'"I am the shadow, the true self!". If only Spoony had realized how literal that was...'
Disclaimer: Persona(s) 3, 4 and related materials are owned by Atlus. The Spoony One and related characters were created and is owned by Noah Antwiler of the Spoony Experiment. I make no money of any sort off this fan-fiction.
This fic is beta-d by ZeroZalazor
Chapter One: An Idiots Journey Ends, and The Fool's Begins.
(Note: Quoted directly from Noah Antwiler's Final Fantasy 10 Review Part 4)
The scene, as with many of the critics reviews, had many familiar elements. The chair, and the blue cyclops robot resting next to it were in pristine condition, barring the zombie sprayed lightly across them, and just about everything on that side of the room shared the stains. Other than that though, the bookcases and other nerdy paraphernalia were basically untouched, not that they were the focus of the scene.
That honor also did not belong to the doubly deceased blond haired man with the suspenders attached to his banana colored vest. It was instead gifted upon a pair of, physically at least, mirrored versions of each other.
Both of them possessed the same long, dark hair and general features, but the standing of the two had several distinct differences. For one, he was considerably more gaunt, and even more pale than his counterpart, if possible. The upright of the two also possessed a pure black ring, that in and of itself possessed a truly malicious aura, but not intrinsically different from the dark figures own presence. Anyone, however, that might have given this dark figure the benefit of the doubt would pretty much have to give up on that the moment he SPOKE.
"I am a shadow, the true self. Everything was better before this became my whole life! Playing games, bitching about movies, do you really call this 'living'? Do you think people who actually watch your shitty videos care about what you think? No. They just enjoy watching you suffer, and now, I'm going to get the people their wish."
Over the course of this speech the Black Lantern had slowly raised his hand, as he became more and more impassioned, and right before it was clear that the man fully intended to blast his clone off the face of the earth the door to the room flew open again, to reveal... A figure in black robes with a giant jack-o-lantern for a head. The dark spirit rounded on the intruder.
"... Just who in the hell are you?"
The dark, bony figure began to dance around the entrance of the room. This was so unexpected that Black Lantern Spoony tilted his head in confusion, and Spoony found himself involuntarily joining the undead mirror of himself.
... This lasted until the spirit, obviously fed up with the oddity, simply blasted it with energy from his ring, causing Pumpkinhead to explode. This caused the Black Lantern to round back on the critic with a snarl, intent on finishing what he'd started. Spoony flinched away, and simply began to speak what came naturally.
"No, wait, wait, please! What happened to us man? This is what we wanted to start reviewing games and movies for this isn't what YOU started reviewing movies for. we did this just for laughs and to make other people laugh, to talk about and share our experiences with bad movies and games; not to hurt people, not to kill people, or rule the world and I want to go back to that..."
(End quotes from: Final Fantasy 10 Review Part 4)
Spoony, having just given a speech to rival the greatest orators on the planet, or the protagonist of a shounen manga, felt pretty proud of himself. Sure that spiel was over the top and needlessly flowery, but that didn't mean it wasn't true! Of course there was some exaggeration, but there was still some honest truths hidden beneath the parable he'd just weaved... And that had a decent amount to do with how deep the Black Lanterns words had stung.
Oh he was well aware of the fact that yes, the internet mainly tuned in to see his pain filled ranting and near incoherent raging at... just about everything , but he didn't hate the fans for that!... He didn't necessarily LIKE that aspect of the job, but when your tag line was 'Because bad movies and games need to get hurt back!', it was kind-of just something he'd grown to accept.
... Or he thought he had. It was readily apparent by what the Black Lantern/ Original/ Whatever-The-Hell-He-Was said, and from his own reactions, that there was quite a bit of resentment that he'd never even really noticed building up, and if something wasn't done pretty fast, he'd end up being a murderous asshole, just like visibly surprised Lantern still standing above him. While he was the one of the first to pronounce the merits of humor in just about any scenario, there wasn't really any sort of joke to bring forward with the almost nihilistic attitude and thoughts that had spewed forth from his twisted mirror image.
And so Spoony had decided to put forth his true feelings. And while pointlessly dramatic, that was who he was! It wasn't really his fault that he still had a large part of the theater still in him! Could you really blame a writer and actor for expressing his true feelings as though he was in a Shakespearean sonnet!?... Well probably there WAS things one could say about rampant overindulgence, he felt it was well deserved.
Now this would normally be the time he ended this with the present full of flash bangs for this very occasion, but he had been on a roll, and the Black Lantern still looked thoughtful. And, unbeknownst to Spoony, this change in thought process would change his life, and make things even MORE complicated than ever before. But considering the lack of omniscience on the part of Spoony, he could be for going along with his feelings, considering he probably could have converted the malevolent sort-of spirit to just about any religion or philosophy of his choice. So, unknowing of the massive storm that was forming on the horizon, the Arizonian finished his speech. But even as he started, there was odd sensation of energy flowing through him, despite having been thrown around by the pseudo-demon.
"But really, aren't we one and the same man? I mean, yeah you're considerably more homicidal then how I get on the worst of days, and I may very well be a soulless clone, but deep down, even if we get fed up with all the crap sent our way, we'll keep going. The fans have wormed their way into our hearts, and in the end, I think that I can say this for the both of us..."
Even as Spoony prepared to say the only words he could think of, the only words that felt RIGHT, he couldn't help but feel a sense of... Deja vu. Like he'd seen this scene before, and like it, but where...
... Eh, whatever. Now was, just like pretty much always, a time to talk.
"... That we are, in the end, two sides of the same coin. That's all we've ever been, isn't it?"
Much to Spoony's shock, and mild terror, the Black Lantern, a dark and more than slightly psychotic mirror image of him, smiled. It wasn't a demented half smirk, an almost Joker-esque slasher smile, or even the smile of a villain who'd just finally defeated his adversaries, but was instead a perfectly peaceful smile. It was the smile of one who'd been carrying the weight of the world on his back, and was smiling now that the burden was gone. And, to an ever increasing feeling of dread, the dark spirit began to GLOW.
Worried that he'd somehow caused the Black Lantern to go supernova, causing the destruction of ANOTHER house, and potentially his death (again, at the end of a Final Fantasy review, almost like these were cursed or something), or equally likely, that he was ascending to his final form, Spoony jumped to his feet ready to go toe to toe with the super powered entity, only to stop just as soon as he'd made it up, just as soon as he'd met the eyes of the dark specter.
Acceptance. There was no other word that could describe the feeling that was held in his mirrors eyes. There was no longer even the slightest hint of malicious intent within the Lanterns orbs. And, seemingly, once Spoony realized this, the reborn dark spirit nodded, and began to float off the ground, to a very notable degree, as the intensity of the light continued to increase.
And Spoony, still overwhelmed by the still increasingly befuddling actions, couldn't even work up a snarky comment as the growing light fully enveloped the floating figure.
... Only to ram straight into his chest. As in literally into his chest. But as opposed to doing what he expected would happen at this action, i.e. turning his torso into chunky salsa, the light was absorbed into his body, and to his increasing bafflement began to spread.
Not that, to his surprise, it hurt. To be honest, it felt rather like the sun on a nice summers day.
... Not that Arizona had many nice days.
... Also forgetting the fact that even if they were more common he probably wouldn't be outside. What would he do? Walk his nonexistent dog?
... And he was still glowing. Why was he still glowing? Questions started to pour in, which meant one of several things.
It could mean that the shock had finally worn off, which was unlikely, seeing as his lightbulb impression didn't seem to be stopping.
He could be having a panic attack, which was... Probable, in all honesty.
... Or he could just be having the same thought process as usual. That was the most likely answer.
But even as he shook his head in an attempt to clear it enough to make cohesive questions, Spoony noticed something.
The ground, or more accurately the gore encrusted bookshelf, seemed to be getting closer.
'Of course.'
That was his last thought before his head went through the bookshelf, sending him into blissful unconsciousness.
Spoony felt movement as he woke up.
Now he was pretty groggy, and even for that there was almost a... disconnect, but he was reasonable sure it wasn't him, directly, that was moving.
Deciding that he was as cognizant as he was getting he opened his eyes.
... To a limo.
That seemed to be driving through the mist he had ever heard of, much less encountered.
The space around him was also extremely unusual. The upholstery was a deep royal blue, that seemed to have an almost hypnotic quality. The ceiling seemed to have glass emblem on it, that glowed a light blue hue. There seemed to be music emanating from... Somewhere. It was oddly calming, and nostalgic in a way he was sure he should remember, even though he was not an expert on classical music.
And there was also a minibar.
But none of that was particularly important compared to the man sitting across from him, with his head bowed. He had a nice suit, with a white handkerchief. The man also had very long, bony fingers, and...
... A nose the size of a small country.
The thing was massive! It look like he could use it for a weapon! Compared to that his bulging eyes seemed downright healthy!
And then, as though waiting for his attention to settle on him, the man looked up fully.
"Welcome.." His voice was oddly melodic, much more cultured than he would have expected. "... To the Velvet Room."
That was... Definitely familiar. But for the life of him he couldn't seem to remember from where!
"Ah..." The man continued to speak, almost bemused.
"It seems we have a guest with a most intriguing destiny.." With that the man chuckled.
... Wait. Guest?
Where was he? The 'Velvet Room'? What was that? And why was he here?
But it seemed the long-nosed man was not going to give him time for his still muddled brain to churn any questions out of his mouth.
"My name is Igor..."
That was helpful.
"...I am delighted to make your acquaintance."
... And that wasn't.
"This place exists between dream and reality, mind and matter.."
That answered where he was, if incredibly cryptically.
"It is a room that only those bound by a "contract" may enter..."
It was a limo, but he followed so far.
"It may be such a fate awaits you in the near future."
... And back to the cryptic comments, only with ominous tint. Because he sincerely doubted the man was referring to something mundane.
"Now then... Why don't you introduce yourself?"
He didn't doubt the man already knew, but this was a courtesy he was being given, so he might as well take it.
"... Noah Antwiler."
This didn't seem like the sort of person to use 'Spoony' with. And he was hoping his head would clear up soon, because even his voice sounded off.
"Hm... I see."
That was the first thing the man had said without any inflection. Weird.
"Now, let's take a look into your future, shall we?"
... This was starting to get weird. And he'd died before.
And then...
... The table STARTED GLOWING. And the light shaped itself into... A deck of cards. Not playing cards, because if that was the case it was only half a deck, and they had a blue and white mask on the back.
"Do you believe in fortune telling?"
Normally no, but circumstances seemed to be conspiring against him.
The man then casually waved his hand over the cards, causing them to arrange themselves in a circle of six, with one card in the center.
"Each reading is done with the same cards, yet the result is always different..."
Igor chucked again
"Life itself follows the same principle, doesn't it?"
He supposed that made as much sense as anything thus far.
His long nosed companion flipped his hand, flipping a card. That he wasn't touching.
It revealed... A tower, being struck by lightning. That obviously wasn't a good omen.
"Hm..."
A dramatic pause. That never signaled anything good.
"The Tower in the upright position represents the immediate future. It seems a terrible catastrophe is imminent."
Not terribly surprising, he had to admit.
"The card indicating the future beyond that is..."
Igor flipped his hand again, revealing another card. This was a crescent moon. Which seemed much less foreboding.
"The Moon, in the upright position."
That was rather matter of fact.
"This card represents 'Hesitation' and 'mystery'... Very interesting indeed."
And back to the foreboding.
"It seems you will encounter a misfortune at your destination, and a great mystery will be imposed upon you."
That brought up a good point.
Where was he going?
"In the coming days, you will enter into a contract of some sort, after which you will return here."
He sounded pretty damn sure of that... But then again he could apparently read the future.
"The coming year is a turning point in your destiny... If the mystery goes unsolved, your future may be lost forever.
His future? Considering he reviewed video games for a living, he didn't think he had much of one to start with.
"My duty is to provide assistance to our guests to ensure that does not happen."
Guests? Plural? Who else had this man kidnapped?
Igor waved his hand, and the cards disappeared.
"Ah! I have neglected to introduce my assistant to you."
His assistant?
Spoony's eyes glanced over to the side, causing him to, for the first time, notice the woman for the first time.
She was wearing a dress with a color very close to the room around her, with blondish-grey hair, piercing golden eyes, and scarlet lips.
... She was also very attractive.
"This is Margaret. She is a resident of this place, like myself."
... She lived in a limo?
"My name is Margaret. I am here to accompany you through your journey."
What journey, exactly? They'd both been very vague about that.
And, as though hearing his thoughts..
"We shall attend to the details some other time."
He'd rather not to be honest.
But before Spoony could raise an objection, his mind grew even fuzzier.
"Until then, farewell..."
And with that, his consciousness faded.
And the car continued off, into the fog.
There was nothing as far as the eye could see, if anything with true eyes ever visited, but blankets of swirling fog. There were many names for this place, C's World, Akasha, and ; to name but a few. Whatever this place would be called was not the purpose for anyone's visitation, however. And, indeed, it was being visited.
While the banks of mist were far too dense to even attempt to make a successful attempt to see great detail at objects within, shadows and shapes were still barely visible. Within the vast clouds a figure appeared, as though suddenly manifested. It seemed to be of a generally human shape, but other than that no features could be made out. The entity did have a definite presence to it, just being near it would be more than enough to feel that, but there was no malevolence from its frame. That was not to say that it had the aura of a moral paragon, but it did not exude evil from its very pores. But the figure was by no means alone.
If such things as directions existed in the plane in its current form, one would say the... Other approached from the front of the humanoid shape. While its counterpart was human, or at least human-shaped, it was not the same. The new arrival did not stride, it oozed. The shape viewable through the fog was ever shifting, almost like an amorphous blob. Shapes not its own drifted in chaotic orbits, whirling around the mass like the moons of a planet. But worst of all its aspects, was the aura it produced. Unlike the figure before it, whose pure power was the most notable feature was the slick, alien feel of the creature. Even without being visible, there was a deep, sinking feeling of madness. Its very existence seemed to prove that there was something hiding in your closet, and it was in everyone's best interest that it stayed there. But moments later, if such a measure existed there, it proved there was something more unsettling than its sheer presence. It spoke.
"So..."
The creatures voice was thousands upon thousands of voices, layered on top of one another. Man, woman, child; those were all there in every pitch and tone possible. It spoke in every language man had ever wrought, and a few more onto that. The voice was not evil, not truly, but it was insanity in its most raw form.
"... It appears that you have cheated, my old friend."
The more human of the two chuckled, and seemed to shake its head.
"I did no such thing. All I did was allow a potential to be realized. And, after all, was it not your intervention that allowed the spirit the freedom to leave? I simply allowed for the connection to go both ways."
The others voice was considerably different. It was much more smooth, but in stark contrast of its counterpart had no tone to its voice at all. It was as though the words came from no one or nothing at all, simply manifesting from the air itself. The chaos seemed to growl at the immensely calm words.
"Be that as it may..." The anthropomorphized chaos could only be described as agitated, the objects in orbit around it picking up in speed in response to its emotions.
"... This is not yet over."
The figure seemed to lightly nod its head in acknowledgment.
"Of that , I am sure. I can, after all, already feel the leakage that is forming from the connection. Only time, however, will show if your actions bare fruit."
With that the human figure turned on its heels and left, vanishing from sight into ever deeper fog within moments. The chaotic mass simply slid into the mist that was, one would assume, behind it.
And the fog grew ever thicker.