Our Last Goodbye
Fandom/Pairing: CSI/NickWarrick
Rating: PG
Warning: uh, none?
Disclaimer: Still don't own, continue to use them.
Summary: Taking a deep breath, he let the silence stretch until Warrick was ready to go, was ready to say their last goodbyes.
Our Last Goodbye
"Shhh, babe. Don't cry, please." Warrick's melodic voice travel through the receiver and into the heart of the man on the other end. "You promised me, remember?"
"I remember, Rick. I remember." Nick swallowed thickly, the lump in his throat growing in size with each passing second. He swiped the back of his free hand across his face in a futile attempt to erase the tears that threatened. "I'm okay now."
"All right, babe. I have to go. I love you."
Nick could hear shuffling in the background, a low murmur of those brave few that would stand with his man in their last moments. "No! You can't-please don't. Not yet. I can't say goodbye just yet. Please Rick. Please." His voice cracked with tears as he pled, his knuckles turning white as held the phone tighter. If he held it tight enough, maybe Warrick wouldn't slip away from him.
"I have to, babe. We have to end this once and for all, before anyone else gets hurt, before it gets bigger than it already is." There was the sound of a gun being loaded and Nick's heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. Warrick was really going to do it; he was really going to risk his life for complete strangers. "Promise me something, Nicky."
He couldn't speak, just like he had been unable to speak to anyone since the call came in. An attack on the courthouse, on the courtroom that Warrick had been testifying in. Seven men holding them hostage, not making any demands, but threatening the lives of the court patrons all the same. The CSI team had been round up and put on stand-by, waiting near the surveillance van while a SWAT team was assembled and briefed. Nick had sat stock still, staring blankly at his hands until Archie handed him a phone with Warrick on the other line.
"Anything, Rick." Nick swallowed again as he leaned up against the van for support. Suddenly the world seemed to be tilting precariously, the ground wanting to rush up and meet his face. He closed his eyes against he dizziness and focused on the one thing that kept him grounded: the voice on the other end of the line.
"Take care of yourself, Nicky. No matter what happens. You hear me? You pick yourself up and you move on." The voice, while demanding, was full of love and concern.
"I can't. I can't do that." He felt the first tears leak out of the corners of his eyes. And like raindrops, once they started, they only picked up in intensity until after the storm. "You- you- I can't live without Rick. I just can't."
"Hey, don't talk like that. You remember when I pulled your ass from that box? You remember Nick?" Nick nodded his head before he made a small noise of acknowledgment in the back of his throat. "What did I promise you that night, Nicky? What did I tell you?"
Nick took a deep breath, bending over slightly at the strength it took just to try and form a coherent response. "You told me- you said you'd never leave me again." A small sob escaped his lips, but he quickly brought his hand up to stifle it.
"That's right. And have I ever broken a promise to you?"
"N-n-n-no." He squeezed his eyes shut, knowing his emotions were rapidly slipping out of his control. And if Warrick was so level headed about this, Nick needed him to know that he would be okay. But the truth of the matter was that there was no life for him without Warrick. He would be incomplete, missing half of his soul, half of his heart. In a vain attempt to re-gain the upper hand on his emotions, he tried to crack a joke. "Well, there was that one time . . ." but he had to let the sentence hang in the air because of all their years together, as both friends and lovers, he couldn't recall a time when Warrick had gone back on his word.
"Smart ass." He could hear Warrick's teary chuckle and knew that he had accomplished what he'd set out to do. Taking a deep breath, he let the silence stretch until Warrick was ready to go, was ready to say their last goodbyes. "I love you, Nicky. Nothing changes that. But you have to know, I need to do this. Okay? So no hating me for this. Promise me that?" When silence was his only answer, Warrick tried again. "I need to hear you say it. Say 'I promise'."
Nick's voice was shaky and strained with tears as he whispered, "I promise." The strangled sob, despite his best attempts, slipped out and he heard a whimper on the other end of the line.
"I'm sorry, Nicky. Please don't cry anymore. I love you. I have to go."
"Wait! Rick, please don't. I'm sorry! Please, you don't have to do this. We'll get you out, I promise. Just- just give us more time. They have SWAT and-"
"Shhh, Nicky." He could hear the thinly veiled pleas in his man's voice, but it was enough to silence him. "We need to do this. And it has to be now. I can't let anymore people die, okay Nicky? I called you so that'd you understand and so that your voice would be the last thing I heard. That's all I wanted and I got my wish. But now its time to go. I love you, Nick. Forever."
"I love you too Rick. Desperately. Eternally. Just please, don't say it. Don't say goodbye."
"I'm sorry, babe." There was a long pause before he heard the whispered words. "Goodbye, angel." Then the line went dead.
Nick clutched the phone tighter, listening for any sound of life, praying that he had mistaken those last words. But there was nothing. He screamed his lover's name into the phone before he could no longer breathe. Then all he could do was pull the phone, the last connection he had to Warrick, close to his chest as the tears cascaded down his cheeks. Warrick's last words echoed like a haunting broken record over and over again in his head: goodbye angel, goodbye angel, goodbye angel.
It wasn't until the gunfire inside the building erupted that he was able to move. For a moment, everything seemed frozen, he could hear the shots echoing off the walls, could see the blood spatter against the front windows, could hear the panicked shouts and cries of both the innocent and the enemy. Then all was still. So deathly still and silent. Nick, no longer able to bear it, crashed to his knees, the phone slipping out of suddenly lax fingers and smashing to pieces on the cement.
Then as if someone pushed play, everyone around him sped into action. The SWAT teams stormed in, cops rushed the building, ambulances and paramedics were hurried into the scene. But Nick couldn't move. He sat on his knees, his hands pulled close to his chest, tucked under his chin as if to shield his heart from the outcome of the tragedy. He felt his friends' hands upon him, rubbing his neck, squeezing his shoulders in support, caressing the tears away from his cheeks. But still he couldn't move.
As the scene began to unfold, Nick buried his face in his hands and sobbed. He couldn't bear to learn what his heart already knew. He didn't want to see them drag Warrick's broken and bleeding body out of the building, only to place it in a body bag. He didn't want to see those green eyes, the ones that could never tell him a lie, closed forever in death, or frozen open in shock, the last sights of carnage and death forever imprinted upon the soul fleeing from them. If he were to see that, he would never be able to keep his promises to Warrick, he'd simply fail to live anymore.
He could hear the murmurs of those around him, though distant to the mantra of Warrick's last words, stating the condition of the few remaining survivors, the people his man had given his life to rescue. They would live, they had been protected from most of the action by the heroic acts of a few. There were nine dead. That was the latest count, but there was no word on who they were. It all buzzed around his head until it became to dizzying, to painful to listen to anymore. So he shut them out. All of them. Even the soft voice of Grissom trying to offer comfort to a broken man. Even the pleading voice of Sara and Greg to talk to them, to let them help him. Even Catherine's whispered consolations. Even Brass's roughed voice as he tried to update him. The only voice he wanted to hear was playing over and over inside his head.
Time passed in a weird cadence. At first standing still, then zipping by. But Nick knew very little of it. He only knew the sobs tearing his throat apart and the unstoppable stream of tears that wet his cheeks. And it wasn't until the comforting hands left him alone that he notice the passing of an hour.
He still couldn't bring himself to look up, even when those hands ran gently through his hair, pulling him closer. Not even when that scent enveloped his senses, calming his racing heart and evening out his ragged breaths. It was only when he felt the heart beat against his own chest, only when he heard that voice again, that he could look up and meet fate.
"Hey, babe. Shhhh, now. I've got you. We're fine. We're safe." Warrick laid his cheek against the top of Nick's head, his own tears wetting the dark brown locks. "I've got you now. I'm not letting you go. Ever."
Nick pulled his hands away from his face only to fist them into the shirt of his lover, pressing his face as deep into his man's chest as he could. Warrick's arms tightened around him, pulling him closer to his body. Nick's sobs subsided, but still he wouldn't, couldn't let go.
"I thought- I thought you'd-" Nick couldn't finish the sentence as a fresh wave of tears crashed down upon him.
"Shhhh. Do you remember what I promised you, Nicky?" When Nick nodded his head, unable to voice a coherent thought, Warrick smiled and kissed his lover's head. "I love you Nicky. I love you." The sobs picked up again, but instead of hugging Nick tighter, Warrick pulled away from him slightly, framing the tear streaked face in his hands and lifting it so brown eyes met green. "Hey. Hey. I'm right here. Look at me Nicky. I'm right here."
Nick brought one of his hands up to cup Warrick's cheek, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "I love you, Rick. Promise me you'll never leave me. Promise me."
Warrick smiled before his lips descended to meet those of his soul mate. It was light, a simple reminder for both of them that they were both in the here and now. When they broke, their faces on inches apart, Warrick looked deep into those soulful brown eyes and made a solemn vow. "I love you more than life itself, Nicky. I swear I'll never leave you again. I didn't then, I won't now, and I never will."