Kaidan,

By now i'm confident you know what i've done and the rumors about it. Yes it's true that i'm the reason why the Bahak system got destroyed. I got more then 300 000 Batarian lives on my shoulders. I don't regret doing it, but I do regret that they had no chance to survive.

The reason why i'm even writing back to you are because I owe you this. I owe you a lot and some of it I may not be able to fix. But I can at least shed some light on some events before the Normandy SR-2 reach Earth. I've already talked with Anderson and Hackett, this is me offering you some information that you can believe or not.

I'm so sorry that I died on you and that you had to go through all of this. I was very well aware that one day it would be me that didn't make it, and still I let you come close to me. It's my fault Kaidan that you suffered, it's my fault, all of it and i'm so sorry about it. I hope you can forgive me for dying on you.

You wondered why I didn't contact you. I tried, I really did but Anderson stonewalled me and refused to say anything about you. I had nothing to go on. The Illusive Man had information about some really big persons but he refused to tell me anything about you! They played us against each other! Horizon was a fucking setup!

I do remember Ilos, I don't have that many good memories left but Ilos is one I will hold close to me as long as I can. That night meant everything to me, it's the best thing that happened to me in decades. You got no idea how grateful i'm for that night Kaidan and for that I thank you. You don't need to explain yourself about dating that doctor, I was dead after all and you had no idea that I was being resurrected by Cerberus. I did really die Kaidan, please believe me.

I'm going to be honest with you, i'm not the same person now as I was back during the hunt for Saren. Much stuff happened when me and my team hunted down the Collectors and made them pay. I found a way to stop them, they will not hurt or kill people anymore. Kaidan, I'm not sure where we stand at all anymore, if we even stand at all.

Horizon.. god do I hate that fucking place. The first thing that came to my mind when I heard from The Illusive Man that you were there is to make sure that you were safe from the Collectors. When I finally saw you, I felt relived. The hug was amazing and I wish it would last forever, it felt so safe. But.. what you said was a shock. Sorry Kaidan but some things I can't accept, not even from you. Questioning my loyalty to the Alliance! You bloody know that the Alliance has been my entire life since Mindoir. I've done more things for the Alliance then you will ever know about! You've no fucking idea on what i've gone through for the Alliance and the safety of humanity! The Alliance owe me everything! I had nothing but the Alliance until they screwed me over and gave me no choice to work with the devil. Yes I was working with Cerberus, but never for Cerberus. I'm not a terrorist Kaidan, no matter what the Batarians might say about me now or what the Alliance want to make of me working with the devil. All I ask is that you don't judge me for what had to be done.

I'm still the woman that do whatever I need to do to complete the mission even if a few things about me isn't the same anymore. The colonists had to be saved and the Alliance didn't want to do it! You know me good enough to know that I will defend colonists when everyone else abandon them. Leaving them to defend themselves against the Collectors is stupid. You saw what the Collectors can do. Someone got to stand up for the little guy and the colonists need someone that can speak for them. I'm willing to make sure that colonists always got a voice, I will do this for them.

I regret that it had to be that way Kaidan but trust me please when I tell you that i'm not with Cerberus and that i'm never going to work for them and that I sure as hell don't share their views nor opinions. I remember Kahoku, I remember Toombs, I don't forget what we saw of Cerberus together and i tell you this, I will not let Cerberus get away with what they did. Kahoku and Akuze will be avenged and Cerberus will pay for what they've done to innocent people and what they keep doing. I know that they're evil Kaidan, I know what they've done and more then you can imagine. I feel so filthy for accepting their aid but what choice did I have? The Reapers are coming no matter if the idiots on the council want to ignore it and things have to be done if we got to have the slightest of chances.

I don't know what the Alliance will do with me when I reach Earth. If you got time and still want to talk with me despite.. despite what i've done and what i'm telling you right now, Anderson has promised to make it possible for us to talk somehow. You know, settle a few things and I don't know but.. take care Kaidan and please be well. I don't have that many people left in the galaxy that don't want to shot me right now and I would hate to see you being one of them Kaidan.

I'm so sorry.

Te desidero Kaidan

Yours truly

- Sarah