One day, in Onett. Ness was unable to sleep for once. He was 17 years old and his High school prom was two days away. He needed a date, or he would be forever be labeled a loser. Ness wasn't the kind of guy to be called a loser. He also usually wasn't the kind of guy to stay up till 2:00 AM thinking about something like this, but this was serious frickin' business!
"Yeah. Mr. GreatNess isn't going to settle for being a loser!" Ness paused for a moment. "No. That one sucks too." Ness sighed, ever since he met a particularly egotistical original character who called himself "The Great Steven" He's wanted to have a name similar to that for some reason. Ness paused to think of a new name for himself until he remember that he had a much bigger problem to deal with. "Oh! I need a date for prom. Aw crap. Wait, I know! I'll ask Jeff! Wait no, that's not what I meant." Ness said to himself. "I meant I'll ask him for advice!" Ness quickly jumped out of bed and ran downstairs.
"I need to go to Winters! I'll be back soon!" Ness yelled as he ran out the door. He went to bed in his clothes just incase he thought of something like this. He kept running until his neighborhood slowly transitioned to the halls of Snow Wood boarding school. With no concern of who was around him, he went into Jeff's room. Jeff, as Ness assumed, was fully awake fixing a toaster.
"Ness? What the hell? Why are you here at 2:00 in the morning?" Jeff looked at Ness like he was retarded, then again. Jeff looked at everyone like they were retarded, mainly because they were when compared to him.
"Jeff! I need a date for prom!" Ness yelled out.
"Christ sakes! First Tony now you? This is like a fanfic writer's dream! Can I end up with a girl for once?" Jeff yelled out.
"I didn't mean it like that! I meant I need your help to get me a date!" Jeff nodded in understanding.
"Oh... OK. Hey Tony!" Jeff called out.
"No! A GIRL!" Ness yelled. Jeff just sighed.
"Ok fine, I'll help you convince Lucas to-"
"Why-oh-why didn't I bring my bat?" Ness glared at Jeff. Jeff just sighed again.
"Well, what did you expect? You went to an all guys dorm to ask for a prom date. Did you even think that through?" Jeff raised an eyebrow. Ness paused.
"No I didn't..." Ness bit his lip.
"Moron." Jeff said as he rolled his eyes. "So, did you ask Paula yet?"
"Wha-" Ness seriously didn't even think of that.
"Congratulations! You are now officially retarded! Good job Ness. You didn't even think about asking the GIRL." Jeff shook his head. "Whatever. Even if you did have a brain, Paula's dad wouldn't allow that. He doesn't even let her hang out with boys. Well other than us of course, but even then that was a life or death situation. He wouldn't let her go out with you." Jeff cleared his throat. "He would be all like 'He's a bad person. He's just trying to take advantage of you!" Jeff said, imitating Paula's father perfectly.
"Aw crap." Ness facepalmed. "What is his problem anyway? He doesn't want her to be near boys, yet he wants her to be married. Why do Christians always contradict-" Before Ness could finish his sentence Jeff put his hand over Ness's mouth.
"If you even think of starting that argument, I'm going to go cram my old death ray in my mouth, and nuke my damn brains!" Ness calmly stepped away.
"OK! OK! Chill out man. Religion IS stupid though." Ness muttered the last part under his breath. Unfortunately, Jeff picked up on it.
"No. I think people should be able to live anyway they want. They are-" Jeff paused and thought for a moment. "I hate you." Jeff shook his head as he realized what was about to happen. "I hate you so much." Jeff paused in thought again. "You know, I would've thought we would be on opposite sides on that argument."
"Yeah, so did I. Why did you decide to defend religion anyway?" Ness cocked his head to the side. He seriously wondered that. Seriously.
"Oh I just think that people should be able too believe in what they want. They're all retarded anyway." Jeff said with a straight face.
"Oh my god. You deserve to be sexually assaulted by Master freakin' Belch for saying that!" Ness jabbed his finger at Jeff with every word he spoke.
"Sorry buddy. I don't want to end up like you in that one fanfic." Ness's eyes widened. Jeff just chuckled.
"What?" Ness had no idea what the hell Jeff was talking about.
"Go check the M rated part of the Earthbound section. You'll see lots of things. None of them good. Well, that last part depends on your -uh- interests." Jeff gave Ness a funny look until Ness waved him away.
"This is child's game! What the hell? Does any of these writers even think of that?" Ness screamed, clearly outraged.
"Nope, they don't give a shit. Neither does this one. That's both the best and worst part of Fanfiction. Speaking of fanfiction, if this one's name is correct, don't you have a prom date to get?" Jeff changed the subject, trying to gather the mutilated remains of the fourth wall.
"Oh right! I have a plan." Ness exclaimed. Jeff just scoffed.
"Do you now? I suppose I could use a good laugh. OK then, shoot." Jeff nodded at Ness, as if to give him the signal to start talking
"OK! The plan is, we go to her house and tell her dad that she called us to tutor her. He lets us in, we go to her room, and I ask her out." Ness smiled, clearly satisfied with his plan.
"Question." Jeff raised his hand, but quickly put it down once he remembered he wasn't in class. "As I've clearly stated, you're retarded. Why would anybody want to willingly lower their IQ score by allowing themselves to be tutored by you?" Ness chose to ignore yet another obvious cheap shot to his intelligence.
"Simple. That's why your coming along. Anybody would jump at the opportunity to be tutored by the one and only Jeff Andonuts. Paula's dad would love the idea of his daughter getting personally tutored by one of the smartest people in the country." Ness nodded. Obviously feeling like a genius after revealing his plan. Jeff burst out in full on laughter.
"Ness, Come on! That's all you can come up with? That's- That's- That's actually a really good idea." Jeff's expression changed from one of spite to one of surprise. "Bravo, that's the last time I insult your intelligence, it's quite obvious there's something in that thick head of yours." Jeff clapped a few times for emphasis.
"Yup. Lets go to sleep and put the plan in motion tomorrow." Ness smiled as he got ready to use Teleport.
"Wow, I just love how you completely disregard the fact that you just woke everyone up." Jeff furrowed his brows as he and Ness looked around. Jeff was telling the truth, Everyone on Jeff's floor was wide awake and glaring at Ness.
"Oh. Hey, looks like Jeff was right." Ness shrugged. "What can I say? Go back to bed!" Ness yelled out as he used teleport. The dark brown hallways slowly transitioned to Ness's neighborhood. Right before the teleport was complete, he briefly heard someone say 'What an asshole.' before he left. The hallways then completely transformed into Ness's neighborhood. "Alright, now I gotta go home, I hope mom doesn't start giving me problems about this." Ness complained as he snuck in to his room. He yawned as he crawled in to his bed and went to sleep.==============================================================================================================================================================================================
"Alright! It's time to get a prom date!" Ness yelled out as he woke up quick at about noon, he just thought that he had to be in Compton soon. He had to get drunk before the day begins, before his mother starts bitchin' about his friends. About to go and damn near went blind. Young- Wait this isn't a song fic, although that was a rap song. Does that make it a rapfic? Whatever, back to the show. Ness ran out the door and used Teleport Alpha, completely disregarding his mother. He also completely disregarded the fact that he is acting SO out of character now. He teleported to Snow Wood boarding school to pick up Jeff. Ness smiled to himself, this could only succeed. Ness X Paula is popular for a reason after all.
"Good morning, Ness. Ready to kick the plan in gear?" Jeff said as he looked up from the Toaster he was frantically working on.
"Yeah. Also, what is with you and that toaster?" Ness asked. Jeff started getting nervous.
"N-nothing. It's not like I'm using the heating coils to make a molten plasma launcher to shoot at people I don't like. Why would I do that?" Jeff shifted around nervously.
"Whatever." Jeff sighed in relief. "We've got more important things to take care of." Ness declared.
"Of course, your prom date." Jeff rolled his eyes. "God forbid you end up without a date. God forbid I get one." Jeff groaned. "Let's just go to Twoson. The sooner we do this, the better." He reached out and grabbed Ness's hand.
"All right then. Let's get going." Ness started running as he used teleport. The scenery of Snow Wood boarding school slowly transitioned in to the familiar scenery of Twoson. They managed to end up right outside Paula's house. Ness let out a deep sigh. "You ready for this Jeff?"
"Yeah. Ready as I'll ever be. Let us go and get your prom date." Jeff fought back his tears as he and Ness approached the front door to Paula's house. Ness reached out and rang the doorbell. The door opened a few moments later, a skinny man in his forties was at the door. The enemy has been spotted, an wild, angry father has appeared.
"You? What do you kids want? It better not be to see my precious daughter." He grumbled.
"Hi, Mr Polestar. Paula called me the other night and asked me to tutor her. I wanted to be as much as a help as possible, so I got the one and only Jeff Andonuts to get in on her - Er - this." Ness smiled. Paula's dad raised an eyebrow.
"That's strange." He began. "Another boy about your age said the exact same thing." Ness's eyes widened. "But, that is THE Jeff Andonuts. I suppose you could go to her room and kick the other guy out."
"The plot thickens!" Jeff said with a grin. "Let's go, Ness." Ness and Jeff ran to Paula's room as fast as they could, they stopped at her door. Curious, they both pressed their ears against it.
"Huhu. You, that tickles." A voice, it sounded like Paula. It sounded like she was giggling. Faint smooching noises could also be heard. Unable to take it anymore, Ness and Jeff barged in.
"WHAT!" Only to find Paula on her bed with a brown haired guy beside her, kissing her neck. Ness instantly recognized who the brown haired guy was. "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! What the FUCK!" The brown haired guy was none other that Steven, from the fanfic Trouble in Paradise. "This can't happen! You're an OC! You can't be involved in a paring with an established Character! That's just wish fulfillment!" Steven got off of Paula and cleared his throat.
"First thing is first. I am not Steven. I too am an established character." Ness shook his head frantically.
"Don't lie to me, you are defiantly Steven." Ness pointed
"No. It's me, Giygas. I'm just in an OC's body." Giygas pointed out.
"Wait. Paula is secretly having a relationship with a blood thirsty alien? Wow, I can practically see the shippers getting their pitchforks! Ladies and Gentlemen! Presenting PaulaXGiygas! The absolute latest in trolling technology!" Jeff mocked. "Can somebody explain this to me and Ness? How did... This happen?"
"Well." Paula began. "He came to me in a dream, he then confessed the feeling he had felt for me since we first met. He then literally took me on my dream date. After the date, I knew it was meant to be." She then looked at Giygas. "And it still is." She added before kissing him.
"You know. I would allow myself to get killed by the high council of my race over and over again for you, my sweet." He added before before kissing her back.
"That's... Really touching, surprisingly." Jeff nodded to himself, seemingly warming up to the idea in his mind. Ness on the other hand, wasn't taking it so well.
"All my hard work. No prom date... Ness = Permanent loser... Will not accept... Neston Forrelo is not a loser... He will never be... NEVER!" He mumbled to himself before looking up with a wide smile. "Sorry about that. Well, Jeff, I think we should leave these two lovebirds alone. They clearly deserve each other. Let's go Jeff." Jeff quickly complied, terrified of Ness's overly happy demeanor. They walked down the stairs and approached the front door.
"What happened to tutoring my daughter?" Mr Polestar asked. Ness smiled.
"More importantly. Have you seen what those two are doing up there?" Ness breathed in deeply. "THEY'RE K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" He screamed out.
"DAMN YOU NESS!" He heard Giygas scream from upstairs. Paula's dad was already running up there with a pitchfork. Ness giggled to himself. Prom date or not, The Loch Ness monster always gets the last laugh.
I got bored of Trouble in Paradise. I decided to write this to keep my fingers warm. Hope you enjoyed. The funny part is that I didn't know it was Valentine's day until a few minutes before I finished this.
Also. Every day, Jeff Andonuts is paired with an OC or Ness if he is even paired at all. Usually he stays sad. Forever Ronery. Help save a life. Pair Jeff Andonuts with Paula or something. Make at least one Jeff fan happy.
R&R Plox