There was a bell chiming somewhere. It was not a church bell nor any type of bell possessing such a deep sonorous tone. This was high and mellifluous and she could just make it out her own pitiful cries.
Her head ached constantly. It was all too much and too heavy. Her joints ached and she was so desperately tired.
Warm hands engulfed her like they would swallow her whole. Something soft brushed her cheek and sent shivers through her. She was almost aware she was being bounced softly. If she had possessed stronger eyes, and hadn't been bawling out into the night, she might have seen a father face memorizing her with exhausted love.
Although she did not know it at the time, she was born again on a sweltering hot summer's day into the once illustrious Hagoromo clan.
At first thoughts were hard to hold, running through her metaphorical hands like water. The pain was harsh and stinging and so she cried. Her last memories before this had been of pain finally, finally, blessedly fading. The world was too bright now, sounds both thunderously loud and hideously muffled and her body was not her body.
Giving herself some credit she would later think that in the grander scheme of things she had handled the situation rather well.
She would attribute her acceptance mostly to preparedness.
While not as devoted as her old Buddhist parents had been she had believed in reincarnation in her previous life.
(she had died. It hadn't been a quick thing. Ugly. Painful. She did not want to think about it. She had known what was coming. There was no use in dwelling on the past. In those long hours alone had she not prepared herself for the inevitable? Once it was clear that no. one. was. coming. to. save. her. Don't think about it. But oh the agony. Slow and long. The pain she remembered so bitterly. It means nothing now, she told herself.)
Once she realized what must hava happened, she calmed herself and ceased her despairing confused cries. She was a baby she understood and so she cried only when she must.
In the long hours she had to reminisce, she tied to push the old memories from her mind. They weren't supposed to be there anyway. This was life anew.
She passed the first few months in an almost meditative state (a greater feat then she had ever accomplished with such techniques before); mourning her losses and trying to just letting it go. Eventually her headaches lessened and her new body grew stronger. She wasn't happy. Not yet. But suffering was something she has spent a lifetime studying and conquering and she knew it will come eventually.
From her crib she observed what she could. This house… this world seemed old. The floors worn thick beams of wood and most of the doors were sliding paper. There was a wind chime outside her window that tinkled in the breeze sometimes.
She finds her new name is 'Yuuko' and it meant something like 'brave child'.
Even before she learned how strange it was to give such stereo-typically male kanji to a female name, she knew it was poorly chosen. (Her old name- no. That didn't matter now.)
She has never been brave in that sensationalized way. Her bravery was silent but sure. It is not a type of bravery she will find to be praised or desired in this new world she has come into.
Crawling granted her new ways to finally interact with this world. And there was so much to explore- a new life to discover. It pushed her to ask questions she had not had the energy to ask before. Where was she? When was she?
The house and the customs of her new family hold many characteristics she knew to be Japanese, old Japanese, in origin (the removal of shoes for slippers at the front door, the sliding paper doors, certain clothing styles ) But there were hints of things more typically Chinese in origin too.
The layout of the house for example; particularly the four sides of the house opening to a small 'Sky Well' type courtyard with a pond in the middle, reminded her a great deal of the old Siheyuan houses she had once studied. The language too was strange. Not quite Japanese, not quite Chinese, not quite Korean. It proved very difficult to grasp.
Her new mother, Takeko Hagoromo, was kind but distant. Like joy had been bled out of her over many years of a hard life. Her new father, Tsubasa Hagoromo, was soft and gentle but often weary. It was her brother, Hayato Hagoromo who was the spark in the family. But none of them are around much in those first few months and she was often passed between those she learned were extended family members. She missed her brother most when they were all away. She had not had a brother before.
She saw herself in a mirror one time and with blurry eyes her reflection looked back. She was tiny with a head of puffy brown hair and overly large molten russet eyes. Her cheeks fat and her fingers and toes so small it was shocking.
Early one morning, light casting through her open window and the wind chime twinkling, Yuuko opened her eyes to see her father leaning over her, hands crossed on the crib railing. He reached out a giant calloused hand to her and gently took her tiny one. He had a wide nose and shoulders and dark molasses eyes. Tsubasa picked her oh so carefully and his kisses tickled with his scruff. Yuuko laughed then. She breathed the crisp air and giggled and was over joyed. Because she was alive. These people loved her and she had a whole new heart with plenty of room for them inside. And she was alive!
Eventually she finds clues that the world here was not as pre-industrial had she had initially believed. On the main floor, in the kitchen, tucked up in a corner near the ceiling was a speaker. Its purpose was elusive to her as it was never on. The house had indoor plumbing but the speaker was the first piece of electricity she'd seen here and it was an odd sight when her mother still cooked on heated coals.
(They were sitting on the cool floor playing a card game she was still learning the rules to when she decided to try asking.
"whay's d'er?" she tried, pointing a pudgy tiny finger up toward the ceiling. Her new voice is high and slightly lisped- words slipping unevenly from an unskilled mouth.
Her brother, sitting on the stone floor with her, twisted his head to see what she was pointing at. He turned back to her with a strained smile. "Why is that there?" he puppet-ed back the correct question to her. He was always did that and she always appreciated it. "It's in case…well. So, that's a loud speaker and all the important houses have one. It only goes off in case of emergencies so if you hear it come-on find mom, dad, or me."
'Emergencies'? Like a fire or earthquake alarm? But Hatayo was standing up and brushing off his pants and collecting the cards. "Try not to worry about it too much! It's just there to help keep everyone safe. It's time for bed anyway, Yuuko-chan. Did you pick out a story for me to read you tonight?" he reached down and lifted her like a feather. She tugged a little on his hair playfully. Hayato was the only one here to really hug her.)
Dying had been painful, sure. Being reborn had been a challenge, true. But the day Yuuko found out where she was, was the truest test of her spirit.
(The morning of her second birthday she woke at Aunt Katsumi's house to the twittering of birds. Similar in style to her own, this house was smaller and eerily empty but for her aunt. Although she must have been only a few years older than Yuuko's new mom, Katsumi was much older in both looks and personality. Her brown hair streaked with a few grays and a perpetually hard set look on her mouth.
Yuuko tried to be a good child for her whenever she had to stay over but Katsumi was the type of person looking for something to complain or scold about. Her aunt dressed her that day in all new clothing; a strange dress that was essentially a longer, more 'dress like', version of a Chinese Chang'ao. It was a soft blue with traditional kimono like trim but it had no obi and was much looser, closing by crossing over and buttoning on her right. The short sleeves, while not something she had ever seen on 'real' Chang'ao, were a blessing the sweltering heat and they were beautifully embroidered with that she now knew was 'their sign'- a dot or circle surrounded by three emanating half circles. The Hagoromo clan symbol.
"Take care you don't get dirty." Aunt Katsumi warned in an irritated manner as she pushed Yuuko's feet into new black hard-cloth ankle boots. "And pick up your things. Your troublesome brother should be by shortly to take you home."
Her brother was sweating a little in the heat and his chocolate brown hair was puffier then normal when he came to fetch her. Aunt Katsumi stood ever grumpy by her side as he walked up and gave a quick bow as she passed Yuuko over into his arms. Situated on his hip, together the two head off down the street.
"Did you have a good time with aunt Katsumi?" Hayato asked half teasingly. Yuuko shook her head exasperatedly. "aways gwumpy" She told him and he laughed, "Always grumpy indeed!"
The houses here were all the same style as hers and they are close together too. There was a wall that ran around them all, enclosing them in. she wondered about sometimes but couldn't think of how to ask about it. Children ran and played in the streets, men walked by carrying baskets of fresh groceries, and every now and then there was a faint swooshing sound that she couldn't pinpoint.
A long haired man came striding quickly along, speaking into some type of radio, and wearing the most outlandish outfit she had yet seen. The top was some strange butchered cut of a yellow patterned Kimono but he was wearing loose yellow and red flower pants underneath and had a huge piece of armor tied to his left shoulder and engraved with the Hagoromo mark. The look was completed by the most ridiculously tall Geta shoes, probably 7 or 8 inches tall. She almost wanted to laugh but people seemed to be quick to get out of his way and even her brother offered a bow as he passed by so he must be important.)
The sliding doors in the house had all been pushed open, trying to tempt in any breeze. The main door had red banners plastered to the sides with beautiful black calligraphy that she couldn't read.
As they passed into the house Yuuko reached a hand out to touch the banners. Hayato stopped and put her down on her squishy feet and he crouched down beside her. He watched as she runs her hands over the characters. "Whas say'in?" she asked, scrunching her face in annoyance with her continued struggles with the language.
"What does it say?" her brother told her kindly, still watching her intently, "They are wishes for your birthday. That one reads 'strength, wealth, victory'. We write them so that hopefully when you grow up you make lots of money and win lots of battles and all that." He wiggled an eyebrow at her as if to say 'fancy yeah?', but Yuuko only frowned. Those were not the things she would wish for. And 'battles'? why battles?
"Why'd a be fight'n battles?"
"Why would you be fighting a battle?" he corrected again but he sounded genuinely surprised. "Don't you want to be a great shinobi for the clan? For the village? Help keep Konohagakure safe from bad guys?" 'shinobi'? Didn't that word mean ninja? What did ninja have to do with anything?
Hayato seemed to misinterpret the look on her face as he scooped her up again, chuckling at her. "Don't worry so much Yuuko-chan! You're going to be a great shinobi! Just like mom and dad. And me of course!" Yuuko wrapped her hands around her brother neck, pondering what he had meant.
As she rested her head on his shoulder her hand fell to the small matte metal arm guard her brother sometimes wore and she traced the metal engraving there thoughtfully. Then her stomach sunk. They were in the kitchen before she realized and her father was at the table speaking in a low serious murmur to an absolutely humongous man sitting across from him.
Her mother stepped away from the fire and was by them in an instant. Takeko brushed a quick kiss to her daughters' forehead and pushed back her sons' hair with a meaningful hand. "Thank you for getting her."
" It was no trouble mother. Aunt Katsumi's house isn't that big of a detour back from the training grounds anyway." He had said 'Konohagakure' but that didn't necessarily mean…maybe that word meant something different. It must. She had already learned that there were characters and words that looked or sounded the same as words and characters from her previous life but with slightly different meanings. 'Konohagakure' must be one of those words. There was no way.
"Come Yuuko-chan. Come meet an old friend of you fathers, Isamu Uchiha-san." U-Chi-Ha? Shinobi? That huge man sitting at the table cast a dark eye on her. She felt a little light headed, the air suddenly too thin.
"So this is your daughter then Tsubasa." His voice gruff and deep. He was wearing a hitai-ate. It had a leaf on it. Her father's tired face lit with a proud smile and the large man crossed his arms against his chest. His arms were big enough to crush her head like a nut cracker. Shinobi. There was a rushing in her ears. Her face felt cold and an uncomfortable heat burnt on her upper lip. She felt sick. How had this happened? Did this happen to everyone when they reincarnated? Ninja. Oh she wanted absolutely no part in any of this.
So welcome. I have no idea what I'm doing posting this as I haven't posted anything on this site for years. Normally I'm strictly a reader, not a writer. Plus I wrote this all on my phone, lost it, and had to rewrite it. But I powered through because this just won't leave me alone. I don't know how long this will be but get ready for politics and cultural exploration galore. Unbeta-ed. Helpful critique is appreciated but please be gentle with me.
Also I want to make clear that I am not Buddhist. I know (and share) some of their practices and beliefs but if I get something wrong please just kindly let me know. I'm doing all kinds of research for this fic (about Buddhism and a bunch of other things too) but I'm obviously not perfect. Far from it in fact.
Inspired by Silver Queen's 'Dreaming of Sunshine', SixPerfections 'Walk on the Moon', but mostly by the crazy awesome AU prompts I saw and thought of for Aleycat4eva's 'Of the River and the Sea'. Credit where credit is due- go check out those authors. I don't own Naruto- only time I'm ganna say it.
Bye.