A SAW HUMOR FAN FICTION
When Amanda Gets Drunk
"Yo, Jigsaw! Wats ur Fucking Victim Today? Lena Everdeen? The Whorebag who stole Wine from a Local Strip Club? Randy Good? The Slut who kidnapped a Girl & Raped the Fuck out of her Pussy? or Frank Bobs? The Bitch who owes me 5 Bucks?" Amanda Said, "Sigh" John moaned "You drank the whole bottle of Vodka we were supposed to Share with Jill, Hoffman & Gordon, didn't you?" "Well shit my Asshole with a Drill, U know, i can't stand Vodka..." "Your Favorite is a Bloody Mary" "Shit..., well what r we Supposed to Do Now? Shitstain" "Excuse me Amanda, but are you talking to me?" John said with that "U R SO DEAD" Tone. "Well Yeah, you. Ur the Bitch who is Obsessed into making Deathtrap Contraptions that Chops off People's Dicks & Shove Metal Pipes into Woman's Vagina" "Well would you step on this Bubble Bath with Anonymous Shackles Sticking out?" "Well Hell Fuckin' Yeah, i could use a Shot of Piss Reliever in dat Shitty Bathtub" Amanda said, who idiotically agreed to go to a Trap.
In John Kramer's Mind:
The Bathtub you Speak of is a Deathtrap,you need to Shackle yourself into the Tub & Let the Timer wait for 60 seconds, there are Wires, you are too Drunk to see which is Connected to the Water, once the 60 Seconds are Up, it will Produce a Lethal Electric Shock which will Fry your Body, killing you Instantly, this is why you Shouldn't Call me that Long Vulgar Name..."
One Very Long thought Later...
"Umm.. Amanda?" John wailed "Why da Fuck r u Shouting,m Dick Head?" Amanda Shouted in the Bathtub Naked "Why don't you use the Shackles to Chain yourself for Maximum Relief" "Well Hell Fucking Yeah!" she said while taking a Piss in the Bathtub, she shackled herself to the 4 Shackles & went on Pissing. "Now, i'm going to start this Timer, which is Aimed for 60 Seconds, when the Timer goes off, you shall feel a little Vibrating in your Vagina" John said Hoping she would be Drunk enough to Believe it was True "Vibrators for Free! Hell Yeah"
51 secs. of Pissing Later...
"Yes! Yes! Free Vibrators! Free Vibrators! Ooh Ooh!" Amanda excitedly Chanting "You shall see the most Difficult consequences of a Vibrator Amanda, you will see..." "Countdown Everybody!" "3... 2... 1!" SUDDENLY A WILD SOUND OF DOOR SMACKING APPEARED "Holy Shit..." John Said as he stopped the Timer "Sup Everybody!" Hoffman said "Sorry for the Sound honey, Hoffman wanted to be like the FBI, wanting to Kick Doors then Surprise!" Jill Said "We are here for the Vodk- AAAAAAAAAAHH!" Dr. Gordon Shouted "Umm... Why is Amanda naked?" "Well, she drank the Vodka, the Whole Bottle" John said "Dafuq?" The 3 Moaned "Hey... its already 60 secs. WHERE IS DA FUCKING VIBRATOR!?" Amanda Wailed "Ohh Shit.. the Water is Yellow..." "Well you pissed for 72 seconds & Fwalah! Yellow Orange Juice..." Hoffman said "YES! Free Juice, somebody give me a Fucking Straw!" "There you go Drunk Bitch" Dr. Gordon said tossing the Straw. It went Bullseye into her Eye "Worth it!" She said while sipping the Freshly made Piss Juice.
29 Seconds of Drinking Piss Later...
"Dude! I didn't mean Seriously! You Literally Drank the Whole 'Juice' in the Tub!" Hoffman Shouted "Well, that's the Consequence of Being Drunk, she looks Pregnant now..." Jill said "Well, now i'm Pregnant with Juice in my Womb, who wants to be mah Fucking Husband!?" shouted Amanda "Shut the Fuck Up! I wasted 20 Bucks for that Vodka" John said "What, where am i? Why am i Naked on an Empty Tub that Stinks Piss? Why the Hell am i Pregnant?" Amanda said with Terror "You Fucking Slut! You got Drunk with Vodka & now your doing that 'Amnesia' Drunk Guy Style!?" Gordon said "Wait i got it" Jill said as she Falcon Punched Amanda in the Belly, well, she Puked all over Jill's Face. "Haha! Thats why Revenge hurts!" Amanda said, now in her Sexy Body "I'll show you what's Painful!" Hoffman said as he literally Bashed her Vagina with a Pipe. "Okay... Revenge hu-urts to me!" Amanda murmured "My Turn..." John said as he Electrocuted her with a Tazer, she Literally had Puke in her Lip as she was Dumped in a Sewage Outlet "You think she's gonna be Okay when she wakes up?" Jill Said "After All it's your Idea to Dump her down there" "Don't Worry!" Dr. Gordon said "She'll feel the Pain of Bashing into Solid Concrete when she wakes up" John said" Well she would have to Shake of the Rats on her Body before she Bleeds to Death, Walk Naked on the Plaza just to get Back to the Workshop" "Oh, when she Wakes up Punch her in the Nose, for Wasting my 20 Bucks, & Tell her to get Dressed" John Commanded Gordon "Why the Hell am i gonna waste my Punch into a Crunching Nose Smack" "Well, you didn't Punch her while she was in the Workshop" John Said. "Besides, she will be Hell Mad at you for Dumping her down there" "Fine..." Gordon Angrily said
One Embarrasing & Painful Walk to the Workshop, getting Punched & Dressed Moment Later...
"There's a Lesson to be Learned here Amanda" John said "Yeah, yeah never get Drunk while in the Workshop" Amanda said "No you Bitch!" John said while Smacking her in the Head "Don't Mess with the 20 Bucks!" "& When i did something wrong to you & you want to tell the Cops, Blame Jill" John Whispered "I FUCKING HEARD THAT JOHN!" Jill Shouted. John said:
"SHIT!, U WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE JILL! YOU ARE A FUCKING WOMAN! SAYANARA MADDAFAKKA" John said while Slamming the Door
THE END