Wow it's long since I've done

Warnings: Angsting, hints of Light/L

I don't own anything.

Enjoy reading! ^^

It was a weird feeling. Really weird... Like something was slowly eating the edges of his being, taking it's time to take one small bite at the time, mulling it over like it was trying to taste his essence. And it was doing this so painfully slow just to make him feel regret... Making him regret that he killed his only friend his only...

It was several days after he caught a falling L in his hands. Seeing him close his eyes that were no longer shadowy black but glassy. Back then he didn't feel the remorse that was killing him now. No, he was proud of himself for making such good plans that never cease to amaze with perfection, he gladly showed his insane smirk to dying L.

But now, NOW, when he felt empty and in pain he was sorry. Never in his life did he regret something as much as he did now. He hated the monster eating him away, but he hated himself more. After all he was a bigger monster. What being would kill off its only friend its only… just because it could, just because it wanted to prove it was God. None but Raito with his selfishness.

He tried convincing himself he did this for the world, but unfortunately it did not work. It only inflicted more pain, because it was a lie. He lied to himself over and over again, but this time it failed miserably. He grabbed his chest where his heart should be, although he was not sure that he had a heart in the first place. He slouched forward and brought his legs upwards. He clenched his teeth while some emotion unknown to him racked his body. Again and again and again...

Soon he couldn't hold the bottled emotions anymore. At first it started with little sobs which, as minutes flew by, turned to wails of pain. Tears started flowing from his sepia eyes, down the cheeks to his chin where they waited a moment to fall down as if asking if it's right to do this.

It seemed as if he cried for hours when he finally stopped and started to notice the dull surroundings. He rubbed his bloodshot eyes, stood up and stepped towards the big window. Looking outside he noticed the same picture he always did. People walking from their jobs, grey buildings towering high in the sky. And it made him wonder... How many people did feel this pain? How many people had done so terrible things? Probably no one.

He pressed his forehead on the chilly window, sighed then rose up and straightened his back. He stalked towards his bed, took the Death note in his hands and started writing names, so many names... Then he snapped and threw the book with much anger to the far corner of his room. He looked up and shouted until he had a sore throat, until his lungs were ready to burst.

Taking the book back he furiously started writing the names again. Then, when he was finished he stood up and went back to the headquarters. Here he was alone again but he only had to do one thing before going back to his home.

The murderer of so many people one couldn't count painfully whispered one sentence that could change the whole story, had he said it sooner: ¨L... I love you....So much...¨

Turning his back to the headquarters he erased this part of his soul, the feeling part. Now he was Kira the cold murderer of sinful people. He smirked to himself and none of the regret was seen on his features, none in his soul. He was whole again, a whole Kira. And he will be Kira until he dies, until he regrets again, until he whispers with cold lips that he needs help, until he begs for his life. But it will be too late then....Too late for Kira to be Raito again.

Owari^^