Title: Addiction
Character(s): James. P + Lily E/P.
Summary: They say all drugs change you - maybe they do. Oneshot.
Notes: Oh my god, this is so long over due, I am so, so sorry people! This was originally for the L/J Christmas Fest challenge, but I think it's kind of a... belated christmas present? Anyway, I've been messing with different styles, pleeeeaaassseee tell me what you think in a review, after all, everyone loves Lily/James pairing right? Thanks for 'MissingMommy' my beta-reader for picking up on any of my mistakes!
Merry Belated Christmas 'Forever-Siriusly-Sirius!' hope you like this Liza, and I'm so sorry it's late!
Warning: Includes swears.
Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think that it does.
Love is a battle, love is a war; love is growing up.
~James A. Baldwin
One
It starts with a glance. And it's always just that - a glance. A glance that shouldn't mean anything but does.
Two
Those secret glances though, they mean the world to him. They're so addictive, and James doesn't ever stop to think of the consequences, because he simply has to see her again.
He's like an addict, going back to his drug time after time, growing more dependent as the days go by. Didn't they ever teach Hogwarts students - allow them to learn - that drugs don't always react the way they're wanted to?
Three
Soon he's so dependent on her that all he can think about is her, and her scarlet coloured hair; or how vividly emerald her eyes are. He wants to give her up. Dear god, how much James would give to stop thinking about her, but he can't because he's fallen too far.
James isn't even sure he wants to get up anyway. After all, Lily's a keeper. Well... Alright, he might not have her to love, to cherish, but he really wants her, and he'll never give up on her. Ever.
Maybe he can learn to be her friend, just so that he can make her smile and laugh, but those glances are so addicting and -
"Just one last time, honestly."
- and it's so hard to suddenly stop, isn't it?
Four
Maybe it's a bit insane, because to start off with, James didn't even like Lily. She was a know-it-all, who was friends with a Slytherin, so what was there to like? But somehow, James seemed to fall in love with her.
Sometimes James thinks it was when he saw her crying, (so vulnerable, but still so beautiful) that time at the end of fifth year that he actually fell in love with her.
Sixth year changes his view point of the world - but maybe it isn't James actually growing up, maybe it's because Lily's given him glasses that actually let him see through the fucking cracks for once.
Either way, James stops pranking people every five seconds, (he's got a new drug remember) and he gets on with classes - everything she'd want him to do.
((They always say drugs change you))
Five
While James changes into a better person, for Lily, Sirius and Remus worry, (Peter's out in the deep with the Death Eaters, doing god-know-what).
James finally hands in essays, and homework, and the looks he receives from everyone shout out, 'What the fuck?!'
He smiles calmly, and glances at her again - she doesn't see though, because well, it's a secret (sssh!) - before giving his professor's sheepish grins and sitting down at his desk.
But then Sirius hooks up with some brunette Ravenclaw 'bird', and Remus gets a girlfriend called Dorcas Meadows - (''What a lovely girl that Dorcas;'' ''Perfect in so many ways, that Dorcas Meadows, she is.'') - who is the nicest Hufflepuff James has ever met. James soon becomes envious of his friends though, after all, he wants what they have, but with her.
Everyone around him seems to be snogging someone and James can't stand the feelings inside, he just needs to get away for a moment to be able to breathe. So he does, he leaves -
((They always say drugs mess with your emotions))
- And no one watches him as he goes.
Six
Soon, without even realising it, those glances aren't enough anymore, and James needs an even higher dosage of his drug than he already has, (period/full stop)((Doesn't he know that drugs are so expensive these days?))
He starts wanting to know more about her, and so he memorizes her schedule, and he hides in broom closets just to listen to her voice when she stops to talk with her friend Michael, (James would be jealous... but well, Michael's gay,)
Lily never seems to be more alive than when she's laughing, and James can't help but fall for her all over again. He keeps running back to his addiction, just for the thrill.
~My name is James Potter - I've been clean from my own drug for twenty-four hours now - Oops, nope, just scratch everything I've just said! Ha!~
One day, Sirius finds him in one of the broom closets, when James is sat, listening to his angel's voice - and he goes and asks James what's wrong. But the James confesses that nothing's wrong, and that he just likes hearing Lily laugh. Sirius frowns -
"That sounds a little stalker-ish - you've got a problem mate. Seriously just forget this little game, give up on the girl for Christ's sake!"
- and he tried to get James to leave. James wants to scream, and yell, but he ends just struggling against Sirius' strong arms, muttering about how he doesn't have a problem at all, and 'why isn't it bad to like hearing someone laugh?'
Then Lily opens the door to the broom closet -
"Oops, forgot a silencing charm..."
- and gives both boys a death glare. Sirius smirks up at Lily, and says something about how James is stalking her, but James is too entranced by her beauty to speak.
((They always say that drugs can cause obsessive behaviour.))
Seven
It only gets worse - Remus and Sirius try to help him - but James' addiction had gone on far too long, and it only progresses further through his seventh year. Though Lily got payback for that 'Stalker' -
"Stalker's such a mean word - I'm merely observing her."
- incident, James is still so very much in love. What's even more terrible is that James has to go on rounds with her now, alone, and she's given him a chance at friendship.
He doesn't want friendship though - he wants a relationship. He wants to push her up again the wall and trail kisses down her neck, and... but he can't because the woman holds the power in the relationship, and Lily doesn't want anything romantic to do with James.
Just thinking about that fact makes James a little less sane inside. Maybe he's already lost all of his sanity anyway, because well, his friends keep saying he had issues, (which he obviously doesn't) and Lily's friends are telling him that she's not interested and that he should back the fuck off (which he obviously won't.)
And then there's the Slytherins who are offering him a place with the Death Eaters, promising to keep Lily safe if he joins, (and James must be completely off his rocker to even contemplate joining Voldemort. But he does think about, because it'll keep Lily safe,) and maybe James had snapped, because he's not even thinking clearly anymore.
So without thinking about the consequences -
"I know something you don't Evans!"
- he kisses her.
((They always say drugs make you impulsive.))
Eight
Lily avoids him after that - and James knows he's lost any chance at loving her forever. Loving her with the knowledge of knowing she'll love him back, snatched away from his eyes.
((They always say drugs cloud your judgement))
Nine
One day on their rounds, when James is too quiet -going through withdrawal they say- and Lily's avoiding eye contact, she calls him a 'insufferable bastard.' James knows he should, but he can't resist and so he replies -
"Maybe so, but I'm YOUR insufferable bastard."
- While turning to her. He just a victim, (honest!) and he can't help but relapse. He's about to ruin everything again, about to kiss her again, ruin his chance at ever getting her to contemplate friendship again,
when she kisses him.
((They say every hit is different, did you know?))
Ten
It starts with a glance - always starts with a glance.
It ends with a kiss, an addiction and a love that will never fade.
((They say all drugs change you - maybe they do.))