A/N: Hello all! While my angsty side is away, my horny/fluff/crack side will play! Tale of Two Nobodies is still on hiatus, but here's some fluff for you to enjoy! This was written at a sleepover with my good friend Ashley (Digital-Dragon-Master).

Ashley: Yeah, this was born from another sleepover. And yeah, we really are this horny sometimes.

Both: Not for the clean-minded.

Disclaimer: The Kingdom Hearts cast is very relieved that we do not own them or their hormones. Things would be much different if we did… ;wink; We also do not own various characters from Final Fantasy X-2 or Fruits Basket.

SORA AND KAIRI- MARITAL PROBLEMS!

Such a wonderfully peaceful day on Destiny Islands. Well, for most of the inhabitants, that is. Sora and Kairi, finally married and with a three-year-old daughter to boot, are having … some rocky times. Now where do we begin?

"HE'S A SON OF A BITCH!"

Now, let's back up a little bit. Our favorite couple was in counseling at the worlds renowned Final Fantasy Marital Counseling Center™ . Yes, apparently, they have great need for this center, though no one would ever be able to guess why. They were in the officer of Dr. Meyvn Nooj, the best of the best.

"Now, Kairi," Nooj said gently, "Would you like to start?"

"Yes." Kairi replied in a firm-calm voice. "Yes I would."

"All right," Dr. Nooj pushed his glasses up on his face. "Any comments before you begin?"

"HE'S A SON OF A BITCH!" Ah, here we are!

"Hey!" Sora cried in shock. "What did I do?!"

Kairi crossed her arms. "Hmph! Lately he's been so … different! All he does is run off and adventure! He doesn't spend time with me and little Kisa!" She was, of course, referring to their adorable daughter, and the name was, in no way, an homage to Fruits Basket, the best manga ever. My, how are we are going off track!

"Hey! I haven't adventured in ten frickin' years, Kairi! Ten!" Sora cried.

"A-alright, calm down! Let's be civil!" Dr. Nooj sputtered. He wasn't meant for this job… "Now, when did you start noticing this behavior?" he asked Kairi.

"It all started back when we were 15 and he came home from his first adventure." Kairi began. "He practically cuddled with the duck, and what do I get? A HANDSHAKE! A frickin' HANDSHAKE!"

"Hey!" Sora protested. "Now, wait just a minu-"

"Now, now, Sora," Dr. Nooj lightly chastised. "It's Kairi's turn to vent. What else, Kairi?"

"He always spends all his time with Riku!" she whined, clearly enjoying this.

"That's just training!" Sora exclaimed. "What would happen if the Heartless come and try to kill everyone again?"

Kairi knew he was right, but still… "EXCUSES, EXCUSES! AND WHAT ABOUT NAMINÉ?! WE PROMISED WE'D SPEND EVERYDAY TOGETHER, AND I HARDLY SEE YOU NOW! SHE SPENDS ALL HER TIME CRYING IN MY HEAD, YELLING ABOUT HOW 'SORA'S A DIRTY LIAR'!"

Inside the depth of Kairi's light, fluffy mind, a still-fifteen-in-appearance Naminé frowned as she her Other's voice. "Excuse me!" She thought to herself. "Who's the 'dirty little liar'? I never said that!" She half grinned. "Besides, I get to see Roxas all the time! Wink."

In the outside world, Sora protested against Kairi's claims. "Now, that's just not right!"

And, in Sora's Keyblade-infested brain that Roxas called home, the said Nobody was shaking his head. "Damn straight!" he thought to himself. "Naminé and I spend every night together!" At this, he grinned and waggled his eyebrows to no one in particular.

Dr. Nooj, who was blissfully clueless to the Nobodies' existence, looked at the couple nervously. "Erm…maybe…maybe you two need more help than I can offer…"

Five minutes later, the two (or technically four) were walking away from the office, still bickering.

"Everything's always about 'you, you, you'! Well, I need some space sometimes, you know?!" Sora yelled, throwing his hands up in the air.

"You have too much!" Kairi shot back viciously.

Dr. Nooj watched them and shook his head. "True love," he sighed.

Kairi and Sora left the house for the FFMCC™, both feeling oddly tired and cranky. "We need a new goddamn couch." Sora grumbled. "The springs keep on digging into my back. Makes getting to sleep a real pain."

"Well, you know what?" Kairi said smoothly. "Why don't you ask your adventuring buddies to buy you a new one?"

"Or, maybe, you'll let me sleep in my own bed for once!"

Kairi was not able to give a rebuttal, for they had arrived at the FFMCC™. They were directed to the office of Dr. Baralai, the second best counselor in the business (though if you ask him, he's much better than that stupid 'Noojie-Woojie' could ever be (Nooj: GOD, WOULD YOU FRICKIN' STOP WITH THAT STUPID NICKNAME!)).

They were well into the session and weren't having any better luck.

Kairi was trying to get Naminé on her side. "Come on, Naminé! Back me up this time! Sora and I need to be together so that you and Roxas can spend time together!"

"W-well… Ummm…" Naminé stuttered. It should be noted that she is still inside Kairi's head.

Kairi softened. "Aww, I'm sorry, Naminé. … Are you and Roxas going through rocky times, too?" she said sympathetically.

"No, no!" she said, too fast. "We're fine! … Better than fine!...actually." She let out an awkward giggle.

Kairi looked confused. "Then why…?"

Naminé looked embarrassed. "Well, you know how sometimes you tell a little white lie…?"

"Oh, Naminé…" Kairi felt like facepalming.

"Well, see, remember those times when you blacked out and when you woke up again you were really tired and kind of satisfied…?" She let out a nervous giggle. "See, um, Roxas and I don't exactly have to be confined to your bodies. I can see him anytime I want… In Sora's head…"

Realization, at least partial, dawned on Kairi's face. "Oh. My. God…."

Dr. Baralai sweatdropped, as he watched the young lady seemingly talk to herself for the last five minutes. "Um, I think you need a little more help than I can give, Miss…"

Sora leaped in quickly with a nervous grin. "Oh, no, she's not crazy!" He paused and mumbled, "I mean, not because of that." He then leaned over to Kairi and hissed out of the corner of his mouth, "Kairi! Ixnay on the Aminenay!" He then directed his next words to Roxas, making sure not to speak them aloud. "What're they talking about, anyway?"

Roxas stayed utterly silent. "…"

Sora blinked. "…?"

"… ahhhh…" Roxas nodded, sweatdropping.

Sora's mouth dropped open, and then pointed to himself and then to Kairi, confusing the counselor even more. "…!"

Roxas blushed. "… Heh."

Sora's eyes opened wide and accidentally yelled out loud, "ROXAS! NAMINÉ! YOU GOT SOME 'SPLAININ' TO DOOOO!" And what do you know? We don't own I Love Lucy!

Dr. Baralai hit a button on the wall. "SECURITY!"

And, in their bickering and wandering, the two came across some old friends: Cloud and Leon. The two were sparring outside the FFMCC™. They were not qualified for this kind of psycho-analysis, but they decided to give it a shot. That, and Sora bribed them with munny. Because munny is good. And they wanted some sea-salt ice cream. But we digress again.

"Okay," Leon started, wearing stereotypical psychologist glasses and sitting in the ice cream parlor the group decided to discuss in, "this is a better way to do this: Roxas, Naminé, why don't you talk about your feelings."

Naminé and Roxas then emerged in spirity form from their respective Others' bodies. Sora and Kairi's jaws dropped.

"But … but … but…" Sora stattered. Yes, stattered. It was so bad, that 'stuttered' or 'stammered' couldn't have cut it.

"How did they…?" Kairi started. "Why did they…?"

"Good…" Cloud nodded, licking some sea-salt ice cream. Ironically, he could do with a good psychologist himself. "Now, would one of you mind explaining?"

Roxas laughed nervously. "Hehe… See, um, we just did the whole 'we can't ever leave your bodies' thing."

"We just did it for the sake of your relationship." Naminé explained as Sora and Kairi sat in disbelief.

"We already knew you two sort of needed a helping hand in the relationship department, so, we, um, sort of decided to help you out!" Roxas finished.

"But… Then…" Sora tried to connect the figurative dots.

Roxas saved him the trouble. "Sora, you forget: I was in your brain for all of the time after you woke up from your year-long nap in Castle Oblivion."

Sora started, "Castle Obliv-?"

"Never mind!" Roxas interrupted. He continued a little uneasily. "The point is… you know all those dreams you had about a seemingly random dark blonde boy and a seemingly random blonde girl which you marked off as just being a horny teenager…?"

And the Keyblade bearer proceeded to have a nosebleed. "Th-th-th-that was you?! Ew! Ew! Ew! OH MY GOD! I though that... How do you guys move like that?!"

Leon untied his tongue and coughed in embarrassment. "This is… very interesting, but it doesn't explain something: Why is it that Sora and Kairi are having marital troubles?"

Naminé picked up the explanation from here. "Well… Here's the thing… Our plan backfired, 'cause we wanted to try something different, so we decided to take over their bodies and… Well…"

Kairi and Sora screamed. "Ew! Ew! Ew!"

Roxas scratched the back of his head. "So, technically, your marriage isn't exactly as bad as you think it is…"

Sora suddenly paled as a thought occurred to him. "Please, please tell me you don't do this in front of Kisa!"

"What?" Roxas blinked. "Ew, no! We're not that bad!"

"In fact, we just put her to sleep like you normally would," Naminé added.

Kairi died a little on the inside. "You mean she doesn't even know the difference between her mommy and … and-!"

"Watch it, honey, we're technically the same person." Naminé shot dryly.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER!" Kairi cried. "She's my little angel…" She sniffled.

-A FLASH TO THE INSERT SORA'S SURNAME HERE HOUSEHOLD-

"Uncle Rikuuuu!" Kisa called to her babysitter in a sing-song voice. "Play Princess Pretty Pants dress up with me!" We do not own Digimon Tamers.

"Now, come on, Kisa," Riku said in fake cheer. "There has to be something else you want to do."

"Do it." Kisa glared.

"No." Riku's voice was firm.

"Do it."

"No."

"Do it, or I tell Mommy and Daddy that you had a laaady friend over!" Kisa grinned.

Riku's mouth opened and closed like a fish. "... Let's play dress up," Riku's monotone voice answered.

"YAY!" Kisa grinned slightly evilly. Such an adorable child. (More on this pair in a future drabble).

-BACK TO COUNSELING!-

Sora was shuddering. "Gosh, I feel so dirty..." (You should, Sora!)

"Technically, you didn't do it." Cloud reminded calmly while licking his second sea-salt ice cream. "It was Roxas and Naminé who got it on."

The married couple shuddered.

"You know what, you're just jealous!" Roxas yelled.

Kairi looked at Sora. "Okay, I, for one, am never fighting again!"

"Same here!" Sora agreed.

"…"

"…"

And they shot toward each other and made out in the booth of the ice cream parlor while little kids stared and parents dragged their children away.

"Our work here is done!" Naminé celebrated as a man cried, 'GET A ROOM!'

"Now to reap the rewards!" Roxas grinned pervertedly. No, that word does not exist. No, we don't care. The Nobodies then jumped back into their respective bodies to enjoy the lip-locking.

Leon's right eye twitched. "God, those two are kinky."

Cloud simply studied the two rolling on the floor. "… I need to find Aerith…" He stalked off.

Leon then sighed. "Why didn't they put Rinoa in this game…?" And we don't own Final Fantasy VIII. A thought struck him. "Hey, maybe I can go and prove those Yuffie/Leon shippers right… Wish me luck!" He said to no one in particular as he ran off, his work done.

Suddenly, a black-haired Japanese man with a dirty sense of writing popped out of nowhere. "The moral of the story: What happens in Sora's brain…"

A long white-haired Japanese man with golden eyes then appeared as well. "…Stays in Sora's brain!"

Another black-haired Japanese man came in, though part of his hair was covering his left eye. "Or should stay in his brain, that is." He said dryly.

An hot-headed orange-haired teenager stomped in behind them. Cat ears appeared on his head. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"

A long brown-haired girl held up a sign that said 'To Be Continued' and waved good naturedly.

A/N: And anyone who may not have been able to tell the last characters were, in order of appearance: Shigure Sohma, Ayame Sohma, Hatori Sohma, Kyo Sohma, and Tohru Honda from the anime/manga Fruits Basket.

Ashley: We hope you enjoyed our perverted drabble! Trust me, we aren't always like this!

We hope you come again! And please review!