Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my original characters, plot, and writing. If I did, the Marauders would have lived long, fruitful lives like it was meant to be. That never happened, therefore I own nothing.

Story Summary: James Potter had a good life. He had great parents, loyal friends and the girl he'd been chasing after for years, which is how it was supposed to be. But things change and now he wants something else. If only everyone else could see it his way. Companion to You've Got to Be Kidding Me.

Author's Notes: Hello all. This is the companion to my other fic, You've Got to be Kidding Me, created because I realized that, in later chapters, I had important events occurring solely from James's point of view. So… this is KM from James's point of view, but there are scenes that you don't see in KM. Also, you don't have to read KM to understand WN, although I would suggest reading both.

Chapter One

Damsel in Distress

"Hatred comes from the heart; contempt, from the head." –Arthur Schopenhauer

James was having a bad day. During the few short he'd hours before breakfast that he'd been conscious, he'd managed to get into a fight with his girlfriend, annoy McGonagall to the point of detention, and destroy the Tracking Charm on half of the Map. The day hadn't gotten any better as it progressed, either. By evening rounds, he decided that he would merely attempting to get through his Head Boy duties without accidentally kill—

He stumbled, lurching forward and just managing to steady himself against the wall before he could fall flat on his face. James looked down; his trousers were— suddenly and unexpectedly— around his ankles. His belt had even been undone. With a quick motion, he jerked the garment back up and spun around to glare at his friends.

"What was that for?" he ground out through clenched teeth. He was really not in the mood for Sirius's childish behavior. Not on top of all the other crap he had going on.

"Damsel in distress down the hall and around the corner," Sirius replied blithely, eyes trained on the Map. He looked back up at James, an almost mocking grin now tugging at his lips. "Isn't that what you're here for, Head Boy Potter?"

James ran a hand over his face and under his glasses, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. "Would it have been too difficult for you to just take care of it?"

Sirius shrugged, still grinning. "Unfortunately, I'm off-duty." He leaned against the wall with an elegance James could never hope to duplicate (which he couldn't pull off anyways, with his hair and all) and crossed his arms. It was an effective way to tell James that he wasn't getting involved, the prat.

"That's not it," Remus said. "Sirius doesn't recognize the girl's name, so she must be a lower year, not on his infamous list. And it's Snape that's... distressing her. We thought you'd like to take care of it yourself."

Brilliant. This was just brilliant. With a weary sigh, James drew his wand out and strode off in the direction Sirius had pointed out, swearing under his breath. He really didn't want to deal with this right now.

"Leave. Me. Alone!"

James rounded the corner just in time to see Snape twist a girl's arm over her head in a way that did not look comfortable, looming over her menacingly. She was at least… fifteen or so and— from what James could see of her— there was only one obvious reason why Snape would have her pushed between his body and a wall.

Subtly, he motioned for Sirius to hang back and Remus to take care of the frightened girl. They didn't want to startle her too badly, after all.

To be frank (hopefully without being crude as well), she was hot. Slightly taller than average, she had long, well-formed legs and the curve of her hips, all the way up to… well… all the way up, would be distracting on the best of days. And that was just her body; he hadn't even seen her face.

"Oi, Snape!" he shouted, attracting both Snape and the girl's attention. Her doe-like brown eyes were wide and she had her bottom lip held lightly between her teeth; she looked scared.

"Potter," Snape snarled. "Black. Lupin." He let go of the girl and took a step away from her to focus on James. She took a shaky breath, letting her eyes drift shut. "This is none of your business."

Like hell. He couldn't believe that snake thought he had the right to— to do this to her.

"I'm Head Boy, Snape." Right. Pull the Head Boy card; that's going to work. But, she was staring at him with large, scared eyes again and he felt like he at least had to try it. "If you're harassing a student, it is my business."

"She's not a student, Potter."

The girl's gaze snapped to Snape, hands planted on her hips and James got his first decent look at her now that her attention wasn't on him and she didn't make him feel like a pervert. Even if his original impression seemed correct and she was near his age and in trouble, he'd never seen her before. She wasn't even in uniform, dressed in Muggle jeans and shirt that only managed to emphasis the— anyways, Snape was right; she wasn't a student.

"That doesn't mean you can harass me, you jerk," she snapped at him. She had a foreign accent, too, probably American. She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. "Jeez."

Definitely American.

The Slytherin took a step towards her, but the girl just continued to glare at him. Brave. Very brave, considering how intimidating Snape could be, but she had managed to attract his attention again and completely counteract what James had done.

He stepped even closer, hoping to distract Snape enough for Remus or Sirius to get her away from him and safe. James forced himself to calm down and let the tension in his shoulders fade away as he fell back into the confident— admittedly arrogant— attitude he normally retreated to when dealing with Snape.

"Leave her alone, Snape," he said firmly. "It doesn't matter if she's a student or not. You shouldn't be bothering anyone like this."

"Who says I was bothering her?" Snape sneered. "Not everyone falls over themselves for you, Potter."

James rolled his eyes, scoffing. "Of course they do. Where have you been for the last six years?"

Snape seethed. He already looked like he wished he could kill James at will, which usually took another five minutes to achieve. James must've caught him on an especially bad day. He smirked.

Good.

"Avoiding you as much as possible," Snape spat out. "I admit it hadn't been easy with the size of your ego."

Boring. James would've thought he'd have better insults at ready after six years of arguing; it wasn't even worth the effort of a proper response. He quickly chanced a glance at the girl. Remus was talking to her, his most reassuring smile firmly in place. He seemed to be taking care of things well enough.

"Of course," James's eyes snapped back to Snape; that tone never meant anything good, "there's always been one person you couldn't get to join your fan club."

"I doubt most people would consider you a person, Snape."

"Lily hasn't been too happy with you lately, has she?" he drawled, completely ignoring James's insult. He smirked over James's shoulder, towards where Remus had taken the girl. "How pleased would she be about her?"

James scowled. "It is none of your business wh—"

Snape jerked his wand up with a clean, sharp motion, forcing James to reflexively dodge the other boy's spell. He spun away from the stream of light just in time to see it shoot towards the girl and Remus. She shoved Remus against the wall and leaned flat against him, keeping both of them safely out of range. Just barely.

The spell left a spider web of cracks in the wall. The girl stepped away from Remus, took a long, disbelieving look at the cracks, and spun back around to face Snape. Her eyes were narrowed and she was glaring at Snape with her hands clenched into fists at her sides. James shifted uncomfortably, backing away from where the carnage would be; he knew better than to get between an upset female and her target.

"You have got to be kidding me!" she snarled, anger seeping into her voice like cold fog. Wisely, Sirius and Remus backed away a step as well. The Marauders were a lot of things, but they weren't stupid. "Are you trying to kill me, you complete idiot?"

Abruptly— like when he'd first figured out how to merge the Tracking and Identifying Charms for the Map— the pieces clicked into place. Sectumsempra. Snape had used his own— Dark magic— and on a— she was a girl! She didn't even have her wand out.

James flicked his wrist, caught Snape's wand, and slashed his own wand up in a short arc. Normally, he liked to use flashier, grander spells and gestures. For one thing, it was a whole lot more fun; for another, there was no reason to draw even more unwanted attention to himself by showing off with difficult nonverbal or wandless magic. This time, however, Snape had gone way too far and James wasn't even thinking.

"That was low even for you, Snivellus." He strolled up to Snape, levitating the upside-down boy until they were eye level with each other. "One does not attack a defenseless girl. Still afraid you can't beat me in a fair duel?"

"You wouldn't know fair if it bit you in your over-sized—"

"POTTER!"

He winced as soon as he heard the first syllable. He knew that voice, and he definitely knew that tone. James watched in what he hoped was a casual way as Lily stalked towards them, trying to ignore the pang of regret and shame that had accompanied her lectures for the past year. He hadn't done anything wrong. Again.

James nodded at her. Maybe he could keep this restricted to their Head duties, without any sort of personal involvement. He glanced at her face; that wasn't very likely. "Lily," he said, trying to keep his voice level. "I just caught Snape here—"

Lily dismissed him with an impatient wave of her hand. "It doesn't matter what he was doing." In that instant James's concentration broke. What? "You have no right to treat anyone like this. It's not right and you know it, Potter."

Sirius tapped James's elbow, thankfully pulling his attention away from Lily's lecture. He jerked his head meaningfully towards Remus and the girl. James frowned. What the...?

The girl had Remus's arms in a white-knuckled grip that had to hurt and her eyes were squeezed shut, face pale and etched with pain. Could a stray spell have— no. Snape had barely started the duel before James had disarmed him. It was impossible unless it had happened before he'd—

"Potter, are you even listening to me?"

He had been—in a way— but James ignored her and went up to Remus, exchanging a worried look with the other boy. The other boy didn't seem to know what was wrong, either, which wasn't a good sign. Due to several… incidents over the years, he'd gotten quite good at emergency first aide (it was a Muggle term Remus had read about, but they'd all liked it). It came with being the best pranksters Hogwarts had ever seen.

"Not now, Lily," James muttered absently as he examined the girl.

"James!"

He turned and gave Lily a stern glare he rarely used. Immediately, her eyes widened and she fell into a stunned silence. That was the first time she had ever seen that particular expression on him, so it wasn't much of a surprise; James had always felt it made him look too much like his father to use regularly. She recovered quickly, though, opening her mouth to say something more, probably continue her lecture.

"Not now!"

Without sparing her another glance, James turned his attention back to the situation with the girl. He motioned for Remus to move her over to him. Remus nodded and gripped her by her upper arms, gently shifting the weight to him instead of the tired werewolf.

Her eyes opened and she blinked up at him in a decidedly bewildered way that caught James off guard, momentarily stunning him. Her pupils were large, surrounded by a thin rim of dark brown, and unfocused. They shut again, her breath catching in her throat as she collapsed against him.

James thought she had passed out, but she moaned softly. Her grip on his shoulders tightened enough to be bruising and she started breathing in the harsh, controlled way that screamed barely controlled pain. He wrapped his arms around her waist, taking most of her weight. Maybe that would be enough to help.

"Tell me what's wrong," he said softly, hoping to calm her.

"Head." She took in another sharp breath. "Chest. Can't breath."

That couldn't be good. He gave Remus a pointed look and jerked his head in the direction of the Hospital Wing. The other boy took off to warn Pomfrey about her new patient.

"Don't worry," he muttered in a hopefully comforting voice as he tried to figure out how exactly he was going to get her there. "We'll get you to Pomfrey and she'll fix you up right off." Her grip was getting looser, maybe she'd relax enough to be able to walk there with a little help. "I just need you to stay awake long enough to get you to the Hospital Wing."

Which was when she fainted. James sighed; this was probably easier, anyways. He grappled with how to best get her to Pomfrey before deciding on the classic way. He picked her up with one arm under her legs and the other around her back, her arm draped around his neck and her forehead resting against his neck, soft breath brushing against his collarbone in a way that made him flush slightly. It was— it was for the best.

James adjusted the weight in his arms. "Sirius, I need you to get Dumbledore."

"Sure." He glared over James's shoulder, where Lily was still fussing over Snape. "What about Snivellus?"

"I will take Severus to the Hospital Wing," Lily responded shortly. James couldn't tell if she was trying to start another argument or not. "Who knows what you lot did to him."

There way he was going to rise to the bait. Now was really not the time for a row; especially not when the weight in his arms was getting heavier. There was a sick girl who'd only experienced Snape's hospitality so far and he... he was entirely too tired of the constant fighting.

"Fine," he said in what he thought was a calm, controlled voice. Sirius arched one eyebrow; perhaps it was a bit too calm. "I have to write him up, anyways."

He ignored her sputtering anger as he walked away. But when Sirius let out a bark of laughter once they were out of hearing range, he let himself smirk.

James paced impatiently in the main section of the Hospital Wing, trying to ignore Lily's glare and the tired looks he was receiving from Sirius and Remus. Lily was furious with him, which really wasn't all that new, but it was starting to get irritating. He didn't understand why she couldn't just trust him.

But what he really didn't understand was why no one was telling them anything. Pomfrey had sent Snape away as soon as she had briskly confirmed that he was uninjured; probably a good idea, considering that James wasn't going to leave without more information and Remus and Sirius weren't leaving without him. Lily was most likely waiting to lecture him.

He sank down into the chair between his friends, covering his face with his hand. Sirius leaned over. "Mate, we can go," he said in a low voice. "Pomfrey'll tell us if something changes and you're knackered."

"I'm fine," he said as he rubbed his eyes.

Sirius gave him a strained look. "You don't even know her."

"Exactly." No one seemed to know her— and if Sirius didn't recognize someone who looked like that, she probably hadn't been around before— but he felt responsible. She'd trusted him.

Sirius sighed explosively, looking like he wanted nothing more than to knock James unconscious and make him rest. Luckily, he was still mostly obedient. To them, at least. "Fine."

"I'm with Prongs on this one," Remus added, getting one of Sirius's glares for his trouble. "I want to know who she is. You didn't see her face, Padfoot; she was scared and confused. I'm not even sure she understood what was going on."

"I said we could stay," Sirius replied sulkily.

They descended into silence again and James tried not to fidget. About ten minutes later, Pomfrey emerged from the private room Remus normally occupied, looking slightly harried. James sprung to his feet as the woman came up to him.

"She's resting, Mr. Potter. You may return to your dormitory."

James frowned. "But—"

"She will be fine." Pomfrey gave him a tired, motherly smile that she'd started to use after the incident with the staircase in third year. "It's just magical exhaustion. You may return in the morning; for now I'd like you to get some rest." Sirius made a triumphant noise and James turned around to glare at him. "Do I have to make that an order, James?"

"No," he replied quickly. James had learned that the definition of 'in the morning' remained much more ambiguous when she didn't give him a potion to ensure that he slept. He frowned as a thought occurred to him. "Did you check for any other injuries?"

Pomfrey gave him a slightly offended look. "Of course I did."

When she didn't elaborate, James added, "I'm asking in my capacity as Head Boy." Pomfrey's eyes widened; he didn't often fall back into his Head Boy status and he'd never abused the privilege, preferring to charm his way through obstacles. It was what he was good at, after all.

"There was minor bruising on her wrists and the back of her head," Pomfrey replied, sounding confused.

"I'll need documentation," he continued seriously. His next statement was really going to make Lily angry, but the nurse needed all the information he had and it was bound to come out eventually. "I... found Snape harassing her. It's how our, um, altercation started."

Pomfrey nodded. "I'll inform the Headmaster."

"Thank you." He rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly uncomfortable with the responsibility. "Um... she won't be up until morning?"

"No."

There wasn't anything more he could do, then. "I'll go, then. Good night, Madam Pomfrey."

"Good night, James. Don't forget to eat something."

Sirius appeared next to him. "Don't worry. I'll make sure he eats."

She gave him an amused look and Sirius grinned cheerily back at her. "Thank you, Mr. Black."

Pomfrey left for the room again, leaving the Gryffindors alone in the Hospital Wing (aside from an unconscious third year Hufflepuff). Sirius tried to guide James out of the door—he was much more willing now— but Lily was standing there, arms crossed over her chest and an upset frown on her face.

"What is your problem, Potter?"

Remus stepped between them, forever the diplomat. "I think everyone's really tired. We should probably—"

"Butt out, Lupin."

Remus winced so slightly James was sure Lily wouldn't have noticed it, but he had and he was tired of the way she treated him and the way she treated his friends (Sirius was understandable, even if he still didn't like it, but Remus and Peter had done nothing to her). He really didn't want to deal with this.

"I don't have a problem, Lily," he replied, letting the exhaustion settle into his voice. "I'm just tired."

"You have always had a problem with Severus, and I don't understand why."

She actually looked confused. Had she not paid any attention at all to anything he'd said to Snape? Ever? "I don't want to talk about this now. I'll explain everything tomorrow, after I get some sleep."

Lily glared at him, regaining her ground. "After you three have time to cook up a good story? I think not."

"Evans," Sirius growled. Neither James nor Remus bothered telling him off about his tone. In this case it was deserved. "Back the hell off."

Flushing angrily, she opened her mouth to reply, but James Silenced her with a wave of his hand. "I'm leaving, Lily," he said in a calm, collected voice. "Get out of my way."

He had never reacted like that to her and it showed in the shock on her face. James removed the spell, but she still silently moved to the side, allowing him to leave.

Author's Notes: This corresponds to the first chapter of KM, so if you enjoyed it then might want to take a look at that one, too. Either way, please review if you read it, especially if you enjoyed it.

Next time in Why Not:

James scrambled over the bed. It just wouldn't do if she managed to get more injured before they'd even left the Hospital Wing. She was lying sprawled on her back, grimacing.

"Are you okay?" he asked again, more urgently.

She sat up, rubbing the back of her head. "I'm fine."

He extended his hand and pulled her onto her feet when she gripped it. Bridget pulled her hand back, blushing prettily as she completely avoided looking at him. He grinned, hoping to relax her a bit. After a few seconds he managed to pull out a smile from her.

"I'm James Potter," he said.

"I know," she replied. Instantly, her blush deepened to a bright red. "I mean, well," she frowned, biting at her bottom lip (it seemed to be a nervous habit), "actually, that's exactly what I meant. Professor Dumbledore told me earlier and I kinda guessed it. I'm Bridget, Bridget Griffins."

James couldn't resist. "I know." When her frown deepened and she almost physically withdrew away from him, he shrugged. "Dumbledore told us last night." He waited for her to start smiling again before he stuck his hand out. "It's nice to meet you."

"A pleasure."