Title: Completely Straight
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author: Dignified Madman
Pairing: Sirius/James
Rating: Mature
Word count: 1437
Summary: Sirius Black has recently been kicked out of his parents' house. He has been living with his best mate James Potter. Sirius gets bored, and we all know that always leads somewhere. Sirius/James smut :)!
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They are the property of J.K. Rowling.

"Prongsy, I'm bored."

James looked up from his quidditch magazine. "Well, Pads, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know," Sirius whined. He was sprawled out across his bed; his head at the base and his feet at the head. He looked up at James from upside down.

"I can't help you then, mate," James said. "Why don't you read a book or something?"

"Oh Merlin! You sound just like Moony," Sirius said with a laugh.

"It was just a suggestion," James said, getting defensive.

"A very Moony-like suggestion. Next thing I know you'll be telling me to do my summer homework."

"Well, actually, summer is nearing an end and we should ensure we have our academics up to date," he said in a Remus-like voice.

"Blimey!" Sirius said, chortling, "You sound just like him! Do it again."

James put on a serious face, "I don't much care for your childish games, Sirius. Now if you don't mind, I'm trying to read." James lifted the magazine up to his face, pretending to ignore Sirius, who was in stitches.

"Brilliant! Bloody Brilliant!" he managed to shout-out. "Aw man, I miss Moony. Never a dull moment with that guy."

"Life of the party, that one," James joined in the laughter. "So what do you want to do?"

Sirius sat up, "I haven't had a good shag in a while."

James raised his eyebrow, "Thanks for informing me. Now what do you want to do?"

"Want to shag?"

James blinked a few times, "W-what?"

"You know, shag, get your oats, copulate," Sirius said casually.

"You're joking right?"

"Nope," he had a grin plastered on his face. "It's fun. Besides, it beats wanking off."

James looked at Sirius, scanning for any hint of a joke. Sirius appeared, well, serious.

"No. Absolutely not!"

"Aw! Why not?"

"First of all, I'm straight—"

"So am I!" Sirius interjected.

"No, you're not."

"Okay, you're right. But still! I have a healthy appetite for girls as well."

"Secondly, you're my best mate—"

"Even better!"

"Thirdly, my parents are home—"

"Perfect! We can use magic to clean up without being detected. We can also use a silencing charm so your parents don't hear us."

"Fourthly, I'm straight—"

"Hey! You've already used that one!"

James ignored Sirius, "I'm completely straight."

"You can't be completely straight. It's just not possible."

"Yes, it is."

"Fine," Sirius said, compromising, "you can top."

"Exactly— Wait, what?" James had tuned out everything after 'fine'.

"I said, 'I'll let you top.' And you should feel honoured, too. I usually don't let people top."

"Oh, Sirius, I feel so honoured."

"Good! I knew you would come around."

"Hold on minute. I didn't agree to anything— what are you doing?!"

"I'm getting ready," Sirius said as he removed his shirt.

"But I didn't agree to anything!"

"That's what they all say," Sirius said, unbuckling his belt, "but they all come around in the end."

"Sirius, I'm not going to— who's 'they'?"

"Ah, Jamesy, I don't shag and tell." He removed his pants, and put them on the bed. "Prongs, you might want to remove your clothes, too. Or, would you rather I remove them for you?"

"I told you, I'm not going to shag you. I feel dirty just saying those words."

"Prongsy, loosen up" - he was now stark naked - "here, we'll even go on my bed. Look, I'm being very generous. You're practically getting royal treatment!"

"No. No. No."

"Yeah, but James—"

"No!" James crossed his arms firmly over his chest. Sirius gave James a strange look; it was almost as if he was contemplating something. "What?!"

Sirius' answer was a devilish grin.

"What?!"

Sirius got up from his bed and paced around the room, not even bothering to cover up his bits.

"No, Sirius. No. No. No. N—" he would have continued 'noing' but Sirius lips muffled the sound.

Sirius pulled back and examined James' reaction. "So, Prongsy, your lips say 'no no' but your bits say 'go go'."

James gaped at Sirius before putting a pillow over his lap. "No," he squeaked, "Never."

Sirius sat his nude-self on James' bed, "Why are you so against this?"

"I'm straight. Completely straight."

"That's not going to work on me. If you can't give me a legit answer in the next minute, I'm going to take that as your consent."

"I don't agree with that!"

"Tick, tick, tick," Sirius said, looking at James' clock.

"Well—I—Er—It's not—" James could not think of an excuse.

"Yes Prongs?"

James muttered something inaudible.

"Did you say something?"

"I'lldoit," he muttered.

"What?"

"I'll do it," his cheeks started to burn red.

"Yeah!" Sirius exclaimed as he practically flew onto his bed. He grabbed his wand from his bedside table, and pointed it towards the door, "Muffliato."

James could feel himself going hard in response to Sirius' excitement.

"Prongsy, I'm waiting for you," he said, thrusting his arse in James' direction.

He grudgingly got up from his bed, and hesitantly removed his clothes. As if to prolong the inevitable, he began folding his clothes.

"Just leave 'em," Sirius said irritated. "You're just going to put them on again in ten minutes."

James put the clothes down, and slowly manoeuvred his way to Sirius' bed. He placed himself behind Sirius, and grabbed his hips.

"What the bloody hell do you think you are doing?" Sirius growled from below.

"Um," James said, utterly confused, "I'm doing what you asked …"

"I may be bored, and need a good shag, but I don't want to go to St. Mungo's with bleeding hemorrhoids," he grunted, sitting back. "There's lube in the top drawer of my bedside table. Use it. Use loads of it."

James rolled his eyes and opened the top drawer. He took out a purple bottle and held it up. "This it?"

"Yup."

James squeezed a generous amount of lube onto his hand and lathered it over himself. "Is everything to your liking, Mr. Black?" James' voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes, Mr. Potter, you may proceed," he wiggled his arse at James.

James sighed, and grabbed onto Sirius' hip. Sirius turned around abruptly and pushed James back onto the bed. "What are you doing?"

"Shagging."

"No, I mean, what are you doing?"

"Shagging, now move your legs."

"W-what?"

"This is why I can't trust you to be on top." Sirius said as he roughly pushed James' legs into a butterfly position.

"What? But you said—"

"Prongs, you're too much of a coward to get penetrated, and you're not coordinated enough to be on top."

"Hey! Hold on a minute—"

"What? You know it's true. Now stop moving your legs!" Sirius pushed James' legs back down. He positioned himself over James' cock, and lowered himself; the cock sliding its way through the tight ring of muscles in Sirius' arse. He eased his way down, adjusting as he went down. "You could never pull off that grace." He slowly started riding James, happy with the position.

"You have about as much grace as a Hungarian Horntail."

"Sod off!" Sirius said, slamming down onto James.

"You slut!"

"Tart!"

"Whore!" James arched his back, thrusting upwards, causing Sirius to be thrown off balance.

"Slag," Sirius muttered as he regained balance.

"Poofter."

"That doesn't really work in this situation," Sirius said, pausing.

"Oh, shut up!" James said, thrusting up again.

Sirius shifted back into position again, "And that is why you're lying on your back. No technique, at all." Sirius smugly tossed his hair out of his face. He placed his hands on James' hips, and moved up and down along James' cock. He increased his pace until he was comfortably riding James.

James moved his hips in sync with Sirius's movements. He placed his hand around Sirius' cock. He ran his hand along Sirius' length.

"Fuck, yeah, James," Sirius moaned. "I guess all those nights wanking off to Evans has paid off."

"Sirius!" James called out, shocked. His brain instantly was filled with images of Lily Evans, thanks to his best mate. The thought of the green-eyed witch and the motions of Sirius caused James to reach his climax. He arched his back and came hard into Sirius.

Sirius was rocked by James' movements. He gasped sharply before he came as well. The hot sticky liquid flowed over James' fingers, and both boys' lower stomachs. They both slumped back, panting.

---

"Oy, Prongs," Sirius called as he checked over the cleaning spell he just used on the bed, "You still think you are straight?"

James looked up from buckling his belt, "Yes. Completely."