Any and all comments are appreciated, flames will amuse me, and any OOCness will just have to be put up with. ^.^ Sorry, this is either my interpretation of the characters or my manipulation. This will take place after the time skip but not following cannon so Gaara is not in need of saving and events/deaths may be either disregarded or orchestrated. Enjoy or hate!
MAJOR EDIT COMPLETE
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
KOKORO: SOUL. HEART
Kokoro was restless. Extremely restless. Her need for action, the kind that she could just throw herself into, was so great that she was contemplating challenging the famous green-spandex-duo to a competition of youth. Shuddering inwardly, she mentally berated herself- she would never be THAT desperate, no one would. Sighing, she closed her wide, green-flecked sliver eyes, wanting nothing more-except a mission- than to enjoy the sun and forget. That was probably the thing she desired most, though she would never admit it. All she wanted was to forget the pain for a moment, to become lost in the sea of warm rays originating from the sun. If she stopped thinking about it, maybe the pain and guilt would lessen. Maybe she could, if only for a few minutes, pretend she was an ordinary girl, a girl with a family, a girl with no blood on her hands, a girl with a future.
Who was she kidding? She was a ninja, and a damn good one at that. She sealed her fate the moment she walked out of the Academy with a hitai-ate and nothing would change it. The only way to escape that would be death, and that was one thing she didn't want to think about. Kokoro knew that if she started down that train of thought, her final destination would either be sprawled on the floor with slashed wrists or dead because of some mission she shouldn't have taken.
Shaking herself out of her stupor, Kokoro could've slapped herself. Ninjas didn't have a need for emotions; she shouldn't be having these thoughts, much less contemplating suicide!
"Meh, what a drag. Troublesome girl, you're in my cloud watching spot,"
Opening her unusual eyes to see who it was, Kokoro nearly pulled out one of her blades and slashed the bastard's throat. Instead, she simply reclosed her eyes and said coldly, "Deal with it, Nara."
"How did you know I was a Nara?"
"You said both troublesome and 'what a drag' in the same breath, pineapple hair, bored voice, cloud watching, and you look almost exactly like your father. Now, either shut up or leave me alone unless you have a reason to bother me," she spat, wanting nothing more than the young man now sitting next to her to go away. Why was it always her? Couldn't someone else have the horrible luck for a change? What more could happen? Everything had been taken away from her in one fell swoop, what more did the damn village and the gods that created it want from her?
Honestly, it would be so much easier to let go. To just-
"Meh, meeting here was coincidental, and normally I would leave you alone considering the circumstances, but I want to apologize on behalf of my entire clan." Shikamaru said, looking closely at the girl beside him who was now gazing at him with narrowed eyes and absently picking one of the abundant wild flowers that inhabited the field she was laying in.
Outwardly, Kokoro knew the Nara didn't see anything to be alarmed about. She didn't look like she was suffering a mental breakdown like most people would be if they had just experienced what she had two weeks ago. Long black hair was thrown casually into a side French braid that reached all the way to her hips, where two sheaths were strapped. Her green sleeveless turtleneck shirt went halfway down her stomach and her black pants stopped mid-thigh, held up by her forehead protector. The only accessory she wore adorned her left ear. It was a small, green hoop earring; its twin buried with hers.
"Look here, Shika- I don't want to talk to you or anyone else," Kokoro hissed. "I don't want to talk to them, see them, smell them even, and I definitely don't want their apologies. So I would appreciate it if you just left me alone." She almost wanted to stand up and scream. Why couldn't he understand; he was supposed to have an IQ over two-hundred! She wanted to be alone, she wanted to be alone, she wanted to be alone, dammit, alone.
"Troublesome," Shikamaru mumbled, getting up lazily and moving to go find another spot to watch the clouds and again causing Kokoro to want to scream. She shouldn't be alone, she shouldn't be alone, don't leave her alone, don't abandon her like everyone else.
She needed her anchor, she needed something to grab onto, she needed her sister, for god's sake!
But her sister was gone.
All her fault, all her fault, all her stupid damn fault!
"Troublesome yourself, you fucking Nara," Kokoro practically growled, unable to stop the memories from crashing through the mental walls she had created to keep them subdued.
~FLASHBACK MAGIC~
"So the missing nin is a Nara?!" Takara, Kokoro's sister, asked their sensei in disbelief. The only differences between the two were the ear the earring resided on, the green flecks in Kokoro's eyes, and the colors of their clothing. While Kokoro wore green and black, Takara wore green and a light brown.
"Afraid so, and he's able to hold their shadow jutsu for fifteen minutes too. Plus he has the Nara brains so we're practically screwed for planning. In order to win, we'll have to take him out as quickly as possible. Since he's travelling alone this shouldn't be too difficult, but Nara's are known for planning for everything so…"
"Mitsuru-sensei?" Yuuto, Kokoro and Takara's shy teammate, asked hesitantly. He was truly a mouse of a boy before he started fighting. Most people were surprised he was even a ninja with the way he often stuttered and fumbled when put under pressure off-mission. Once he started swinging his fists, however, he resembled more of a patient lion- fearless, strong, and proud.
"Hm?" their sensei asked, not sounding very interested. He was the kind of person who tended to wing it, even when the situation was extremely serious.
"What if- what if one of us gets caught in his shadow-possession jutsu?"
"We won't."
Half an hour later, Kokoro glanced at her sister out of the corner of her eye and saw her barley dodging the rouge Nara's probing shadow. In an act of pure instinct and desire she pushed her sister out of the way, leaving her own shadow wide open.
"Sisters are always the weakest and most predictable," the Nara droned, looking throughly bored.
"Run! I can't break free! Yuuto, run!" she screamed as the missing nin made her run towards her teammate, but the boy, dizzy from-planned, no doubt-blood loss could barley move.
Clumsily he blocked the first series of strikes, propelling himself further from the rest of his teammates with each second. When he found himself pressed against the rough bark of a tree, Yuuto wan't really surprised considering their opponent. He should've guessed there was a reason for the senseless slashing and hacking. Strangely, he felt almost happy that he was going to die at the hands of one of his friend's.
In an instant, one of Kokoro's twin blades was in his heart and he died, his eyes accepting and his mouth slightly upturned.
Mitsuru was next, only this time her victim wasn't nearly as complacent.
"Release your hold on her and we'll retreat!" he roared, attempting to get Kokoro in a headlock.
"That would result in too many problems down the road and, as my foolish clan head would say, that would be entirely too troublesome,"
In a move that made her swear she heard her bones groan in protest, he made her reverse their positions and Kokoro ended up with her sensei's neck grasped in her hands.
"I-sorry-failed-" he choked, eyes clouding over after she snapped his neck.
"Stop it!" she yelled, tears filling her horror-struck eyes. "Please, don't make me! I'll surrender, just don't make me!"
When the Nara ignored her pleas and made her run after her sister, Kokoro fought with everything she had to break the jutsu.
It wasn't enough.
Seconds later, Takara's collapsed form fell from the branch she was standing on when she foolishly left herself open. Unlike the others, she didn't put up a fight, only standing, staring, and smiling as her twin, her other half, walked leisurely towards her. When Kokoro was close enough, her sister whispered one thing before her throat was slashed.
"Don't lose yourself,"
Too numb after killing her sister and team, all Kokoro could do was tremble as the Nara made her walk towards him. When she was close enough to touch, he let out a chuckle, closing his eyes as he did so.
They never reopened.
Filled with grief, horror, anger, and raw pain Kokoro had finally been able to escape the jutsu at the cost of her team's, her makeshift family's, lives.
Oddly, the first thought that struck her was that she didn't even know the name of the man who had ripped apart her world, her very reason for existing.
~END FLASHBACK MAGIC~
Not wanting to relive the aftermath of the battle, including sealing her teammate's bodies into a separate scroll than that of the Nara's, Kokoro forced the memories back behind her mental walls where they belonged, not quite out of sight but definitely out of mind.
Surprisingly, it was the recollection of that mission that fully decided Kokoro's heart.
She was a ninja, something that should be used as the Hokage saw fit. If she was going to die, then so be it. She would not let her emotions get the better of her again, she would no longer make bonds that could weaken her resolve, and she would no longer hold herself back for the sake of others. Too long had she stalled her promotion, entertaining a silly little thought that she and her sister, if kept together, could become more feared than anyone else. Without her pathetic bonds to hold her back, she saw it all so clearly. Why had she ever refused to take the Jonin exams? Why had she ignored her own potential?
But now, it was different.
She would never forget that she was a kunoichi above all else; she would never again lose herself.
It was only two days later while training in her team's old training ground that she sensed another presence standing beside her, and, in one fluid movement, she delivered a fying kick to the post and turned to to face him, her question obvious by her raised eyebrow.
"Lady Hokage has a new mission for you," the ANBU said before disappearing in a puff of smoke, leaving a slightly mad looking Kokoro grinning behind him.
"Well it's about damn time."
:D First chappie, yay! Updates will be somewhat random, but I'll try to do one a week once the edit is finished. Please give me feedback, suggestions, flames, anything. Adios!