Impossible
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Pairing: Olicity
Summary: "I couldn't save her," his voice is rough, and the only defense against his guilt is rising concern.
Disclaimer: Own nadda.
Authors Notes: My take on who ends up in the grave. Lots of angst!
He doesn't realize he's crying, not till his trembling hand feels the drop of water urging him to swipe the moisture building behind his gaze. He's been sitting in a state of flux for too long and when the room comes back into focus he catches himself in the reflection of the window, his silhouette mingling with the vibrant lights of the city below. So much life and yet he can't see past the death and tragedy clawing to break free from the shadows.
A key turns in the lock and a moment later soft footsteps break the tense silence but he can't bring himself to turn around. Darhk hasn't won yet but the vice like grip around his heart says the man isn't far off victory.
"It wasn't your fault."
On some level he knows it's the truth but the gravestone burnt into his memory defies reason. Everything has changed and the only thing he's sure of is that the loss they've all suffered will be avenged. He's willing to gamble his life on the odds, whether they're good or not. "I couldn't save her," his voice is rough, and the only defense against his guilt is rising concern. They've all been through hell but as much as he wants to latch onto the tentative forgiveness it isn't that simple. "I tried... you have to know that I did everything I could-"
"I know."
The words are final slamming into his chest like hardening cement and he finally breaks, tearing his gaze away from the world outside. Nothing about this is fair but he forces himself up needing to face the one thing he's most afraid of; losing her.
"She was your mother Felicity." He watches her flinch but doesn't stop, he can't. "Get angry... kick me out out, tell me that I should have saved her over you." The plea is raw with emotion begging her to end it.
Because honestly he doesn't know if he can live with her pain weighing down his guilt. "It's okay..." the words are quiet, resigned to the truth, "it's okay to hate me." He wouldn't hold it against her if she did, not for a second. He made his choice and now they both have to find a way to live with it.
"I can't-" her hand flies to her mouth stifling a sob. Part of her wants to lash out, to place blame wherever she can but he was faced with an impossible decision. There was no right or wrong and she's lost too much in the space of a few short days. She can't bear the thought of getting through this without him. "Please... I can't lose you too."
He knows he shouldn't react but seeing her pain sparks a primal urge deep and he drives forward pulling her into his arms. It goes against everything mentally prepared himself for but it doesn't matter, he doesn't let go. "You won't, I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here."
There's every chance that when the grief wears of she'll come to resent him but he almost lost her and the feeling of her body pressed against his is like an answered prayer. He won't apologize for his actions, he can't. .. because even if she does end up hating him at least she'll be alive and the consequences -no matter how painful- pale in comparison to the alternative.
"I'll always be right here," he whisperers the words knowing he doesn't deserve this but stealing every moment for what it's worth.
It could all be gone tomorrow, destroyed by Darhk... and if not him then by their own warring emotions. Sometimes it feels like their life is a battle, an impossible victory, but the light in their relationship gives him hope. Somehow it manages to keep the shadows at bay and no matter what happens, as long as they have that, there will always be something worth fighting for.
Something to reach for beyond the impossible.