-1Title: Random Bits 11 - Chapter 1
Setting: A late night blitzball game leaves Auron and his fellow Y's mighty thirsty.
Luca - Bar - After a long evening spent cheering and dodging flying concession stand snacks, the Y's head for Auron's favorite tavern.
Auron faded through Kimahri, who had come to a sudden stop thanks to the low door frame of Winkie Winkle's tavern. Wakka and Tidus followed Auron through a short rain of plaster and towards a table leaving the Ronso to stagger along behind. Wakka snickered as a chair collapsed in a symphony of pops and cracks under Kimahri's weight. Auron chose to ignore what happened next as Wakka gasped in horror, both of them forgetting that Tidus was a minor in a bar in a town with no legal drinking age. The Ronso yanked the chairs out from under the two patrons at the table behind him, drawing Auron and Wakka's attention long enough for Tidus to make a break for the bar.
Mr. Winkle was the typical barman, meaning that he was over weight, poorly dressed (even though his tavern pulled in a small fortune on a daily basis), could polish a glass like nobody's business, constantly sweated, and exuded a faint smell of ham when nervous. And like all barmen he kept a heavy club under the bar for emergencies, could stop a brawl with a few well hurled glasses, had a sixth sense for spotting customers who were 'trouble', and had an amazing memory for recalling who owed what for damages. At the moment he was holding a small notepad where 56gil was already scribbled down for damages to the door frame and one chair. His sweat dotted brows wrinkled slightly in disappointment as the two chairs the Ronso was sitting on held. He absentmindedly slapped down the bar's universal drinks menu (you know, the one that is stained, wrinkled, and so worn it was often used as a napkin) down on the bar.
Tidus stared at the menu in wide-eyed wonder. His eyes were so wide in fact that they were clinging to his eyelashes, desperately trying to stay in his skull. If they had relinquished their tenuous hold and rolled across the menu, it would have helped him read the list of cocktail drinks faster. The boy eagerly read over the list, which contained mysterious and tempting names like The Wrath of Sin, Dark Seduction, The Aftermath, Fiery Flatulence, Yunalesca's Forbidden Delight, Hairy Backside, Secret of Bevelle, Demon's Heartburn, Pink Rapture, Tourist's Suicide, Cosmic Brain Death, and The Burning Bladder.
"Okay, I'll take three beers and…" and the next thing he knew a waitress had sent him back to his table with a cold glass of milk and a pat on the head.
"Don't make that face," Wakka said, cheerfully slapping the crestfallen youth on the back. "Maybe in a few more years…" The former Auroch's captain was cut short by the sardonic glare Tidus shot him, pointedly alternating his gaze between Wakka and a ten year old girl who happened to be on her second mug. The Islander stammered as he mentally dug out the little used chest of Reasons Why You Shouldn't Drink When Everyone Else Is. He shoved the lid back and began hurling responses left and right.
So far all the reasons were lame and only some of them were mildly intelligent even by college age brother standards.
Growing weary of Wakka's pathetic attempts at a reasonable response, Kimahri stepped into the conversation with all the eloquence Ronso's could muster.
"Milk good. Make strong like mountain." he rumbled, thumping his chest with a meaty fist. In this game of Dealing With Teenagers, Kimahri chose to counter Tidus' Moody Miffed Teen Card with the very tricky Teen Ego Card. Cards on the table he waited to see if the boy would accept the load of Shoopuff Droppings.
The Ego card is difficult to play because it is different for every person, but it's every male's dream to be big and strong. This is a fact that can be seen as early as age three, all the boys standing in the play yard with their arms curled for inspection. Each baby fat bicep is thoroughly inspected by the time proven test of squeezing, which also works for vegetables. The boy with the fattest arms most certainly has the biggest muscles and also can run the fastest, eat the most, pee the farthest, and pick up the smallest girl for three seconds.
Up until a little common sense settles in most boys will to anything that other boys say will make them stronger. Some of these strengthening techniques are eating various insects, licking strange amphibians at midnight while standing naked under the porch light on a Sunday, cutting off one pig-tail from five little girls during class, and rubbing themselves with homemade tonics made from the various ointments and mysterious unmarked tubes and bottled liquids in Grandpa's medicine cabinet. Since Tidus had a pretty big Ego the card worked in Kimahri's favor.
Tidus considered the glass of milk, his Ego prodding him not to miss the possibility that this might actually be true. Big cats drank milk and they were some of the most powerful predators. Kimahri still drank milk and he was huge. It had to be true. He slowly pulled the glass of milk towards him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tidus slammed the glass down on the table, rattling the six other empty glasses around it. He had a small crowd of onlookers who all wanted to see how much milk the boy could drink. Sure, they had seen other patrons in drinking contests drink themselves into inebriated oblivion, but a drinking contest with a non alcoholic beverage was unusual. They weren't just there to see how much lactose one stomach could tolerate, but to see just how big a milk mustache could grow. Around glass four Tidus had surpassed mustache and was working on a full beard.
While Tidus was entertaining his fans, Wakka was keeping an eye on the opposite end of Winkle's, where two drinkers were locked in a contest, glaring at each other tensely over a mound of shot glasses. The Blitzball captain casually rose and made his way to the tap, where Auron (playing on his Legendary status) was filling his jug. Winkle had unhappily shuffled to the store room for a second barrel, making sure to mark up the price of beer for Mr. Legendary. Wakka nudged Auron and waggled his eyebrows at the contest.
"No." Auron said to Wakka's pleading eyes. "I refuse to use my status for personal gain." Wakka gave him a cynical look and glance at the beer flowing from the tap.
"I don't see anyone else drawing their own beer."
"Fine."