Session One: Sanzo
Katana: This MAY be a oneshot, unless people like it…I wrote this…2 years ago? It's pretty old, but I never got around to typing it…GOMEN NASAI!! The Disney references are from my other Saiyuki fanfiction where the gang goes to Disney…that tells you who old this really is…
"So, why am I here?" Genjyo Sanzo was sitting on an over-stuffed yellow couch in a white room. On the walls were pictures of flowers with inspirational poems on them. The room was so bright that it made Sanzo sick. Sitting at a 90 degree angle from him was a woman who was a sickeningly cheerful as the room, and apparently had a severe coffee addiction.
"Well, your collages, Hack-I, Goj-yo, and Gok-u, contacted me and said that you showed a need for therapy."
"I don't need fucking therapy," Sanzo growled, 'Note to self, kill them ALL when I next see them.'
"Don't worry, I evaluated your friends and concluded that they are also in need of my…services." The therapist-lady, Mrs. Carolina, grabbed her mug of coffee.
"I DON'T NEED THERAPY! And they're not my friends, they're my lackeys."
Mrs. Carolina took a sip of her coffee, "Yes, they did mention that you have anger issues. Let me see," her took out a comically long list, "You have displayed: Insane anger, demeaning others, general dislike of Canadians, violent temperament, absolutely no sex drive, a love of fuzzy little kittens, and a extreme, irrational phobia of Swiss cheese."
A long silence…
"I can't help it!" Sanzo yelled, "It has so many holes! No cheese should have that many HOLES!"
"I…see…" Carolina jotted down a few notes, and took a deep sip of her coffee, "Now how about we talk about a few of your fri…I…mean…lackeys first?"
"Whatever…" Sanzo sighed, "Might as well get this over with…"
"First, let's start with Mister Goku," Carolina sipped her coffee.
"An annoying monkey who won't leave me the hell alone," Sanzo said, "Next?"
"Well…um…uh…yes, of course," she took a sip of her beverage of choice.
Hakkai had warned over the phone, the other three where currently in an undisclosed location, her before the meeting of Sanzo's quick temper and even quicker gunshots and she did not have a death wish, As The World Turns was on tonight and she had to catch her soaps, "Let's continue with, uh, Cho Hakkai."
"Relatively helpful."
"Would you consider him as a friend?" Carolina asked tentatively.
"No," came Sanzo's quick reply, "But at least he can cook and drive the Jeep."
"So an ally then?"
"No," Sanzo barked, "He has an annoyingly sunny personality and a nasty alternate personality, and his damned dragon can't drive over half the terrain."
"Ah!" Carolina wrote some more on her sheet of yellow paper, "Sha Gojyo next?"
A vein in Sanzo's head began to throb and his eyes started to twitch, he was starting to get really sick of this lady and her questions, "He's an annoying lecherous, perverted cockroach who is an ass, drinks all my booze and steals my cigarettes and is always talking about his sex life."
"Oh, I see…" Carolina said taking yet another sip from her bottomless mug of coffee.
'It probably has cocaine in it,' Sanzo thought.
"Now let's return to your list. What is a healthy, nonviolent, and productive way of dealing with your anger?"
"I don't have a bad temper," Sanzo replied non-chalantly.
"Ah, I beg to differ," Carolina took a gulp of her physics-defying coffee and pulled out another list that reached the floor and rolled to the opposite wall. Carolina began to read, "Pulling out a gun, shooting at comrades, pulling out a menacing looking fan that makes you look like a faggot, hitting comrades about the head with said fan, threatening an employee of Magic Kingdom, Disneyland, Florida, destroying several rides at the same park, shooting at various, innocent pieces of cheese, shall I continue?"
Sanzo's vein in his forehead was pulsing.
"Do you have anything to say?" the soon-to-be-dead therapist asked.
"Yes," the soon-to-be-guilty-of-homicide priest replied, "Shut the hell up, what I do is of little or no concern to you," he pulled out his gun, "I do not hoave a goddamn bad temper and if I do it is the fault of stupid fucking people asking me stupid fucking questions about my life, so go to thing on your f-ing list so I can get out of here and kill the three pains in my ass that sent me here."
"O-oh ok…C-canada is next…"
Sanzo sat down and put away his gun of doom, the thought of killing his three 'friends' temporarily calming him down, "I don't like Canada."
"Why?" Carolina asked, collecting her emotions.
"It's cold there, it has maple syrup, polar bears, and French people, shalli continue?" Sanzo said mockingly.
"Wait, you don't like Maple Syrup?"
"No, I don't."
"Why?"
Sanzo muttered something that the therapist couldn't here.
"What did you say?"
"It gets stuck in my hair! OK I SAID IT! HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO COMB THAT CRAP OUTTA YOUR HAIR? IT DOESN'T FREAKING WORK!"
Carolina snorted, then burst out in hysterical laughter, "HAHAHAHA, Syrup! In…HAIRR! WAFFLESSSSS!! HEHEHEHE!"
"Screw this," Sanzo finally said, then stood up and left the hysterical therapist rolling on the floor.
Katana: For your info, I like Canada, especially Toronto. It's a lovely city…I like Swiss cheese too…but I HAVE gotten Maple Syrup in my hair before and eventually cut the sticky hair off…sigh