At the end of such a monumental chapter in my life I think I should feel more then I do. More sadness or more dissapointment but truth of the matter is all I feel is relieved. I think I had given up on this reashionship long ago. Maybe we both had but neither of us was willing to admit it. Although he did seem genuinely shocked by my decliration.
The relashionship in question was doomed from the word go. We were just too diffrent and their was so much left unresolved and unsaid after the Jane debacle. And niether of us felt comfortable discussing it. So we swep it under the preverble rug and let it fester there. I don't think the situation would have gotten any better if we would have stayed together.I think for the past couple of months we were living in the past. Not really ready to let go of a relashionship that had allready lost all it's magic. I can't remeber thelast time I got that giddy flustered feeling over him. So I ended it. sure their was some real affection and dare I say maybe even love that we shared and I really want to believe or maybe at this point, I need to believe that when we said that we could call each other and compare notes next year that it would really happen. But not now, not yet, we both need some time to grow up and lick our wounds. I need to move on now, it's time. It needed to end here rather then six months from now when their would just be more hurt feeling and empty words.
I'm not sure that I really even completely got over Trent. I mean a while ago I decided that I would push my thoughts and feelings about in that were not strictally platonic into the corners of my mind and forget about him. Because being the logical person that I tend to be I realized that nothing would happen between us as much as I hated to admit it. Even throught mine and Ton's relashionship I think I always left the door open for Trent. Not exactally a basis for a healthy relashionship huh? So I need time to mourn my lost relashionship and the one I never had.
It was one of the most defining moments in my life and I know I made the right choice, for me. I'm now screctly a little glad that I didn't get into Bromwell. I need to let go of all the baggage of former relashionships or lack their of.
And now as i sit here on my bed watching Tom drive away out of my life. Maybe forever I feel a sense of clousure and satisfaction and a overwelming feeling that It will all be ok.