Dean stared out the window emotionlessly. Croatoan. It was 2014. The very day he arrived from the past to see his world burnt to ashes. He couldn't feel, his emotions were surprisingly dull and vacant. He focused on a tree outside of the old motel he was staying in. He studied the bark, the leaves, the curve of the branches.
"Hello Dean." A deep voice resonated from behind him. Dean turned around, his face just inches from Castiel's bottomless blue eyes. Dean's breath caught in his throat. Was this what Castiel really looked like up close? He fought the urge to study Castiel's face as strongly as the tree he had memorized. With quite some effort, he pushed those feelings aside. "Personal space, Cas." Dean said gruffly, dismissing any feelings between them.
Dean strode past Castiel, their arms brushing along each other. "My mistake, Dean." Castiel muttered, upset at the way Dean had shut him off so cooly.
Dean wandered around the room aimlessly, his hands running through his hair. He could hear the screams of the people outside, as the Croatoan virus overtook them. He could hear their wails of anguish as they all started to kill each other. It burnt the edges of his heart to know that there was nothing that he could do for them.
"Cas," he started, his voice breaking. "What do we do now?"
"Dean, you know I'm sorry about Sam. He was my friend too."
"After all the monsters we've hunted, a damn virus is what takes him out!" Dean screamed, his voice rising with each word.
"Dean, you know that I would give anything to get him back."
"Then bring him back, Cas! Use your angel mojo or something!"
"Dean, you know I can't do that. If I bring him back, he will still be infected. His soul is infected. Croatoan sickens the soul. He's gone, Dean!"
Dean stared at Castiel in disbelief, which slowly resolved into anger. "You know what, Cas?!" You're a piss-poor excuse for a guardian angel! You have done nothing for us since this outbreak started!"
Castiel was hurt, taken aback by Dean's harsh words. "I am sorry, Dean." And he disappeared.
"Cas-" Dean turned around, ready to apologize. But Castiel wasn't there. He had left. He did it again. Screwed up things with Cas. Losing his brother, and now his angel- was just too much for him.
So, Dean did something that he never does. He cried. He buried his face in the cheap motel pillows and wailed. He screamed, thrashed around, and sobbed like a small child. All he wanted was to be held by his mother. He wanted her to sing him a lullaby while rocking him in her lap, gently running her fingers through his hair. But he couldn't even have that. The world even took the simple comfort of a mother's love from him.
Dean felt a hand rest on his shoulder. "Mom...?" he muttered, dazed by all the tears, and wishing so desperately that his mother was there.
"Hello Dean." A dark voice answered.
"Cas? I thought you left." Dean said, relieved to see his angel.
"It wasn't fair for me to be mad at you, especially now. I forgive you, Dean." Dean didn't turn his head to look at Castiel, he just continued sobbing into his pillow.
Castiel was distraught. He didn't like to see Dean in pain. Was there anything he could do? He was never good with human emotion. What do humans want when they cry? A diaper change? That sounded about right. "Dean... Do you need your diaper changed?" Castiel murmured, almost inaudibly.
"What...?" Dean questioned.
"Never mind.", was all Castiel said. It was a valiant effort on his part.
Dean paid no attention to Castiel standing over his dusty motel bed. Suddenly, Dean felt himself lifted from the bed as if he were weightless, and was put lying down down again on the bed with his head in Castiel's lap. Dean buried his face in Castiel's trenchcoat, breathing in the smell of the impala, blood, and sweat. Castiel ran his slender fingers through Dean's bronze hair, whispering words of comfort. Although it wasn't his mother, Dean was just as comfortable with Castiel.
"I'm sorry, Dean. Really, I am."
"Thank you, Cas..." Dean whispered, looking up at his angel with puffy, red, glazed over eyes. Castiel held Dean's gaze. A moment of silence passed between them, and Castiel felt his lips pull into a small, soft smile.
They didn't talk for hours. Dean just laid on the bed with his head on Castiel's lap. Castiel was the first to break the silence. "Dean, we need to get going. The virus is taking people faster than we'd thought. They will overrun this motel room if we don't leave soon." Dean was silent.
Castiel looked down at Dean in anticipation of an answer, but Dean was asleep.
Castiel allowed himself to study Dean. He watched the rise and fall of his chest, the tousle in his hair when he moved. He studied the scars along Dean's face, running his fingers over the morbid and twisted shapes.
After about a half hour of this, Castiel scooped Dean up in his arms like a small child and carried Dean to the impala. He ran across the parking lot, looking for infected.
Castiel made it to the impala and realized it was locked. The keys were in Dean's back pocket. Castiel swore under his breath and slid the keys out, ever so slowly. Castiel's breath caught in his throat. A single human phrase flashed in his mind. That ass... Castiel brushed off these thoughts and clenched the keys in his fist.
Dean turned over in his sleep, burying his face in Castiel's chest. Castiel fumbled with finding the right key before opening the back-seat door and gently laying Dean down inside of it. Castiel got in the drivers seat and started the car, like he had watched Dean do so many times. But he didn't know how to drive. Hell, he didn't even know one pedal from the other. He experimented with the controls for a second, and backed up out of the parking space.
"So far... so good..." he muttered, going about 10 miles an hour. The car didn't last long under Castiel's care, though. They made it about a mile into the woods before the car backfired when Castiel ran it into a tree. The car wasn't damaged, and Dean still slept soundlessly. Castiel decided to stop driving for the night. He was going to let Dean sleep peacefully.
Castiel settled down into the front seat to wait for the night to finish. He was freezing. His teeth were gritted and grinding down on each other. Since the impala was very old, it had no insulation whatsoever. It was just a casing of metal shielding him from the biting winter air.
He looked back at Dean. Dean was still sleeping, but with a violent shiver. Castiel was very upset at the sight of a vulnerable, freezing Dean. Castiel locked the car doors and shimmied his way into the backseat to share body heat with Dean. That's all this was. A survival tactic. Right...? Castiel squished up against Dean and snuggled close to him. Boy, if Dean knew what he was doing... he would lose it. But the whole "personal space talk" from Dean was much more bearable than watching Dean freeze to death.
Castiel cupped Dean's cheek, which was still wet from tears, with his hand. His cheek was freezing. Castiel was very worried. He slid his hands down Dean's arm quickly, trying to generate some heat.
"Cas...?" Dean mumbled, his voice heavy with the weight of sleep.
"Hello Dean." Castiel answered in a very professional voice, his hands unwavering from Dean's body.
"How did we get here?" Dean asked, ignoring what Castiel was doing to him.
"You fell asleep on my lap at the hotel. I carried you to the impala. You have been sleeping for a good 2 hours, Dean." Castiel answered sheepishly," And then I crashed your car."
Dean shot straight up in the seat, banging his head on the metal ceiling. "You what?!" Dean screamed, despite being only a few inches away from Castiel.
"I am sorry, Dean. The croatoan were swarming. Your car isn't hurt, i just wanted to let you sleep and not try to start it back up again." This seemed to relieve Dean. He sank back into the seat next to Castiel.
"You are one son of a bitch..." Dean teased.
Castiel was confused. He was joking, right? Sarcasm, that's the word Sam uses. That means that he should laugh now. "Ha. Very funny, Dean." Castiel whispered, his lips just inches away from Dean's ear.
Dean let out a tired sigh and snuggled back into Castiel's warmth. "If you ever tell anyone about this... I will kill you, Cas." Dean half heartedly teased, his words getting lost in Castiel's chest.
"Wouldn't dare..." Castiel trailed off, his lips dancing in Dean's hair.
Dean smirked. If Sam saw this...
Oh... Sam.
Dean bit his lip to keep from crying and snuggled closer to Castiel. Cas was the only thing he had left, and there was no way in hell he was going to ever let go of him. Dean's fingers clutched Castiel's trenchcoat, threatening to tear the fabric apart.
As if he could read Dean's thoughts, Castiel murmured,"I'm not going anywhere, Dean."
Dean answered in his low, intimidating voice, "Yeah, well I'm not taking any chances." it would have been more convincing if his voice didn't crack mid-sentence though.
Dean wasn't sure who he was. He was always 100 percent straight. He didn't know what was happening to him. Yet, here he was, snuggled in the backseat of a car with another man. But the thing is, he didn't care. He didn't care what others thought of him, because he could probably beat their asses anyway. He was okay with this.
Damn, I think I love Cas, he thought, before the dark sea of sleep finally drowned him.