A/N: Been a while since I have written anything but I really enjoyed writing this oneshot. Need to thank my readers docvap and rkcaskett for their opinions. Also need to thank my wonderful beta Xonze for his work on this as well. It is very much appreciated as we are not perfect and inevitably miss stuff. As usual I don't own any of the Castle characters. That honor goes to the brilliant Andrew Marlowe and company.
Hope you enjoy the story. If you feel led, please leave a review as I would love to hear from you on what you all thought.
Point. A starting place for any one thing or action. In my case it started with a murder, but not just any murder as often in my line of work but one that had to mimic the words on a page of one Richard Castle. Little did I know what kind of adventure that laid ahead or how unprepared I really was for what was to come.
Thinking back now to the way our eyes locked on those first few cases or the antics pulled just to get me to smile, it should have been a foregone conclusion that we would end up together, but for us it was not the case.
Our starting point was a dirty precinct going through fan mail of a guy playing himself off as cocky, but who was really a scared little boy looking for someone to be real with again. He may have been able to look into my eyes and tell my story but what he didn't realize was that I could have done the same with him. The intent in the beginning was to keep my past, my true self, a mystery he would never solve. He very likely had the same intention for he carefully guarded what he showed to people. It makes me laugh now how a mystery writer and a seasoned Detective ever thought they could successfully keep any part of themselves from each other, but it was an unsaid challenge.
A gauntlet was tossed down by each of us without either saying a word. Our eyes said it all. It became a starting point to a relationship that would challenge us to the point of nearly breaking, yet we persevered. We fought each other and ourselves at the start until we started to find some stable ground. A place where we could set up the rules, bend the rules or break them as we forged forward.
I wonder, back when we first started, what other people thought. When Esposito poked at me with a stupid comment about Shark Week and how much more fun me dealing with Castle would be, I wasn't surprised. It was bound to happen by someone on my team and Ryan didn't know me well enough.
Here I was, their team leader who took nothing from no one and had absolute control over everything in my life, with someone like Castle. I was focused, determined and I admit a bit of a stickler for procedure. We were all still getting to know each other at that point and trying to come together as a strong team, my team. I get that I didn't smile as much or have much fun but who needed fun when victim's and their families were involved? I know I didn't, at work anyway, until Castle came along.
Castle, the antithesis of everything I worked for up to that point and who I was not going to let destroy everything I built, brick by brick. My team knew this about me but also welcomed him into the fold like he could do no harm. In the back of my mind I sometimes wondered if they did this just to get under my skin in their own, not so subtle, way. Sure, the Espresso machine didn't hurt matters but maybe they saw a change in me for the better and I wasn't ready to admit it; yet, anyway. That would come much later.
My team may have noticed that we became a more cohesive team with him around, myself a better cop and partner when I lightened up some. We started to think outside the box more to the point of even giving credit to some of Castle's crazy theories. Only they were really not that crazy, or not all of them, but just a way to fill in the blanks of a mystery being solved. Usually that led to a murderer caught, a case solved and closure given to one more family. In a way it was a starting point for all of us when Castle decided to shadow me and grew into something we depended on, in and out of our work.
Funny how I mentioned growing into something we depended on as it didn't quite work out that way. When we did start to set ourselves as a team it nearly got derailed by none other than Castle.
I admit it wasn't entirely his fault, but he made the choice to look into my mom's murder and I made the choice to kick him out of my life. I wasn't stupid in thinking he got the information himself. I knew he had help. More than likely it came from Esposito as he knew me better than most at the precinct, but I also knew it wasn't really anger that fueled my actions. It was fear of going back down that rabbit hole and never coming back out. I thought I had put that behind me, crawled out of my hole and moved on, but was informed later that I never really left. Yeah, I have Castle to thank for that little enlightenment but I can say I helped him as well.
His daughter may have taught him the art of a sincere apology, but it was me that showed him how to accept one. We both handled the situation wrong and I think my whole team knew it. I'm lucky that Lanie didn't find out the full story till he got involved with another case or I would have been given the riot act by her and been justified. It kind of reminds me of the time that Castle was put in his place by his own daughter, at the precinct no less. She was justified in her actions as well and as much as I wanted to rub it in, I found that I couldn't. What I witnessed was a chink in his armour and a glimmer of who he really was outside of the spotlight. Just like he saw a crack in mine when we were hit with a case that turned out to involve my mom's hitman.
That case tested my teams limits, but also taught us that we had developed into a solid team, a successful team. We didn't have to rely on Castle's crazy theories for this one or, at least, not once we realized what was involved. I mean, who couldn't resist cracks about Jonny Vong at the beginning even though I came across annoyed? Inside I wanted to make the same cracks but Castle did it for me. In a way, he provided some much needed levity during that case but more than anything, I discovered how far he would go for me. Sure, money talks but more than that, a his kind heart and just being the rock to keep me from sinking meant so much more to me. At the end our connection to each other saved his life, for all it took was one glance into his eyes to know what he was thinking. One look, one shot, one hand for comfort to set in motion a future we would have never thought possible.
A future we started to really go forward with, until more roadblocks were put in our way. Looking back I call them roadblocks but that is not what they really were for us. It was more like a cloak and dagger game we played but with real people involved. I can say now it would have been smarter to just admit to each other how we felt but no one ever said either of us were smart in terms of relationships. Instead Castle had a fling which hurt me, even though I know I had no claim on him. So in retaliation I hurt him, brushed him off just like I felt he brushed me off. As we should have expected, it ended badly for both of us.
Miscommunication and bad timing were the rules of the game we were playing at that point so I guess we deserved the way we ended it that summer. I laugh at it now as I think about it because Castle would say that fate played a hand in this dangerous game. What we didn't know at that point was that fate would play another hand but in our favor and it wasn't her last one. Not even close.
The boys, Lanie, and Castle's own family, Martha in particular, weren't blind. They could see how we felt about each other and despite the teasing, they cared. They each tried to step in at different times for both of us to set us straight but we were too stubborn to see it. Our team chemistry, that we so carefully built, was starting to crumble and they knew it. Kind of like watching a train wreck that you can't bring yourself to look away.
The only thing they could do when it finally derailed was to pick up the pieces and move on, hanging on to the notion that Castle would be back in the fall. A loaded statement if there ever was one, for all of us. For the boys, it was the loss of a friend to lighten the load and yes, to take the brunt of my more harsher moods at times. For me, he hurt me in ways that would take me a long while to fully comprehend. As strange as it sounds, even to my own ears, he did leave me with some hope. A Hope that time and distance could repair the hurt we caused between us much like we had done previously. I wasn't stupid in thinking I could let him go that easily and knew I wouldn't no matter who I tried to make take his place. Whether I would admit it or not at the time, there was more to the story that wasn't being told by either of us. We weren't ready for the chapter so we both crawled back into our own holes for a time.
My team regrouped and rallied around me but never really forgot what we had come to be. Who knows, maybe they knew something that I didn't or couldn't see at the time. We were a team and would come together as a team, albeit a much stronger team than we could even imagine, again. Castle and I never really talked about that time apart but we didn't need to when fate decided to play another hand.
You would think in all my years as I cop that I would have been prepared for just about anything. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you see it, I wasn't ready for the series of events that started with a single arrest. Events that challenged us, changed us deeply and brought my team to their knees but one that we came out of stronger, more resilient. An end match to all the sets that had come before. Poetic really in a morbid kind of way but here I go sounding like Castle he'll never let me live it down.
To an outsider to may seem like I forgave him and let him back in quickly after that fateful summer but not to those few who knew me. Believe me I tried to shut him out but couldn't ignore how I felt, how much better my team worked with him back. Who was I to take that away from any of us? So I gave him a chance, let him back into my inner circle if you will. But, I wasn't going to let him get to me again. No, we were both seeing people, albeit very infrequently on my part, so we had the opportunity for once to just work on our friendship, our unconventional partnership. We built back that trust and learned to care about each other again, on a friendship level only, of course, but who I was I kidding? Certainly none of our friends. The groove we got into worked for a while too.
.
A while that turned out to be a rather short one comparatively when fate played another card. One phone call was all it took for actions to be taken, decisions to be made, and a kiss to lay unspoken. My team learned to trust each other with our lives and found out just how far we would really go for each other, including Castle. Everyone risked their lives on that case and we were lucky we all came out alive, albeit with some scars. As I carefully looked into Castle's eyes as he sat at the back of the ambulance and I re-wrapped his hand, I knew I would go anywhere, do anything for him, always.
Thinking about it now, Castle started to be much more than a writer and (consider: Castle started to be more than just a writer, he'd become more of a cop, to the point of risking his own life.) much more of a cop to the point of risking his own life. Given the right circumstances, he really is a very good cop yet still finds a way to think outside the box, always with a story in mind. Funny, since a few people have said that I started to think like a writer would on cases while keeping my cop instincts on alert.
We continued to grow closer as time went forward. A deeper connection forged that no one would be able to break, minus ourselves and we did try to break it a few times. Castle's personal troubles were plastered all over the paper at one point but I pretended I didn't see it. How could I not ignore the turmoil he was going through? So I did what anyone would do. I was his friend and let him come to me even if it was for nothing more than to share a meal.
To admit that the action was anything more would be admitting to him and myself that he was more than a friend. I couldn't do that then, even though in my heart he was so much more. We both knew it, so why I was the only one still hanging on to someone else at that point had to have confused everyone, especially myself.
Fear has a way of doing that though. Twisting your priorities and making you think you are better off than you really are in situations. Nearly dying in each other's arms wasn't even enough to convince me, even though I was ready to confess my love at one point which would come back to haunt me. I knew I was second guessing myself, stringing people along just so I could keep things under my control. With Castle, I had no control over anything, especially when it came to how he knew what to say, when to say it and when to screw it up. Ok, maybe we both possessed this talent but it was all part of forging forward, backwards and even sideways with us. Always, complicated, always passionate. We expected nothing less.
What it ultimately came down to though was that Castle was there, every time. No matter how hard I pushed, he would just push back, in ways that would get to me. Whether it involved going on a plane ride and watching my back, although I'm sure he enjoyed the view, or pretending he hadn't seen a movie just so I could tell him all about it, and yes, I caught on quick. When I started thinking of Castle before anyone else, would get annoyed when we would get interrupted, was when I knew something had to change in my life. Ironically my first love on the force saw it as well long before either of us did and said so rather fittingly in a letter.
It was at this point that fate decided to play her final card. In a twisted sort of way, it was good for us though. We needed that argument to air things that weren't being said by either of us because we were too scared or stupid. A trend of emotions that seemed to follow us whenever things got too rough, too personal. I can see now how blinded I was by my past, not willing or able to look to a future right in front of me and I nearly lost my chance. Castle knew it as I could see it written all over his face but seemed just as conflicted, two peas in a pod. I wonder what Martha would have said about all of this had she witnessed everything. Probably would have given both of us a smack on the head and spouted of one of her infamous Martha-isms.
In the end though it took a tragic death, a bullet to myself, to turn the tide in our relationship. For us to let go of past relationships, past hurts, past history and forge forward to a future we always knew we would get to, eventually.
After reading over the words one final time, I stood up and carefully slid it into an envelope to be hand carried to a dear friend of mine, to be bound into a small leather book. I purposely left some blank pages in it as I knew our story wasn't finished, it was only the beginning.
Just as I finished, I felt arms reach around me in a warm embrace I had come to know so well. Turning, my eyes met his for a moment before our lips touched in a gentle caress. He didn't have to ask what I was working on just as I didn't have to ask what he was doing. We would find out together, in our own time, our own way, our own path.
"Let's go. We have a group of people eagerly waiting to see us again and we can't disappoint our adoring fans." I heard Castle say softly in my ear as he linked my fingers with his own.
"No, we can't even, if these fans are only our family. Family made through trial, tribulations and now celebration." I said softly squeezing his hand.
The look in his eyes was something I had never quite seen but I knew what I said had caught him off guard. Pulling him toward the opening, I pulled our linked hands close to my mouth and gently brushed my lips across his fingers.
"Guess you are starting to rub off on me. It's been said before I'm a one writer girl and I don't go back on my promises." I leaned in and said as we both smiled.
We were soon surrounded with smiles, tears, and plenty of hugs to go around. In the game we called life this was Point, Set, Match but definitely not Game.