Above Words – A Royai One-Shot
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA… It is annoying to constantly write that… .
Spoiler: There are spoilers from the manga approx. around Chapter 52 and then onward…
Above Words
"What a funny concept love is… That it should be so powerful and yet fall to the will of a man with no concept of it…"
Colonel Roy Mustang lay musing on his bed. After only moments ago having heard of the list of transfers, all he could think to do was sprout his thoughts as they came. Of course, he had to acknowledge Bradley's tact in sending everyone away.
What good is one man alone in the dark…?
Strange how he thought of that now, alone in the dark of his bedroom with one arm draped around his eyes. It was the far better option than the alternatives.
If he kept staring at the ceiling, the soft lights from outside would gently invade. Then his restless mind would conjure up images that would only remind him of his condition. At one point, the soft glow from the candles outside would morph into the frames of those he trusted. It was not always people but symbols that would wreck harm on his mind. Simply knowing that some light was seeping into his room felt strange to him. Starting tomorrow he would be without anyone to understand. And yet, there was this light as if telling him that all is not lost.
Oh how a man can turn philosophical when he is desperate…
Sleep would only take advantage of his doubt and make him dream of images that would only distress him more. It was unheard of that, at this moment, dreaming memories of a full office would be more painful than reliving what he had seen during the war. Then again, the conclusion to the war was welcome. This… was not. Even closing his eyes for a split second would remind him of many things: that mission to capture Bard, the first showdown with Scar, and other things. Everyone was there and ready to work.
But not for very long…
He sighed. Of course he'd bring up Hughes again. Every lost is terrible in the fight Roy was in. After all, they had nothing to do with him because it was always involving someone else. He couldn't help but wonder what sort of dooms would await his subordinates:
Havoc, of course, would never be the same again. Being sent away pales in comparison to never being able to walk again. Just how will a man like that survive? There was strength in him despite the fact that he wasn't as smart as others. Oh and such the lovelorn fool! How will things go for him now? I can only wish the best and hope that the next girl will see more than just a man in a chair.
Fuery, that timid guy, might be overwhelmed. Anyone in Southern Headquarters could take advantage of his inherit goodness. He has helped us so many times with his knowledge in communications technology. That mission involving Barry could've ended badly if we didn't have him. And for more thank one reason…
Falman… Now I can't ask him random bits of information. Oh, he has always been a good sport on that. Now, headed to the north I hope he doesn't get too cold…
Breda can take care of himself. He's a smart guy. The west might not be as bad. As long as he keeps that attitude of his, then I'm sure he'll live to see everyone again. Those in Western Headquarters better appreciate the hard work he puts in. Anyway, I have the utmost faith in him over there. We'll meet again some day and all he'll do is joke about how much he did there on his own. Figures, the showoff…
Ah but then, there's the one who closest of all and not just by position and relocation.
He had to pause. This part was what he wanted to avoid. To think back on the many memories he shared with the Lieutenant would be torture for him. Everyone he can mourn the loss of with a safe enough distance. How can you remain stoic for one of the few people who have known you through the worst? How can everything be ok when someone snatches that special person right from under you? Will he be able to deal with it? Obviously not if this is what happens.
Just how many years can I place in our friendship? I never really focused on that as much as what has happened during all those times that we've been together. I didn't know what to make of it at first. The poor daughter to a talented alchemist. That was all there was to it at first right? I went out in search of knowledge and she just happened to be there…
And what is she doing right now…?
Before I knew it, I had no problem calling her by her first name. Riza… I never thought I'd want so much to be able to call her that again. Now we have placed that barrier in front of us. We can't go back to that so easily no matter how much I may wish it. My heart never hurt so much than when she confessed to me all her sorrows. She blames herself for the mayhem in Ishbal. That cannot be true. All she did was place her trust in me and it was I who made things turn out the way that they did. But she followed me. Sometimes I fear that the only reason is to keep an eye on me. After all that has come to pass, it would be death itself to realize that it is only duty that drives her forward.
But is that right?
She has done too much to make me doubt our friendship, for I dare not place it more tender words. She is not afraid to point out my faults, to protect me… to cry for me. I thought I was dreaming when she was crying. The loss of blood is getting to me… That's what I thought. But, when I saw how crushed she was when I talked her down, I realized how true those tears were. Luckily Havoc intervened or else I would not have been able to keep up the fabricated stance for much longer. But now... How can I prepare a strong front for her? I'm terrified like I've never been before. The personal assistant to the president? You've got to be kidding me!
He turned towards the window, having realized that he sat up so abruptly in his anger. It seemed like it was finally settling in fully. Someone he cared about dearly was now going to be used as a shield. Anything he did would jeopardize her safety. It was enough to make him back down, if he were a weaker man. No, he'd have to read softly and trust in Hawkeye's own strength to protect herself.
For now that's all I can do…
"I hope I did the right thing by telling Edward about Ishbal…" Riza stood in the doorway as she waved goodbye until Edward turned a corner. After closing the door again she went straight to her bed and lay back on her pillow. Just talking about everything once again just stole away her energy. So many lives and she had her own personal death toll. It was a number she could never be proud of. In her more vulnerable moments, she has often wondered how she keeps going…
As if the answer wasn't clear enough…
She wants to see him pull through. If even for her own satisfaction, she would like to see that man fulfill his dreams. He deserves that much and then some. Although she has to admit that it hurts to stand idly by while someone you care about willingly puts his life in danger. Never mind the fact that it is something I do for him… With a sigh she arranged herself more comfortably on the bed. Much like the eve before battle, Riza was concerned with the eve before she must submit her freedom to that homunculus. Since Armstrong was in the car with them after everything had happened, they had not gotten the chance to seriously discuss the matter at hand. Yet, there was always that silent conversation between them. But maybe it was supposed to be like that…
"The bond we have, though friendship is the only safe way to put it, is simply above words… A hidden connection…"
Riza sighed and buried her face in her pillow. I really am hopeless… Here I am reciting some cheap substitution for poetry… I succumb to what fate has dealt me. Tomorrow I will have to go to work in a different office, with different people, and with that man nearby. He'll be watching me, I can feel it. There won't be a moment that goes by where I won't feel that icy stare just waiting for the right moment.
She took a deep breath and went to turn off the lights in her apartment. There was no sense in dwelling on it now. Now was the time to be alert to those gazes and try to find some way to help him from afar. Logically she was in the best position to do so but it happened to be the most dangerous as well. Riza crawled into the covers and started to drift away to sleep. By the time Hayate took notice and jumped onto the bed with her she was already asleep… in a world where happiness existed and didn't taunt her by being so close but beyond grasp.
Among the noises present in Central on those evenings when it seemed that despair would overtake a person, if one listened closely enough, they could hear the faint whisper of determination of two souls. Two souls tied together by fate would be vowing…
"I'll keep going for that person…"
The End
Author's Notes: Wow, it's been a while since I wrote something. Being a senior in high school can be tough with all that college work and extra classes. Here was another of my Royai One-Shots because I still love this couple so much! - I understand that it sucks because I've been away from the fan fic writing for a bit (even before I realize I wasn't perfect… Sorry, I always catch myself when I say/type something that can be interpreted differently). So review and any criticism would be much obliged while I think up of another One-Shot or another story… or perhaps drabbles. I haven't taken a whack at those yet… I dunno, we'll see. Take care everybody!
Blood Aura