are on the same side, as you called it."
Leia shook her head in sorrow. "No, Jaina, you are not. Jag is the Head of the Galactic Empire and currently in negotiations with the Galactic Alliance. And the GA is at war with us – with the Jedi. You are not on the same sides, whatever you believe."
"Jag would never – he wouldn't side with the GA against us!" Jaina protested.
"Jaina," her mother began calmly. "Jag's loyalty lies within the Imperial Remnant – no, the Galactic Empire. He is loyal to his new state and to his beliefs of honor, duty and self-sacrifice" – she snorted, sounding astoundingly like her husband – "And whatever you want to believe, this is not going to change quickly. It's the way he is. I don't know where your loyalties lie, but I do hope you know where they are."
Jaina kept silent.
She knew where her loyalties laid – she was loyal to her family, including the little Skywalker branch that was on its way through the time and space to track down Jacen's journeys more accurately. Jaina was loyal to her friends and to the Jedi Order as well as to her fellow Jedi Knights. And, in a way, she was loyal to the Galactic Alliance, as well. Her loyalties were not unknown to her and she honored them. Exactly in this order.
She could see where her mother was going: There was absolutely no common goal between Jag and her. Except the fact that she loved him – but that was incredibly cheesy and cliché and she would never have used it in an argument.
Her mother interpreted her silence correctly.
"You see? Jaina, in a marriage, both partners have to compromise, both or at least one of them. And frankly, I cannot see Jag giving up anything of his life right now in order to make it easier for the two of you. You'll have to be the one who always has to give up something, who has to shift your loyalties… Are you ready to do so?"
Still very silent, Jaina shook her head.
"No, Mum. I know you mean well, and thank you. But you're wrong in one point. Yes, in a relationship everybody has to give up something. But whenever you give up one thing, you gain something else. And the more you sacrifice, the more you gain."
Leia sucked in her breath sharply.
"Jaina, if you're thinking of…"
Jaina made a impatient gesture. "Thinking about what? About leaving the Jedi? Abandoning the Order? Leaving you and going to live on Bastion?"
Suddenly, her voice sounded miserable. "Mum, believe me, I've thought of it quite a lot. I can counter every argument you're trying to use because I've gone over them more than enough already. No. I'm not leaving the Order, I'm not leaving you and Dad for a while. But I'm also not letting you run my life."
Silence fell upon them and for a second, Leia wished Mara still was alive. She had always been able to talk to Jaina, and Jaina had always talked to her aunt. But Leia wasn't Mara, and…
… And she wasn't Jaina, either.
And whatever she was, it was not in her place to decide.
Leia reached out and took her daughter's hand. Squeezing it lovingly, she sighed and smiled.
"Just remember what I've said, Jaina. And remember what has made you listen so patiently. Because it is what binds you to him, isn't it?"
Jaina smiled and returned the squeeze.
"If I knew what connected me to him I probably would have had it cut years ago."
"Same with your Dad and me," her mother answered, grinning equally wide. "Those pilots are like the pest: They come back to haunt you if you don't take them in immediately."
"Tell me about it," Jaina mumbled and thought about the last ten years Jag and her had spent either hurting or loving each other. Or both at the same time. "Winter once phrased it correctly. To crazy women and to the pilots who pursue them."
"Winter always had a knack with words." Leia smiled and lifted herself from the chair. Walking in direction of the door, she turned back one last time.
"By the way, don't tell your father I didn't try to talk you out of this, won't you? He expects me to come back with a formal draft of your cancellation, not your resolve."
Jaina chuckled.
"Hand him the wedding invites, instead."
"You want him to suffer a stroke?"
"As you said, my loyalty lies within my family. It's my duty and honor as the only daughter of the family to cause my father strokes on a regular basis."