I'm not a hero

An introspective (I've always wanted to use that word) view from tails.

I wish I was an actual hero.

Well that's not true. I wish I was recognized as a hero.

Well, that's not true either. I don't want to be recognized as a hero. I just want to be known.

Just once, I wish someone would come up to me and ask for my autograph, or thank me for saving them, or something.

Just once I'd like to NOT have them come up and ask for me to get then Sonic's autograph.

Just once I'd like for someone to thank me for everything I've done. For all my sleepless nights I've had working on theoretical physics, jet engines, and Pure Chaos.

Just once I'd like someone to thank me for the work I've done.

But that doesn't happen.

My own friends don't even pretend to listen to me anymore.

My own friends don't even talk to me. They don't listen to me. They don't pay attention to me. They just don't care.

Okay, that's also a lie. They do sometimes talk to me, not often, but they do. And they also pay attention to me, just as often as I would like.

I guess they do care.

I just wish that they understood me. Regardless of whether I'm talking about something mundane or theoretical physics.

I wish they would pretend to.

But they won't. All my friends just leave the room when I, as Sonic calls it "speak geek'.

I wish they could stay and pretend to be interested. What I'm telling them in that minute is things that have taken me hours or days to work out.

Don't they understand that I'm not telling them so that they understand, but so they realize how much I had to do?

I know they already think I'm invaluable, but I want to reassure myself of that.

I know that's illogical, but it's what I need.

I must always have a purpose, for without one I'll fall back into my life before Sonic. Just a monotonous experience of lows and more lows where nothing matters because it all leads to nothing.

I strive to keep my purpose, not for them, but for me.

I know it's kind of self-centred, but, it is helping them after all.

I only work on what they need anyway.

I know they my friends care for me.

I know that my friends would do anything for me.

I know that my friends are my friends

But I just wish that they would show it.

I wish Sonic would spend time with me.

I wish that he would listen to what I say, even if he doesn't understand much of it.

I wish that all my friends would recognize what I've done for them.

But I know it isn't going to happen.

It isn't going to happen because they don't care enough, they do.

It isn't going to happen because they don't notice me, they do.

It isn't going to happen because they have something better to do.

No it is going to happen because I'm too much of a freaking wussy to go up to them and ask for their help.

I'm too much of a wuss to ask for their attention.

I'm too much of a wuss to tell them that I need them to listen to me.

I'm too much of a wuss to tell them that I can't handle the media crews that keep on bothering me.

I'm too much of a wuss to tell them that I am loosing myself.

I'm too much of a wuss to tell them that I lonely.

I'm too much of a wuss to tell them that I spend all my night curled up with tears in my eyes.

I'm too much of a wuss to tell them that I need anything.

I'm too much of a wuss to be recognized by them.

But they still do.

For all that they don't do, they still do the one thing that matters.

They are my friends, and they stay my friends.

It doesn't matter if I break down and cry, or if I finally tell them that I need them, or if I mess up badly and need their help.

Because they will always be there for me.

They will be there as soon as I ask them for help.

But I don't.

I can't.

I'm too scared.

Even though I have nothing to be scared of.

No matter how much help I need, I will never ask.

Because I'm too cowardly to ask for their help.

And I wish it wasn't so.

But it is.

And I must live with that.

I have no idea where this came from. But I hope someone out there likes it.